[For Jason] Post-Tea Party
Lux won't admit it, even to her own self, but she's waiting. After wandering around awhile and stopping to talk to Tim, she'd headed home, pulled off the fancy dress she'd apparently put on for no reason, and waited.
There's a cold and knotted up place in the pit of her stomach telling her that he won't come. That he won't have even noticed.
Sitting cross-legged atop her bed, staring at the yellow dress tossed across a nearby chair, she can see how it might seem like she skipped the party to try and get a reaction. It goes so much deeper than that, and Lux hopes that Jason knows by now that she's not that sort of girl. It looks really bad, though, and there's a knot of guilt down there right next to the cold place that keeps trying to remind her that she's not good enough.
Sometimes, she just wishes that she could be normal. That she could smile and wear pretty dresses and throw parties.
But she can't forget, and she wishes she were naive enough to talk herself into thinking it was better without her there. She would have just brought it down, right?
Absently, she lifts a hand to wipe at the tear that's slipped down her cheek, then pulls her pillow in against her chest.
There's a cold and knotted up place in the pit of her stomach telling her that he won't come. That he won't have even noticed.
Sitting cross-legged atop her bed, staring at the yellow dress tossed across a nearby chair, she can see how it might seem like she skipped the party to try and get a reaction. It goes so much deeper than that, and Lux hopes that Jason knows by now that she's not that sort of girl. It looks really bad, though, and there's a knot of guilt down there right next to the cold place that keeps trying to remind her that she's not good enough.
Sometimes, she just wishes that she could be normal. That she could smile and wear pretty dresses and throw parties.
But she can't forget, and she wishes she were naive enough to talk herself into thinking it was better without her there. She would have just brought it down, right?
Absently, she lifts a hand to wipe at the tear that's slipped down her cheek, then pulls her pillow in against her chest.