Just so I can push you away...

[ilovecodered69]

So I give advice to other people. And sometimes they listen. But then when it comes to giving myself advice, I can't even listen to myself.

I'm trying and pushing so hard for things to work. And it seems like it's not working. And it's not. So I keep telling myself to stop trying, yet I fail to listen.

If he wants it to happen, it will. So I'm going to stop trying. And if it's "meant to be" then it will happen.

I give in, I breathe out.

I just want it so badly. I hate it when I can't do anything.

I WANT THE BALL TO BE IN MY COURT DAMNIT!

So if in 2 weeks, I see that it's impossible, I'm going to quit while I'm ahead.

And see, I told him to tell me a month ago if it's what he wanted, so that way I couldn't have my heart broken. I could have tried to stop my feelings for him. But now it's too far in. And if he decides I'm not what he wants, I'll be more than crushed.

How many heart breaks can I handle?

I say not many.

"I've been waiting all my life to finally find you,
Just so I can push you away.
And when you're crawling over broken glass to get to me,
That's when I'll let you stay."

I guess the whole take a chance you stupid hoe thing, didn't turn out so well.

Lend Me.

Or Mend me.