cosmic vents to prevent throwing something at the wall.
Even though most of the reasons I was on this journal are somewhere behind me now. I feel I must spew into the online cosmos. Don't really need or care if anyone decides to read this, but if people i know or knew stumble on it perhaps they would like an update on recent events.
I have a full time job disclosing homeloans w/ countrywide loans...its not nearly as exhilerating as it sounds ;) I'm slowly recovering (still) howwever more discs keep sliding around and rupturing so they want to talk surgery now. That means school has to be pushed off another 6 months to a year, and work will have to be cut back to nothing for at least 2 months, and then I don't really know after that. Its a 6-9 month average recovery time, but I've beaten those odds many times before.
Dana and I are doing really well, the man's a saint for being able to deal with me and my back with is not unlike a whiney mother in law type figure that both of us would like to have move out. We just got back from Mexico last wednesday and we really got a chance to reconnect while we were down there which we needed seeing how everything just kinda keeps sucking in terms of health and time.
Oh, for those of you that knew me, my childhood cat pumpkin passed away last tuesday. I've had him since I was four years old. I was in Mexico at the time, but I've been preparing myself for it for several months now, It wasn't a surprise, and he died of honerable old age. Still it feels like losing a brother of sorts since that's how we always treated him. But I become sentimental.
I've received several art commisions in the last few months and am developing a plan to become a painter. Right now I've got two orders for these mural coffee tables that I really like doing. I charge $1.50 a square inch, plus cost of table and material unless table is provided of course. Another guy wants me to do a pop art portrait 4 frame a la andy warhol, which is the furthest thing from "art" in my mind and the statement is definatly ironic. He wants it big which is $$$ and pop arts easy with a picture and a projector. I have to scrupples with selling my skill like this. I'm a 20 year old artist how the hell am I going to get anywhere if I don't do commissions first? I have no ego as far as what I will and wont do, which is how a studio artist starves and a tatoo artist thrives.
I'm rambling in summary I'm so-so, life is progressing at a normal pace, perhaps much better than most. But twillight zone irony dictates that I must be in constant pain to achieve it. Thank god for narcotics. I do appologize for my lack of friendship in the past year or so, I've been fighting off a deprresion that has been holding me back a long time. The loss of theatre hit me harder than I'd like to admit. And I distanced myself from everyone I knew and know that new me as a healthier me. I'm also not much fun anymore seeing as I last about an hour and half anywhere before i have to lie down or take some meds. I make it though work everyday because I like this substance called food. I take my weekends to rest. I feel as though I'm being dramatic, and truely I wish I was. I wounldn't say any of this except that I feel like venting I feel like letting everyone or no one in on whats going on just to get my massive frustration off my chest and to talk it out. I'm isolated and lonely. I'm far to self aware and critical of everything I do. Any happiness is always a surprise to me and I often don't know what to do with it or how to keep it. I've been running from the doctors for awhile now, because everytime I go in they find something else wrong with me. Its tiresome.
Well I should go to bed, I've got work in the morning....
Jen
I have a full time job disclosing homeloans w/ countrywide loans...its not nearly as exhilerating as it sounds ;) I'm slowly recovering (still) howwever more discs keep sliding around and rupturing so they want to talk surgery now. That means school has to be pushed off another 6 months to a year, and work will have to be cut back to nothing for at least 2 months, and then I don't really know after that. Its a 6-9 month average recovery time, but I've beaten those odds many times before.
Dana and I are doing really well, the man's a saint for being able to deal with me and my back with is not unlike a whiney mother in law type figure that both of us would like to have move out. We just got back from Mexico last wednesday and we really got a chance to reconnect while we were down there which we needed seeing how everything just kinda keeps sucking in terms of health and time.
Oh, for those of you that knew me, my childhood cat pumpkin passed away last tuesday. I've had him since I was four years old. I was in Mexico at the time, but I've been preparing myself for it for several months now, It wasn't a surprise, and he died of honerable old age. Still it feels like losing a brother of sorts since that's how we always treated him. But I become sentimental.
I've received several art commisions in the last few months and am developing a plan to become a painter. Right now I've got two orders for these mural coffee tables that I really like doing. I charge $1.50 a square inch, plus cost of table and material unless table is provided of course. Another guy wants me to do a pop art portrait 4 frame a la andy warhol, which is the furthest thing from "art" in my mind and the statement is definatly ironic. He wants it big which is $$$ and pop arts easy with a picture and a projector. I have to scrupples with selling my skill like this. I'm a 20 year old artist how the hell am I going to get anywhere if I don't do commissions first? I have no ego as far as what I will and wont do, which is how a studio artist starves and a tatoo artist thrives.
I'm rambling in summary I'm so-so, life is progressing at a normal pace, perhaps much better than most. But twillight zone irony dictates that I must be in constant pain to achieve it. Thank god for narcotics. I do appologize for my lack of friendship in the past year or so, I've been fighting off a deprresion that has been holding me back a long time. The loss of theatre hit me harder than I'd like to admit. And I distanced myself from everyone I knew and know that new me as a healthier me. I'm also not much fun anymore seeing as I last about an hour and half anywhere before i have to lie down or take some meds. I make it though work everyday because I like this substance called food. I take my weekends to rest. I feel as though I'm being dramatic, and truely I wish I was. I wounldn't say any of this except that I feel like venting I feel like letting everyone or no one in on whats going on just to get my massive frustration off my chest and to talk it out. I'm isolated and lonely. I'm far to self aware and critical of everything I do. Any happiness is always a surprise to me and I often don't know what to do with it or how to keep it. I've been running from the doctors for awhile now, because everytime I go in they find something else wrong with me. Its tiresome.
Well I should go to bed, I've got work in the morning....
Jen