D - M - F'ing - V
God forbid you try to make something easier. Because you know that means that eventually it will come back and bite you in the ass HARDER than that thing which you were trying to avoid in the first place. Especially if it involves the DMV.
I got my name changed back to my maiden name before the wedding so that I would not forever have to drag around my divorce certificate along with my marriage certificate and the rest of the damnable 6 points of identification this state requires for you to so much as fart at the DMV. Because I had to have an ID that matched the name on the marriage application, I got a drivers license with my maiden name on it, with the intent of only having it briefly.
I seem to have misplaced it.
So I went to the DMV today with my birth certificate and marriage license, pathetically believing that this would be enough for me to obtain another license, preferably one with my new last name on it. But silly me, I forgot MY ETERNAL SOUL.
See, what they needed from me was a bill with my maiden name on it, since that was the last name I had on a drivers license. But most of the bills don't come to me, and the few that do still have Dexter on them, which is my ex's name. They suggested a bank statement, but my bank wouldn't change my name without a drivers license with my new name on it, and...well, you can see the catch-22.
So I attempt to talk to the manager. I'm trying to explain the situation to him and he keeps saying "you already told me" and I'm like "no, I haven't yet" and we went around in several such circles, before I finally managed to tell him by talking over him him about the whole interim maiden name.
At which point a cop walks up. Now I will say, he was a cop in the good way. He'd have been an excellent Ranger - he basically FLAMEd me. So again I explained (though the sense of futility mounted and I wondered several times why I was going over this with a cop) and tried to make him understand that the typical solutions weren't going to work for me because of the brief stint in the maiden name. At some point in this conversation, another completely uninvolved DMV harpy employee walks up and starts inserting herself in the conversation. So AGAIN I begin to try to explain about the extra name. She keeps interrupting, assuming she knows what I'm going to say, so I keep trying to explain.
Finally, she says "if you don't stop interrupting me..." and I couldn't tell you what she said after that because I stopped listening and started figuring out whether I wanted to give this bitch what for or just walk away. Walk away won. I said, "you know what? I'm done. Done. Done." to which she says, like a good little toddler, "GOOD!" as I was walking out the door.
I don't get angry much. Like I couldn't even tell you the last time I did. But I can tell you that I was LIVID today. I seem to be a non-entity as far as the DMV is concerned. I can't find my old license, I can't get another license, I have no proof of address and I can't seem to get one in anything like a reasonable timeline, AND I'm leaving for Missouri in a week, during which time I'm DEFINITELY going to need a drivers license.
So I went to the bank with my birth certificate and my marriage certificate and no photo id and begged. Fortunately the manager had pity on me and accepted them for the name change, so the next statement will have my married name on it, which will be enough for me to get the drivers license.
Unfortunately, statements went out yesterday. Which means I won't get one with Cook on it for another month.
Fortunately she says I can come back in a couple days and she'll make me a certified letter with my new account info on it. Which I will then take to a different DMV where there is no horrible shrew (or at least not that particular one) and I will finally get my damn license with my damn married name on it.
There. That wasn't so hard, right? It's sure a good thing I reverted to my maiden name so I wouldn't have to endure the hardship of carrying in my divorce certificate.
I got my name changed back to my maiden name before the wedding so that I would not forever have to drag around my divorce certificate along with my marriage certificate and the rest of the damnable 6 points of identification this state requires for you to so much as fart at the DMV. Because I had to have an ID that matched the name on the marriage application, I got a drivers license with my maiden name on it, with the intent of only having it briefly.
I seem to have misplaced it.
So I went to the DMV today with my birth certificate and marriage license, pathetically believing that this would be enough for me to obtain another license, preferably one with my new last name on it. But silly me, I forgot MY ETERNAL SOUL.
See, what they needed from me was a bill with my maiden name on it, since that was the last name I had on a drivers license. But most of the bills don't come to me, and the few that do still have Dexter on them, which is my ex's name. They suggested a bank statement, but my bank wouldn't change my name without a drivers license with my new name on it, and...well, you can see the catch-22.
So I attempt to talk to the manager. I'm trying to explain the situation to him and he keeps saying "you already told me" and I'm like "no, I haven't yet" and we went around in several such circles, before I finally managed to tell him by talking over him him about the whole interim maiden name.
At which point a cop walks up. Now I will say, he was a cop in the good way. He'd have been an excellent Ranger - he basically FLAMEd me. So again I explained (though the sense of futility mounted and I wondered several times why I was going over this with a cop) and tried to make him understand that the typical solutions weren't going to work for me because of the brief stint in the maiden name. At some point in this conversation, another completely uninvolved DMV harpy employee walks up and starts inserting herself in the conversation. So AGAIN I begin to try to explain about the extra name. She keeps interrupting, assuming she knows what I'm going to say, so I keep trying to explain.
Finally, she says "if you don't stop interrupting me..." and I couldn't tell you what she said after that because I stopped listening and started figuring out whether I wanted to give this bitch what for or just walk away. Walk away won. I said, "you know what? I'm done. Done. Done." to which she says, like a good little toddler, "GOOD!" as I was walking out the door.
I don't get angry much. Like I couldn't even tell you the last time I did. But I can tell you that I was LIVID today. I seem to be a non-entity as far as the DMV is concerned. I can't find my old license, I can't get another license, I have no proof of address and I can't seem to get one in anything like a reasonable timeline, AND I'm leaving for Missouri in a week, during which time I'm DEFINITELY going to need a drivers license.
So I went to the bank with my birth certificate and my marriage certificate and no photo id and begged. Fortunately the manager had pity on me and accepted them for the name change, so the next statement will have my married name on it, which will be enough for me to get the drivers license.
Unfortunately, statements went out yesterday. Which means I won't get one with Cook on it for another month.
Fortunately she says I can come back in a couple days and she'll make me a certified letter with my new account info on it. Which I will then take to a different DMV where there is no horrible shrew (or at least not that particular one) and I will finally get my damn license with my damn married name on it.
There. That wasn't so hard, right? It's sure a good thing I reverted to my maiden name so I wouldn't have to endure the hardship of carrying in my divorce certificate.