Bwhahahaha... Oh. Ehm. Yeah. *points at sparkly head* (And here I thought everyone could follow my trail of thoughts LOL)
You, my dear, are either genius, or a complete nutjob. Possibly both.
Personally I'd vote for the nutjob-part. I always suspected I wasn't sane in the slightest. Not sure whether it was meant as a compliment, but however; thank you for plowing through the mess.=D
Geniuses are probably only the rare few people who find a middle-way to actually communicate their insanity to the outside world (through a standardized channel - may it be through conceptual imagery or through glimpses of deconstructed visions) ; I guess in the end it’s a matter of the limited space wherein sanity/insanity meet and rejoice and make communicative miracles take form and flourish. That road is perhaps rather a space than a road - perceptibly narrow, but in fact, I suspect it speaks only of a continuum. Sometimes the things that remain hidden are those we stare at intently, with eyes closed.
And no, I don't actually have the vaguest idea
( ... )
I wasn't trying to evaluate you in any way; in other words, neither a compliment nor an insult.;) Just trying to make sense of things, as it were.
Geniuses are probably only the rare few people who find a middle-way to actually communicate their insanity to the outside world
That could very well be true.:)
But really, I’m quite an open book for anyone who wants to travel through the pages. Or, so I thought.I know you are not trying to be mysterious on purpose, or anything like that. You seem very sincere in expressing your thoughts and feelings. What I was trying to say is that sometimes the language you use to describe your thought processes is totally incomprehensible to me. And I don't mean "language" as in your level of fluency in English, which is brilliant. I mean the way your mind works - and I never thought I'd say this of anyone, but you seem almost too deep/complex for me. Or at least operating on some sort of different wavelength that my receivers don't pick up (if that
( ... )
me-missing-uilluins_lairMarch 25 2011, 23:11:01 UTC
Just trying to make sense of things, as it were. That is alright I suppose. I haven't made much sense overall, I guess. Like, ever. Nevermind. I didn't expect to be understood anytime soon.
Though, I am very sorry to having hurt you, if that is the case (I am not sure, but I fucking sense it) Hence I suspect that everything I make - made - will make is a slight lil failure because I'm sincerely human… *duct tapes self* Want you to know that; Y... in case you DONT KNOW IT YET; I Wish u joy - ALWAYS!
Hope you recognize at least the intention. I feel a bit lost at the rest. (no, don't deal with it if it's just a headache in the end, pleweeze)
I guess, all I sincerely would like to deal with right now is... 'Why are you angry with me?' Because, it makes me feel worse than shit. =( I ...simply don't understand.
On the other hand, it could be just me; imagining things and so be it well with that and fuck the rest etc.
Yeah. anyway I feel like misery. If that was your intention... um... congrats.
Re: me-missing-uilluins_lairApril 8 2011, 22:21:55 UTC
I seem to be getting conflicting messages for the past few months. It feels like I am unable to "read" you anymore - and it frustrates me, because I don't want to loose the connection I thought we had.I know that - as in.. I’m aware of it, and... also; it is absolutely_not how I intended it to be. With you. (Duh
( ... )
Re: me-missing-ufloatingleafApril 9 2011, 01:45:30 UTC
Perhaps... it's me having to live up to something I can't? And I am kind of alone in the game?
Then perhaps we are both having the same problem, in a way. Or, in other words, we want totally different things from each other. You want to feel desired and "pursued" in a romantic way - and that is precisely something I feel I can't "live up to" at this point. While all I want is a close, dear friend on whom I could count to be, well... present (to use your expression). Only that - no more, no less. And that's what you were to me for a while - and perhaps in being that, you were sacrificing/neglecting your own needs. And I was being selfish by not noticing that
( ... )
Re: me-missing-uilluins_lairApril 8 2011, 22:44:49 UTC
It was never my intention to make you feel miserable, and I sincerely apologize if I came across that way. This is some sort of communication failure, again.:( You have probably every right to um…not-understand-me. Which is… or has to be… OK. If it wasn’t for the cause of reason itself; that I might have hurt You, in being Me.. y’know.. I would just fuck it away, as if it was nothing. But I can't. Because it DOES matters to me. While it - naturally, sort of hurts me in every possible way I know, on this side of Life.
Re: me-missing-uilluins_lairApril 8 2011, 23:01:08 UTC
I don't know what to make of your random disappearances and equally random re-appearances after I have almost managed come to terms with the fact that you are gone... yet again. It's like trying to have a conversation on a broken phone... catching snatches of random unfinished phrases, repeating yourself just in case you were not heard... shouting into silence. Will there be an echo this time?...I am never gone, you need to know that. Yes; I may be distracted for a time, but I am never ever gone. EVER. You must come to - and be aware of, the (true) terms of my disappearances
( ... )
Re: me-missing-ufloatingleafApril 10 2011, 01:20:44 UTC
whatever I am thinking - it is not some personal offence against you!
I have never said, or implied, that it was. Have I? *blinks*
It's not that I have a problem with unfinished thoughts - I used that as a metaphor for erratic contact, as in one random reply to a comment from three months ago that I don't even remember making anymore, and then having to wait another three months for the next one. You say you are never gone, but it doesn't feel that way to me. To me, it feels as if you are almost always gone - except for the random, unpredictable, brief moments when you aren't. Which is why I said maybe it would be better to just cut it off. Maybe that would make things easier for both of us. Though I am probably much more of a disappointment to you than you are to me, all things considered. And there's nothing I can do to change that. So it's for you to decide if there's any point to this at all.
Re: me-missing-uilluins_lairApril 8 2011, 23:16:11 UTC
Of course, this is all perfectly fine if we are just casual, random acquaintances - in this case, please disregard the previous paragraph and forget all about it, and I will try to do the same. But a lot of the things you said made me feel that we were more than that - hence the confusion. I don’t think we were ever casual, random acquaintances or - at least, you were never that to me. I always considered us more than that. Or y’know … You were always more than that to me, anyway. *hands u key to heart* At one point, I felt as I was too much to you; as if I - as Me, was too far away, beyond the real affection and too fucking bold and weird and wicked. Etc. Honestly; I felt so much for you, that it was scary! Lol Yep. Too much.
Re: me-missing-ufloatingleafApril 10 2011, 02:25:42 UTC
At one point, I felt as I was too much to you; as if I - as Me, was too far away, beyond the real affection and too fucking bold and weird and wicked. Etc.Yes. I just couldn't understand the WHY and HOW of your fascination - I mean, we were just getting to know each other, and it was very exciting and wonderful and all, but... it seemed as though you had created some idealized version of me in your head and fallen in love with that conceptual person, and I didn't even know who she was. I still don't. I still don't even know who YOU are. And I never will, unless we actually INTERACT on a more-or-less regular basis for the next few months/years/however long it takes to get to know someone well enough (for real) to fall in love with them. At least that's how things work for me. I am not questioning the sincerity of your feelings - only my own "aptitude" in being their object, so to speak. To give an example of what I mean - I have this wild crush on Viggo, right?... But do I actually know if I would want to live with him as his lover/
( ... )
You, my dear, are either genius, or a complete nutjob. *nods*
Possibly both.
And no, I don't actually have the vaguest idea of who you are. *blinks dazedly at the screen*
Reply
You, my dear, are either genius, or a complete nutjob. Possibly both.
Personally I'd vote for the nutjob-part. I always suspected I wasn't sane in the slightest. Not sure whether it was meant as a compliment, but however; thank you for plowing through the mess.=D
Geniuses are probably only the rare few people who find a middle-way to actually communicate their insanity to the outside world (through a standardized channel - may it be through conceptual imagery or through glimpses of deconstructed visions) ; I guess in the end it’s a matter of the limited space wherein sanity/insanity meet and rejoice and make communicative miracles take form and flourish.
That road is perhaps rather a space than a road - perceptibly narrow, but in fact, I suspect it speaks only of a continuum. Sometimes the things that remain hidden are those we stare at intently, with eyes closed.
And no, I don't actually have the vaguest idea ( ... )
Reply
I wasn't trying to evaluate you in any way; in other words, neither a compliment nor an insult.;) Just trying to make sense of things, as it were.
Geniuses are probably only the rare few people who find a middle-way to actually communicate their insanity to the outside world
That could very well be true.:)
But really, I’m quite an open book for anyone who wants to travel through the pages. Or, so I thought.I know you are not trying to be mysterious on purpose, or anything like that. You seem very sincere in expressing your thoughts and feelings. What I was trying to say is that sometimes the language you use to describe your thought processes is totally incomprehensible to me. And I don't mean "language" as in your level of fluency in English, which is brilliant. I mean the way your mind works - and I never thought I'd say this of anyone, but you seem almost too deep/complex for me. Or at least operating on some sort of different wavelength that my receivers don't pick up (if that ( ... )
Reply
That is alright I suppose. I haven't made much sense overall, I guess. Like, ever. Nevermind. I didn't expect to be understood anytime soon.
Though, I am very sorry to having hurt you, if that is the case (I am not sure, but I fucking sense it)
Hence I suspect that everything I make - made - will make is a slight lil failure because I'm sincerely human… *duct tapes self*
Want you to know that; Y... in case you DONT KNOW IT YET; I Wish u joy - ALWAYS!
Hope you recognize at least the intention. I feel a bit lost at the rest.
(no, don't deal with it if it's just a headache in the end, pleweeze)
I guess, all I sincerely would like to deal with right now is... 'Why are you angry with me?'
Because, it makes me feel worse than shit. =(
I ...simply don't understand.
On the other hand, it could be just me; imagining things and so be it well with that and fuck the rest etc.
Yeah. anyway I feel like misery. If that was your intention... um... congrats.
Reply
Reply
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Then perhaps we are both having the same problem, in a way. Or, in other words, we want totally different things from each other. You want to feel desired and "pursued" in a romantic way - and that is precisely something I feel I can't "live up to" at this point. While all I want is a close, dear friend on whom I could count to be, well... present (to use your expression). Only that - no more, no less. And that's what you were to me for a while - and perhaps in being that, you were sacrificing/neglecting your own needs. And I was being selfish by not noticing that ( ... )
Reply
You have probably every right to um…not-understand-me. Which is… or has to be… OK.
If it wasn’t for the cause of reason itself; that I might have hurt You, in being Me.. y’know.. I would just fuck it away, as if it was nothing. But I can't. Because it DOES matters to me.
While it - naturally, sort of hurts me in every possible way I know, on this side of Life.
Reply
Reply
I have never said, or implied, that it was. Have I? *blinks*
It's not that I have a problem with unfinished thoughts - I used that as a metaphor for erratic contact, as in one random reply to a comment from three months ago that I don't even remember making anymore, and then having to wait another three months for the next one. You say you are never gone, but it doesn't feel that way to me. To me, it feels as if you are almost always gone - except for the random, unpredictable, brief moments when you aren't. Which is why I said maybe it would be better to just cut it off. Maybe that would make things easier for both of us. Though I am probably much more of a disappointment to you than you are to me, all things considered. And there's nothing I can do to change that. So it's for you to decide if there's any point to this at all.
Reply
I don’t think we were ever casual, random acquaintances or - at least, you were never that to me. I always considered us more than that. Or y’know … You were always more than that to me, anyway. *hands u key to heart*
At one point, I felt as I was too much to you; as if I - as Me, was too far away, beyond the real affection and too fucking bold and weird and wicked. Etc.
Honestly; I felt so much for you, that it was scary! Lol
Yep.
Too much.
Reply
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