All I Can Do is Keep Breathing
I want to change the world. Instead, I sleep....
All I can do is keep breathing... all I can do is keep breathing...
I am at this point in my life where I am so ready to give up its not even funny. I have this job interview, right? Which is like, THANK GOD! Because I'm so broke it hurts. But the irony of life, FUCKING LIFE, and fucking IRONY, is that I don't have a way to this job...
Dammit.
I mean, I have tried to get a job EVERYWHERE within walking distance of where I am currently residing, but nothing, NOT A THING is hiring... or if they are, I guess I'm just a joke... But then, 3 places, right off the bat, want to hire me on the other side of town. So I go to this interview today right, and get the job, then what? Then what do I do? What happens when a day comes that I don't have a way to get to work? I get fired... and then I'm right back where I started.
I need a job. To get a car. I need a Car. To get a job.
all I can do is keep breathing.
I'm so over this shit hole. I'm so over living like this. This isn't living! This is hardly considered existing... I couldn't even express what I'm feeling right now. I mean, I know its all going to work out... someday... But what can I do to help it move along!? I'm stuck here. For the past 3 years of my life I have sort of ended up back in this same spot over and over but every time it gets slightly worse.
and now.... well it's the worst and I'm over it. I'm over being in this spot. With this shit. An unproductive member of society. I might as well not exist.
Most people my age don't understand. Because Mom and Dad will swoop into their lives and pay their pretty little way. So when they say "I'm broke" and I say "I'm broke" it means two VERY different things. And I'm sure they have two VERY different outcomes.
all I can do is keep breathing...
A friend of mine has continued to offer me a place to stay since the beginning of all of this misfortune. He's the only one who's legitimately offered. Which makes him a good friend I guess. But he's kind of not a good friend at the same time. Which makes me hesitant to take him up on the offer... Only slightly hesitant though. I would probably still go there only because I'm desperate with no other options. Only he lives on the complete opposite side of town. He's close to my school... But nothing else. And ANNND the main reason why I can't bring myself to just accept is because, well, I'm broke. I have absolutely nothing to offer him. Nothing at all. And who knows how long the job hunt will take. Who knows where I'll end up. I just can't do it. I mean, I could just do it. But I can't. I can't bring myself to just let go and hope for the best. I don't have a single penny to my name... I don't want someone to just take care of me.
I want to fix this.
I want to be better.
I want to be ok.
but here I am. we're going on about 3 months now of all this misfortune... Oh, how things have progressed from bad to worse in 3 short months. It's time for a change. It's time for a chin up and it's time for some direction.
I see it happening, I'm slipping into this depression and I can't stop. I can't get out of it. I need to change now... or I need to give up.
keep breathing...
I took this picture last weekend. At this moment in time, everything else faded away... and I was Ok.
Better - Dashboard Confessional
This song is one of favorites. A cover of Regina Spektor's "Better"
Peace/Love
Andy
All I can do is keep breathing... all I can do is keep breathing...
I am at this point in my life where I am so ready to give up its not even funny. I have this job interview, right? Which is like, THANK GOD! Because I'm so broke it hurts. But the irony of life, FUCKING LIFE, and fucking IRONY, is that I don't have a way to this job...
Dammit.
I mean, I have tried to get a job EVERYWHERE within walking distance of where I am currently residing, but nothing, NOT A THING is hiring... or if they are, I guess I'm just a joke... But then, 3 places, right off the bat, want to hire me on the other side of town. So I go to this interview today right, and get the job, then what? Then what do I do? What happens when a day comes that I don't have a way to get to work? I get fired... and then I'm right back where I started.
I need a job. To get a car. I need a Car. To get a job.
all I can do is keep breathing.
I'm so over this shit hole. I'm so over living like this. This isn't living! This is hardly considered existing... I couldn't even express what I'm feeling right now. I mean, I know its all going to work out... someday... But what can I do to help it move along!? I'm stuck here. For the past 3 years of my life I have sort of ended up back in this same spot over and over but every time it gets slightly worse.
and now.... well it's the worst and I'm over it. I'm over being in this spot. With this shit. An unproductive member of society. I might as well not exist.
Most people my age don't understand. Because Mom and Dad will swoop into their lives and pay their pretty little way. So when they say "I'm broke" and I say "I'm broke" it means two VERY different things. And I'm sure they have two VERY different outcomes.
all I can do is keep breathing...
A friend of mine has continued to offer me a place to stay since the beginning of all of this misfortune. He's the only one who's legitimately offered. Which makes him a good friend I guess. But he's kind of not a good friend at the same time. Which makes me hesitant to take him up on the offer... Only slightly hesitant though. I would probably still go there only because I'm desperate with no other options. Only he lives on the complete opposite side of town. He's close to my school... But nothing else. And ANNND the main reason why I can't bring myself to just accept is because, well, I'm broke. I have absolutely nothing to offer him. Nothing at all. And who knows how long the job hunt will take. Who knows where I'll end up. I just can't do it. I mean, I could just do it. But I can't. I can't bring myself to just let go and hope for the best. I don't have a single penny to my name... I don't want someone to just take care of me.
I want to fix this.
I want to be better.
I want to be ok.
but here I am. we're going on about 3 months now of all this misfortune... Oh, how things have progressed from bad to worse in 3 short months. It's time for a change. It's time for a chin up and it's time for some direction.
I see it happening, I'm slipping into this depression and I can't stop. I can't get out of it. I need to change now... or I need to give up.
keep breathing...
I took this picture last weekend. At this moment in time, everything else faded away... and I was Ok.
Better - Dashboard Confessional
This song is one of favorites. A cover of Regina Spektor's "Better"
Peace/Love
Andy