Alexander's No Good, Very Bad Day
Today was definitely one of the worst days I've had in a long time. It reminded me of that book I used to read when I was little, "Alexander's No Good, Very Bad Day" And in the end his mom makes it better or something... Well at least that's what happened for me, in the end, my mom made it better... thank God.
I lost a friend recently. Well, I the realization was that I had actually lost this friend months ago... It was weird. I never expected to just wake up one day and not be friends anymore. I don't do the whole "cut ties" thing very well. Almost instantaneously, I felt a familiar feeling of someone I cared about picking up and walking out of my life. It sucks. I feel like I should expect that from people by now, and I do. I don't have much faith in most people. Because people hurt you. But the worst thing is when they say it, because they see that you're afraid, so they remind you that they're not going anywhere... I should just remember next time to not believe it when someone promises me they won't walk out of my life.
Any time in the past where there's been a rift in a friendship, I have always had upmost faith that this rift won't be forever, and that some day soon, this will all blow over and we can just be friends again... But this, I don't know, this is different... I really fear there's no getting back up on the horse for this one... In this situation, it seems the friendship had been one-sided for a very long time... It's sad. But I guess I should have seen it coming. This would have happened one way or another...
What's hard about all of this, is realizing that in the entire 2 and a half years of college I've had, I haven't built a single lasting relationship. That sucks! I mean, is there something wrong with me? Or is it just what I've been learning about people recently, that you can't trust a single soul, and you WILL be let down by someone who means a lot to you? Where do you put your stock when all your relationships fail?
Am I wrong for not receiving his love? Is there something wrong with me that he says and does all the right things but yet, I still didn't want to be with him?
I guess at this point I just need to see that real, faithful people exist. People that inspire hope. People that no matter what, will stick with you, even when you're a jerk. I need to know that it exists. I need to know that it is real, that relationships actually mean something.
I need to know that I can actually mean something to someone, something that they can't just stand up and walk away from...
Someone just prove it to me.
Someone prove that people can be happy together, forever.
I lost a friend recently. Well, I the realization was that I had actually lost this friend months ago... It was weird. I never expected to just wake up one day and not be friends anymore. I don't do the whole "cut ties" thing very well. Almost instantaneously, I felt a familiar feeling of someone I cared about picking up and walking out of my life. It sucks. I feel like I should expect that from people by now, and I do. I don't have much faith in most people. Because people hurt you. But the worst thing is when they say it, because they see that you're afraid, so they remind you that they're not going anywhere... I should just remember next time to not believe it when someone promises me they won't walk out of my life.
Any time in the past where there's been a rift in a friendship, I have always had upmost faith that this rift won't be forever, and that some day soon, this will all blow over and we can just be friends again... But this, I don't know, this is different... I really fear there's no getting back up on the horse for this one... In this situation, it seems the friendship had been one-sided for a very long time... It's sad. But I guess I should have seen it coming. This would have happened one way or another...
What's hard about all of this, is realizing that in the entire 2 and a half years of college I've had, I haven't built a single lasting relationship. That sucks! I mean, is there something wrong with me? Or is it just what I've been learning about people recently, that you can't trust a single soul, and you WILL be let down by someone who means a lot to you? Where do you put your stock when all your relationships fail?
Am I wrong for not receiving his love? Is there something wrong with me that he says and does all the right things but yet, I still didn't want to be with him?
I guess at this point I just need to see that real, faithful people exist. People that inspire hope. People that no matter what, will stick with you, even when you're a jerk. I need to know that it exists. I need to know that it is real, that relationships actually mean something.
I need to know that I can actually mean something to someone, something that they can't just stand up and walk away from...
Someone just prove it to me.
Someone prove that people can be happy together, forever.