Illyushadarling's Endurance Beyond Hope Campaign...
Those of you who know me well know that I don’t share all my troubles readily. I’d rather reach out and help someone else than ask for help myself. In the past, I’ve relied on faith, and family - most often, my parents - to help me out temporarily if things got too tough. And usually, everything worked out. At least...
This time, I have to face the fact that, without help from my friends, the situation is going to very soon reach a point from which there is no foreseeable recovery. Too many needs from too many quarters have come together at this time, and I simply cannot meet them. Without help, I’m going down this time.
To bring you up to date, many of you know I have long had to help my daughter and grandsons financially. They have lived with me for many years, and usually my daughter has not had a job or been receiving child support regularly. Needless to say, that has thrown most of the financial obligation on me.
Then, just before Thanksgiving of 2013, I had to take my 86 year old father to the emergency room with intense stomach pain. A scan showed he had cancer in the colon, liver, and lymph nodes. It was too far advanced to treat successfully, and the treatment might kill him as quickly as the cancer. My dad opted to go to Hospice, and he died 11 days after I took him to the emergency room, on December 2nd.
This left me trying to deal with my mother, also 86, by staying with her in my parents’ home, having my daughter come over during the days when she wasn’t working at the grill where she had recently gotten a job, and me being with Mom after work and on weekends. It soon became apparent to all of us (my daughter, my brother who lives 4 hours away, and me) that Dad had covered up Mom’s dementia for perhaps years. We got through a month with this arrangement until the repeated acts of hitting, slapping and even Mom barely managing to resist the urge - and opportunity - to stab me in the back with a kitchen knife persuaded my brother and me that Mom could not remain safely at home, even with someone with her. We were very blessed to locate an independent living facility just 10 minutes from her house, and we moved Mom into an apartment there. That didn’t stop the dementia, didn’t stop her aggression toward me when she sees me, but at least she doesn’t have to deal with someone in her space all the time, yet staff is always there to assist her if she needs help. Her meals are provided, the facility takes care of her medicine, my brother takes care of her finances, and I still go and take her for doctor appointments and spend time with her on Sundays. She has been there over a year now, has never really adjusted, but her mind and body continue to decline, and she rarely feels like getting out these days. I do what I can, but it is never enough.
When Dad died and Mom moved, my brother and I did not want to rent out their home, but we didn’t want to let it sit empty, either. So we came to an agreement that I would move in on a permanent basis - unless a time comes when the sale of the house is needed to support Mom’s care. Certain financial obligations came along with the deal: no rent because the house is paid for, but of course all utilities would go into my name, and I would pay the property taxes and insurance, as well as paying for any repairs needed. This meant moving out of my house and leaving it for my daughter and 4 grandsons to inhabit - giving them much needed room to spread out a little, and giving me some much needed privacy, which I hadn’t had in years. My daughter wasn’t making a lot at her job, but it seemed like it would be enough, especially as she seemed to be on the verge of recovering several thousands of dollars of child support. It had the makings of a win-win situation, right? Sadly, things often don’t turn out as we expect.
First, things went wrong on the child support. Seems there was a mistake made on one digit of her bank account number by Child Support Enforcement, and what money had been garnished from her ex’s pay had ended up in someone else’s bank account, or floating around in the electronic ether. DSS kept assuring her they would get the situation corrected, but that was well over a year ago, and it hasn’t happened yet. So she has gotten none of that money, and even now has only received one payment of $400 of current child support, about 6 weeks ago.
Then, the grill she worked for shut down, and she was out of a job. It isn’t easy for anyone to find a job these days, but a woman who is alone with 4 school age boys finds it even harder. Still, we struggled on, hoping the next week would produce something better. But now I was paying all the utilities on my parents’ house, plus the mortgage payment on my house, plus my daughter’s utility bills, plus gas and food money when the Food Stamps ran out… and I was starting to fall behind.
We had some hope still that things would improve when my daughter’s new husband - whom she had met online, traveled to Egypt courtesy of his parents, and married - finally received permission to enter the country. Coming to the United States legally should improve his chances of getting his green card promptly and landing a job, right? Wrong. He arrived in early August of 2014, and just received his green card last week (mid-April 2015). Being his sponsor to enter the country, I have had a legal obligation to support him as well, or at least do enough to keep him off of welfare. He’s looking, but doesn’t have a job yet.
By late Fall last year, it was obvious to me that I was not going to have the money to pay the property taxes on my house or my parents’ house, unless I did something drastic. So I sold the nice car I had inherited from my father, bought a cheaper but sufficient car, took out a small personal loan, and had the funds I required for the immediate needs.
Then the cards got re-shuffled. I found out in November that I needed surgery, which was scheduled for early December. That meant 6 weeks out of work. Then, I was told the surgeon didn’t get to do all that was needed in the first surgery, and I needed a second surgery. So I had that just before Christmas. Lots of medical bills - all the things not covered by insurance - and lots of stress. Right before I was to return to work, I made the mistake of lifting just a bit more than I should have, and ended up with my back and neck out to the point where I could barely move. So there were multiple visits to the chiropractor, every one of them with a substantial copay due on the spot, and other things I needed to buy to make my condition a bit more tolerable. Thankfully, my job did do some ADA accommodations for me recently, so I am able to work in a fair amount of comfort.
My oldest grandson moved in with me last Fall - partly to help me out, but mostly because he was having lots of trouble at home and his mom agreed it was best if he did not live there for now. It started out not too badly, but the boy has some major psychiatric and psychological problems, and that has of course increased the stress load, as well as increasing the financial load, since I now have to support him, too.
If all of this wasn’t enough, my daughter is now pregnant - with a girl! This is a wonderful blessing, as she has always wanted a girl, and at last, God willing, she will have one to pamper and dress up in pretty little outfits. But there is a problem, as well: my daughter has placenta previa, so doing any strenuous work at this point is out of the question. Her OB-GYN has warned her of the potentially life-threatening risks to her and the baby. So this means continued financial stress for me at least until after the birth by C-section in August.
To sum it all up, I am falling farther and farther into a black hole with recurring bills I cannot pay, and so far there is no end in sight. That is why I have now swallowed my pride and come to you, my friends, to ask if you can help even a little bit. If I can dig out of this hole, and get a little bit ahead, I think I can avoid having my home foreclosed on, keep up with the current expenses, and be able to put back enough to pay the property taxes again this year. Surely by year’s end, my son-in-law will have a job, my daughter will once again be able to work, and the situation with my grandson will improve.
My friends, I have endured, and endured, and endured some more, but I am ready to fall at the last step. Please forgive me for asking, but I need a Fellowship. Will you help?
I sincerely thank all of you for whatever you can do, be it funds, friendship, or prayers. All of them will be a great support. May all of you be blessed, and may all your blessings to me rebound upon your head ten-fold.
For those whom I have not yet scared off, or totally disgusted, here's the link to throw me a rope... or even a string...
www.gofundme.com/sy44f3u
This time, I have to face the fact that, without help from my friends, the situation is going to very soon reach a point from which there is no foreseeable recovery. Too many needs from too many quarters have come together at this time, and I simply cannot meet them. Without help, I’m going down this time.
To bring you up to date, many of you know I have long had to help my daughter and grandsons financially. They have lived with me for many years, and usually my daughter has not had a job or been receiving child support regularly. Needless to say, that has thrown most of the financial obligation on me.
Then, just before Thanksgiving of 2013, I had to take my 86 year old father to the emergency room with intense stomach pain. A scan showed he had cancer in the colon, liver, and lymph nodes. It was too far advanced to treat successfully, and the treatment might kill him as quickly as the cancer. My dad opted to go to Hospice, and he died 11 days after I took him to the emergency room, on December 2nd.
This left me trying to deal with my mother, also 86, by staying with her in my parents’ home, having my daughter come over during the days when she wasn’t working at the grill where she had recently gotten a job, and me being with Mom after work and on weekends. It soon became apparent to all of us (my daughter, my brother who lives 4 hours away, and me) that Dad had covered up Mom’s dementia for perhaps years. We got through a month with this arrangement until the repeated acts of hitting, slapping and even Mom barely managing to resist the urge - and opportunity - to stab me in the back with a kitchen knife persuaded my brother and me that Mom could not remain safely at home, even with someone with her. We were very blessed to locate an independent living facility just 10 minutes from her house, and we moved Mom into an apartment there. That didn’t stop the dementia, didn’t stop her aggression toward me when she sees me, but at least she doesn’t have to deal with someone in her space all the time, yet staff is always there to assist her if she needs help. Her meals are provided, the facility takes care of her medicine, my brother takes care of her finances, and I still go and take her for doctor appointments and spend time with her on Sundays. She has been there over a year now, has never really adjusted, but her mind and body continue to decline, and she rarely feels like getting out these days. I do what I can, but it is never enough.
When Dad died and Mom moved, my brother and I did not want to rent out their home, but we didn’t want to let it sit empty, either. So we came to an agreement that I would move in on a permanent basis - unless a time comes when the sale of the house is needed to support Mom’s care. Certain financial obligations came along with the deal: no rent because the house is paid for, but of course all utilities would go into my name, and I would pay the property taxes and insurance, as well as paying for any repairs needed. This meant moving out of my house and leaving it for my daughter and 4 grandsons to inhabit - giving them much needed room to spread out a little, and giving me some much needed privacy, which I hadn’t had in years. My daughter wasn’t making a lot at her job, but it seemed like it would be enough, especially as she seemed to be on the verge of recovering several thousands of dollars of child support. It had the makings of a win-win situation, right? Sadly, things often don’t turn out as we expect.
First, things went wrong on the child support. Seems there was a mistake made on one digit of her bank account number by Child Support Enforcement, and what money had been garnished from her ex’s pay had ended up in someone else’s bank account, or floating around in the electronic ether. DSS kept assuring her they would get the situation corrected, but that was well over a year ago, and it hasn’t happened yet. So she has gotten none of that money, and even now has only received one payment of $400 of current child support, about 6 weeks ago.
Then, the grill she worked for shut down, and she was out of a job. It isn’t easy for anyone to find a job these days, but a woman who is alone with 4 school age boys finds it even harder. Still, we struggled on, hoping the next week would produce something better. But now I was paying all the utilities on my parents’ house, plus the mortgage payment on my house, plus my daughter’s utility bills, plus gas and food money when the Food Stamps ran out… and I was starting to fall behind.
We had some hope still that things would improve when my daughter’s new husband - whom she had met online, traveled to Egypt courtesy of his parents, and married - finally received permission to enter the country. Coming to the United States legally should improve his chances of getting his green card promptly and landing a job, right? Wrong. He arrived in early August of 2014, and just received his green card last week (mid-April 2015). Being his sponsor to enter the country, I have had a legal obligation to support him as well, or at least do enough to keep him off of welfare. He’s looking, but doesn’t have a job yet.
By late Fall last year, it was obvious to me that I was not going to have the money to pay the property taxes on my house or my parents’ house, unless I did something drastic. So I sold the nice car I had inherited from my father, bought a cheaper but sufficient car, took out a small personal loan, and had the funds I required for the immediate needs.
Then the cards got re-shuffled. I found out in November that I needed surgery, which was scheduled for early December. That meant 6 weeks out of work. Then, I was told the surgeon didn’t get to do all that was needed in the first surgery, and I needed a second surgery. So I had that just before Christmas. Lots of medical bills - all the things not covered by insurance - and lots of stress. Right before I was to return to work, I made the mistake of lifting just a bit more than I should have, and ended up with my back and neck out to the point where I could barely move. So there were multiple visits to the chiropractor, every one of them with a substantial copay due on the spot, and other things I needed to buy to make my condition a bit more tolerable. Thankfully, my job did do some ADA accommodations for me recently, so I am able to work in a fair amount of comfort.
My oldest grandson moved in with me last Fall - partly to help me out, but mostly because he was having lots of trouble at home and his mom agreed it was best if he did not live there for now. It started out not too badly, but the boy has some major psychiatric and psychological problems, and that has of course increased the stress load, as well as increasing the financial load, since I now have to support him, too.
If all of this wasn’t enough, my daughter is now pregnant - with a girl! This is a wonderful blessing, as she has always wanted a girl, and at last, God willing, she will have one to pamper and dress up in pretty little outfits. But there is a problem, as well: my daughter has placenta previa, so doing any strenuous work at this point is out of the question. Her OB-GYN has warned her of the potentially life-threatening risks to her and the baby. So this means continued financial stress for me at least until after the birth by C-section in August.
To sum it all up, I am falling farther and farther into a black hole with recurring bills I cannot pay, and so far there is no end in sight. That is why I have now swallowed my pride and come to you, my friends, to ask if you can help even a little bit. If I can dig out of this hole, and get a little bit ahead, I think I can avoid having my home foreclosed on, keep up with the current expenses, and be able to put back enough to pay the property taxes again this year. Surely by year’s end, my son-in-law will have a job, my daughter will once again be able to work, and the situation with my grandson will improve.
My friends, I have endured, and endured, and endured some more, but I am ready to fall at the last step. Please forgive me for asking, but I need a Fellowship. Will you help?
I sincerely thank all of you for whatever you can do, be it funds, friendship, or prayers. All of them will be a great support. May all of you be blessed, and may all your blessings to me rebound upon your head ten-fold.
For those whom I have not yet scared off, or totally disgusted, here's the link to throw me a rope... or even a string...
www.gofundme.com/sy44f3u