Great Big Update
So a certain friend recently relocated to Berlin has recently complained that, contrary to my blog name, I shut up far too often lately. I blame Facebook. It's just ridiculously easy to go there and type in a short soundbyte about the state of the Maya. And then once you've satisfied your narcissism, it seems sort of redundant to go back and do it longform. Except that really, I do love to write. So in the name of indulging a friend, I shall.
I suppose part of the problem is that life is just too good right now. Contentedness is boring. And you're not supposed to brag about it anyway. But I'm going to try, with the understanding that I paid my misery dues threefold in my twenties.
I went on an awesome vacation to the caribbean while the economy repeatedly bitch-slapped many people I care about. It was beautiful, and yet I managed to remain cranky through most of it. Picture: a codependent trying to satisfy the conflicting needs of an eleven year old daughter and an, um, adult year-old husband. While menstruating. And then the mother arrives halfway through the week. We have a Very Special Dynamic. When I'm around, she tends to fall into a child role, and I get to be the mom. It's fun. I snapped at the end. Still, if I'm going to feel like crap, I'd rather do it in St. John than in New Jersey.
I came back and dropped into a rather deep depression and brain freeze. As in, I asked for a hug from J, he gave me one, we talked a minute or two, and I asked when I would get my hug. It's like being betrayed by your own brain. It turned out I was anemic. I'm feeling pretty good now, even if do I have to drink a rusty tin can tincture every morning. I think I already mentioned that here.
Seems like I've mentioned just about everything else, too. Met some great local people via Meetup, I'm doing a Radical Self Care workshop series with them (for the first month I did that gratitude/success thing - now I'm supposed to be focused on pleasure, so there's not much to write about. or rather, there is, but nothing I'm feeling so public about, if you know what I'm sayin') and I went to their Red Tent Temple gathering & met some really lovely people who I can see myself spending time with. I realized that part of what's been holding me back from making friends is a sort of knee-jerk cynicism, looking for what's wrong with people, rather than looking for ways to connect. Toxic. Haven't connected with anyone since those groups, so I guess I'm just looking forward to the next one. I'm a little timid. Yes, me. What?
Currently, we're clearing out all the beds and weeding and planting seedlings and generally getting ready for spring. The tomatoes, eggplant, peppers, broccoli, cauliflower, brussels sprouts and chinese cabbage have all sprouted. I'm still waiting for ground temps warm enough to plant the beans, roots & other direct-sow things I've forgotten I bought. I've been watching the ground every day for signs of asparagus and rhubarb. Nothing yet. The day lilies have little tips poking out, as do the tulips and hyacinth. I freakin ADORE spring! My fingertips are sore, though, from digging out weed root runners.
We went to Ikea yesterday to buy some more appropriate furniture for the TV room. The thing the new TV was on wasn't really big enough for it or the other accessory electronic boxes, so now that's fixed. And the laptops were always sitting in a giant tangled pile on an antique trunk, so instead we bought a little cabinet where we can slide them onto shelves and have a clean surface up top. The cords still aren't particularly well, managed, but one hurdle at a time. And besides, now the remote has a clear shot at the cable box, which is nice.
We're working hard to get the house ready for the invasion of the tweens this weekend. C's birthday is a week from tomorrow and this weekend she's having a slumber party. Yay for having a house full 11 & 12 year-old girls shrieking late into the night. I have managed to avoid it up till now, so I suppose I shouldn't complain too much. Still, hiding all the breakables, booze, books about sex, & other things that could be problematic to a bunch of unsupervised, judgment-impaired tweens at 3am is proving a real pain in the ass.
Personally, I'm focusing on trying to be less negative about things. It's funny, because I think of myself as an optimist, and I suppose I am in a way, but on a real micro scale, I'm awesome at honing in on what's wrong rather than what's right. This is making me unhappy & I need to choose something different. Still. Goddamn it's hard. Really. Like "don't think about a pink elephant" hard. But I am at least more aware of my tendency to find the bad in anything, which is a start.
I could probably write much more, but I have a damn lot of work to do today. Which is not annoying, it's making the time go by. :) Did you believe that? Nah, me neither.
I suppose part of the problem is that life is just too good right now. Contentedness is boring. And you're not supposed to brag about it anyway. But I'm going to try, with the understanding that I paid my misery dues threefold in my twenties.
I went on an awesome vacation to the caribbean while the economy repeatedly bitch-slapped many people I care about. It was beautiful, and yet I managed to remain cranky through most of it. Picture: a codependent trying to satisfy the conflicting needs of an eleven year old daughter and an, um, adult year-old husband. While menstruating. And then the mother arrives halfway through the week. We have a Very Special Dynamic. When I'm around, she tends to fall into a child role, and I get to be the mom. It's fun. I snapped at the end. Still, if I'm going to feel like crap, I'd rather do it in St. John than in New Jersey.
I came back and dropped into a rather deep depression and brain freeze. As in, I asked for a hug from J, he gave me one, we talked a minute or two, and I asked when I would get my hug. It's like being betrayed by your own brain. It turned out I was anemic. I'm feeling pretty good now, even if do I have to drink a rusty tin can tincture every morning. I think I already mentioned that here.
Seems like I've mentioned just about everything else, too. Met some great local people via Meetup, I'm doing a Radical Self Care workshop series with them (for the first month I did that gratitude/success thing - now I'm supposed to be focused on pleasure, so there's not much to write about. or rather, there is, but nothing I'm feeling so public about, if you know what I'm sayin') and I went to their Red Tent Temple gathering & met some really lovely people who I can see myself spending time with. I realized that part of what's been holding me back from making friends is a sort of knee-jerk cynicism, looking for what's wrong with people, rather than looking for ways to connect. Toxic. Haven't connected with anyone since those groups, so I guess I'm just looking forward to the next one. I'm a little timid. Yes, me. What?
Currently, we're clearing out all the beds and weeding and planting seedlings and generally getting ready for spring. The tomatoes, eggplant, peppers, broccoli, cauliflower, brussels sprouts and chinese cabbage have all sprouted. I'm still waiting for ground temps warm enough to plant the beans, roots & other direct-sow things I've forgotten I bought. I've been watching the ground every day for signs of asparagus and rhubarb. Nothing yet. The day lilies have little tips poking out, as do the tulips and hyacinth. I freakin ADORE spring! My fingertips are sore, though, from digging out weed root runners.
We went to Ikea yesterday to buy some more appropriate furniture for the TV room. The thing the new TV was on wasn't really big enough for it or the other accessory electronic boxes, so now that's fixed. And the laptops were always sitting in a giant tangled pile on an antique trunk, so instead we bought a little cabinet where we can slide them onto shelves and have a clean surface up top. The cords still aren't particularly well, managed, but one hurdle at a time. And besides, now the remote has a clear shot at the cable box, which is nice.
We're working hard to get the house ready for the invasion of the tweens this weekend. C's birthday is a week from tomorrow and this weekend she's having a slumber party. Yay for having a house full 11 & 12 year-old girls shrieking late into the night. I have managed to avoid it up till now, so I suppose I shouldn't complain too much. Still, hiding all the breakables, booze, books about sex, & other things that could be problematic to a bunch of unsupervised, judgment-impaired tweens at 3am is proving a real pain in the ass.
Personally, I'm focusing on trying to be less negative about things. It's funny, because I think of myself as an optimist, and I suppose I am in a way, but on a real micro scale, I'm awesome at honing in on what's wrong rather than what's right. This is making me unhappy & I need to choose something different. Still. Goddamn it's hard. Really. Like "don't think about a pink elephant" hard. But I am at least more aware of my tendency to find the bad in anything, which is a start.
I could probably write much more, but I have a damn lot of work to do today. Which is not annoying, it's making the time go by. :) Did you believe that? Nah, me neither.