Once more with feeling
So I do this rant a couple times a year during this season...why might you ask? Because it is haunt season, the time where those of us of the twisted ilk gather together, to build, secure, and haunt places where you the rube come for a night of fun and excitement to be chased, and menaced, by all manner of freakature, weirdos, and nutcases. So you can scream your head off, and get that rush of fear, and excitement without actually having your life put on the line.
make no mistake we appreciate your attendance, good spirit, and screams, shrieks, and wails of terror, and calls for 'MOMMY"! yes, yes we do... So much so that most of us don't get paid, and despite the amount of money that people give us, we have bills, land rental, electricity, props, water, materials etc. We certainly don't get rich let's put it that way. But we do get no end of joy, when we hear such phrases as...
"Did she just scare the shit out of me with a squeeky toy"?
"Ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod........I just peed myself"....
"...yeah...you got me....bastards"....
"....Damn dood....that's hellah sick"....
We also relish in those moments of stark terror, when we get mothers to leave their kids behind, boyfriends to toss their girlfriends at us to get away...and when grown men fling themselves into the arms of their 'bros' because some maniac with a chainsaw has just materialized from out of the shadows.
Yes we have an unfair advantage we are a bunch of twisted, sadistic, creative, wickedly awesome people, whom take some serious pride in their ability to either scare, creep, or outright horrify the general populace. There are of course those individuals whom are largely unaffected by our wiles. Those of you who work extensively in the security field, military, or have worked in haunted houses, movies, special effects etc, etc. And we tip our hat to those of you who despite your inherent jadedness come anyways with friends, family, to either have a good time, or just look and see what other twisted minds are up to.
And this brings me to the ranting portion of this particular diatribe.
IF you decide to go to a HAUNTED HOUSE....do yourself a favor, and be prepared for freaks, weirdos, and other strangeness... we are the people that you picked on in high school, come and behold what your cruelty has wrought and be thankful, that we won't use your bones to decorate our house...because we are the people that are thorough enough to bury you 8 feet deep standing up, so you'll never be found....though we probably could use you for decoration, and no one would ever know....
...Keep your hands to yourself...grabbing a little girls bosom is a good way to get yourself killed not just by us but by your friends as well.
Leave your shitty attitude at the door, if you really don't want to be here, then don't come. If you've been forcibly dragged from your home, then don' ruin the experience for the other 200 people standing line by acting like a complete jackass. You only look retarded, and we know your full of shit, and you still scream like a little girl when we get the drop on you. Also if you are going to be on mind altering substances, alcohol, reefer, or other things don't be any more stupid than you already are. Which means bring a sober friend that can drive your dumbass to and from the event, and can keep you from grabbing things you shouldn't aka the MINOR that will cause you to GO TO JAIL as a SEX OFFENDER...for a long stretch of time. We are protective of our little girls because they are cute, sweet, and very loveable, and if you mess with them you will NOT make it to jail see above section on burying in the field. If you are someone in a leadership role please keep your asshole friends in line, we are trying to entertain all of you.
This is not a place to test your macho manhoodedness...if you are that desperate for a rite of passage then I highly recommend the marines, a sundance, a vision quest, eating a 6 at the khali indian restraunt in seattle washington, or drinking a shot of daves insanity sauce. There are of course other variations on these activities that one can perform to convince oneself that you are now an a sentient member of the human race....however in my extensive research...it generally helps to ACT like a sentient human being, and not some mentally challenged over excited chimpanzee shrieking, and flinging poo at everything. Because at the end of the day, we have your money...might as well enjoy yourself...and shrieking and flinging poo at everything around you ...only makes you look like a monkey...not to just us, but to everyone else around as well...and when you come running out the exit in full flight.....would you rather be laughing having a good time...or not having a good time.... ultimately the choice is yours.
make no mistake we appreciate your attendance, good spirit, and screams, shrieks, and wails of terror, and calls for 'MOMMY"! yes, yes we do... So much so that most of us don't get paid, and despite the amount of money that people give us, we have bills, land rental, electricity, props, water, materials etc. We certainly don't get rich let's put it that way. But we do get no end of joy, when we hear such phrases as...
"Did she just scare the shit out of me with a squeeky toy"?
"Ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod........I just peed myself"....
"...yeah...you got me....bastards"....
"....Damn dood....that's hellah sick"....
We also relish in those moments of stark terror, when we get mothers to leave their kids behind, boyfriends to toss their girlfriends at us to get away...and when grown men fling themselves into the arms of their 'bros' because some maniac with a chainsaw has just materialized from out of the shadows.
Yes we have an unfair advantage we are a bunch of twisted, sadistic, creative, wickedly awesome people, whom take some serious pride in their ability to either scare, creep, or outright horrify the general populace. There are of course those individuals whom are largely unaffected by our wiles. Those of you who work extensively in the security field, military, or have worked in haunted houses, movies, special effects etc, etc. And we tip our hat to those of you who despite your inherent jadedness come anyways with friends, family, to either have a good time, or just look and see what other twisted minds are up to.
And this brings me to the ranting portion of this particular diatribe.
IF you decide to go to a HAUNTED HOUSE....do yourself a favor, and be prepared for freaks, weirdos, and other strangeness... we are the people that you picked on in high school, come and behold what your cruelty has wrought and be thankful, that we won't use your bones to decorate our house...because we are the people that are thorough enough to bury you 8 feet deep standing up, so you'll never be found....though we probably could use you for decoration, and no one would ever know....
...Keep your hands to yourself...grabbing a little girls bosom is a good way to get yourself killed not just by us but by your friends as well.
Leave your shitty attitude at the door, if you really don't want to be here, then don't come. If you've been forcibly dragged from your home, then don' ruin the experience for the other 200 people standing line by acting like a complete jackass. You only look retarded, and we know your full of shit, and you still scream like a little girl when we get the drop on you. Also if you are going to be on mind altering substances, alcohol, reefer, or other things don't be any more stupid than you already are. Which means bring a sober friend that can drive your dumbass to and from the event, and can keep you from grabbing things you shouldn't aka the MINOR that will cause you to GO TO JAIL as a SEX OFFENDER...for a long stretch of time. We are protective of our little girls because they are cute, sweet, and very loveable, and if you mess with them you will NOT make it to jail see above section on burying in the field. If you are someone in a leadership role please keep your asshole friends in line, we are trying to entertain all of you.
This is not a place to test your macho manhoodedness...if you are that desperate for a rite of passage then I highly recommend the marines, a sundance, a vision quest, eating a 6 at the khali indian restraunt in seattle washington, or drinking a shot of daves insanity sauce. There are of course other variations on these activities that one can perform to convince oneself that you are now an a sentient member of the human race....however in my extensive research...it generally helps to ACT like a sentient human being, and not some mentally challenged over excited chimpanzee shrieking, and flinging poo at everything. Because at the end of the day, we have your money...might as well enjoy yourself...and shrieking and flinging poo at everything around you ...only makes you look like a monkey...not to just us, but to everyone else around as well...and when you come running out the exit in full flight.....would you rather be laughing having a good time...or not having a good time.... ultimately the choice is yours.