The insanity I've been holding in all this time
Yes, I know it's been forever since I wrote in here. But I just want at least some to hear me out.
I've been missing a lot of people lately. These are people I could never quite forget. I've tried to forget, I've tried to be rational, but I've discovered that being "rational" doesn't mean shit. It actually makes you more miserable to assume the people you truly love just don't give a fuck about you, especially if you see things that quite prove that they DO care, even if they are well hidden points.
The bottom line - I want people back in my life. I've made a few efforts to not much avail. On the other hand, I feel like I've held back. Or maybe I have done enough, and this entry is too much. Still, I'm hurting.
Allison - I miss you, I miss the team. I'm sorry for being such an asshole back in February. It was a big misunderstanding. Even though the conversation was far from being jovial and friendly, it reminded me that you did care, especially when you didn't say no to the possibility of being my friend again. Can we just forgive and forget? I just want that closure, because it bugs me every day, and I wonder how you are doing and such. I know last time we talked you were afraid of being my friend again, for fear I'd hurt you, but think about this - relationships aren't perfect. Their strength is proven by each person's ability to forgive the other person for what wrong they may have caused. If you miss me enough - I really want to see how strong our relationship can become, and not remain in shambles. I hope this message gets to you somehow; I've decided if you're meant to see it, you will.
Tim - as you have noticed, I've contacted you recently. I think we ended on bad terms, but it just wasn't the time to build a friendship. I was a mess, quite honestly. However, I'm doing a whole lot better and I'm working on rebuilding my life. Please respond to me soon; I want proof of what you want from me, whether or not you want me back. I just want to start over. You made me realize how valuable I really am, and that is what motivated to put my self esteem back together, and I'm eternally grateful for that. :) I want to continue building what wasn't possible to build a year and a half ago.
Max - I've tried to get a hold of you, but you won't respond to anything, and it's honestly frustrating. It might be a sign that you just don't give a fuck anymore, but I've received other indications that you do care more than you admit. Maybe I'm totally insane and crazy, but I just want some answers from you. Hell, just say SOMETHING to me, even if it is to say that I'm being a total nut by bothering the shit out of you. You could have removed me from Facebook or LJ friends, but you didn't. You could have blocked me on AIM, but you didn't. If I was bugging you THAT much, you could have done something like that and I would have gotten the hint. Who knows though, maybe you just don't know what to do. Even if you don't - just talk to me, tell me what's going on, and I think we'd both be put out of our misery.
Well, that felt good to let that all out. Even if I feel like an idiot in the end, hey, I took a risk instead of doing nothing and wondering what could have happened if I did try.
I've been missing a lot of people lately. These are people I could never quite forget. I've tried to forget, I've tried to be rational, but I've discovered that being "rational" doesn't mean shit. It actually makes you more miserable to assume the people you truly love just don't give a fuck about you, especially if you see things that quite prove that they DO care, even if they are well hidden points.
The bottom line - I want people back in my life. I've made a few efforts to not much avail. On the other hand, I feel like I've held back. Or maybe I have done enough, and this entry is too much. Still, I'm hurting.
Allison - I miss you, I miss the team. I'm sorry for being such an asshole back in February. It was a big misunderstanding. Even though the conversation was far from being jovial and friendly, it reminded me that you did care, especially when you didn't say no to the possibility of being my friend again. Can we just forgive and forget? I just want that closure, because it bugs me every day, and I wonder how you are doing and such. I know last time we talked you were afraid of being my friend again, for fear I'd hurt you, but think about this - relationships aren't perfect. Their strength is proven by each person's ability to forgive the other person for what wrong they may have caused. If you miss me enough - I really want to see how strong our relationship can become, and not remain in shambles. I hope this message gets to you somehow; I've decided if you're meant to see it, you will.
Tim - as you have noticed, I've contacted you recently. I think we ended on bad terms, but it just wasn't the time to build a friendship. I was a mess, quite honestly. However, I'm doing a whole lot better and I'm working on rebuilding my life. Please respond to me soon; I want proof of what you want from me, whether or not you want me back. I just want to start over. You made me realize how valuable I really am, and that is what motivated to put my self esteem back together, and I'm eternally grateful for that. :) I want to continue building what wasn't possible to build a year and a half ago.
Max - I've tried to get a hold of you, but you won't respond to anything, and it's honestly frustrating. It might be a sign that you just don't give a fuck anymore, but I've received other indications that you do care more than you admit. Maybe I'm totally insane and crazy, but I just want some answers from you. Hell, just say SOMETHING to me, even if it is to say that I'm being a total nut by bothering the shit out of you. You could have removed me from Facebook or LJ friends, but you didn't. You could have blocked me on AIM, but you didn't. If I was bugging you THAT much, you could have done something like that and I would have gotten the hint. Who knows though, maybe you just don't know what to do. Even if you don't - just talk to me, tell me what's going on, and I think we'd both be put out of our misery.
Well, that felt good to let that all out. Even if I feel like an idiot in the end, hey, I took a risk instead of doing nothing and wondering what could have happened if I did try.