Water down the back of a duck

[illoeanta]

I'm slightly messed up from yesterday, good news is that I survived and will be able to work tomorrow. The bad news is is that it felt quite good, and that I think I may do it several more times. Though, I'm starting to calm down now and I don't nearly have as much of an urge to jump as did before, it is still there. I need to live more peacefully. I've got too many problems to deal with all at once and I need to just start forgetting that they exist. I used to be so damn good at sublimation. Now i've almost completely forgotten how to do it. Well, back to the drawing board. I need to make myself feel better in a hurry. I need to find whatever it is that's making me feel so bad and just nip it in the bud. I do appologize for my outburst. I think they're getting slightly worse. In any case, I feel both better and worse now. All in all today is a great day. I just wish i had more free time to myself. Once I do and once I have everything I need to keep me busy I think I will be really happy. Unfortunately, I'm still waiting for my electric guitar, and my sumi ink. Also, I haven't found a place yet to practice swordsmanship. I might go hiking later this evening to find a place, but for now, I'm just trying to enjoy every minute that comes along. Because what I have gotten away from is that I used to believe that each minute is a new life beginning. Each incident in the past is but water on a duck's back. Evidentally, I need to just forget a lot of things. Though, I am kind of hurt that some people don't try to stay in touch with me. I feel like I do all the work with any of my friend ships. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot! Oh well, I suppose I really know who my true friends are. Even if they don't find time to say hi once in a while, I know they atleast think of me every now and again. When it comes right down to it, I know I may seem like a negative pessimistic person now, but what a lot of people don't realize is that I've always been like that. If you thought otherwise, you didn't know me very well. In fact everyone who knew that about me thought it was entertaining my best friends never took me seriously when I'd rant about things I didn't like, and I never expected anybody too. I'm just a big joke. I keep getting more serious though. . .Aww. . .look at me, I'm all grown up now. Not really. I hate being called sir when I go to restaurants or when I buy things at the grocery store. I'm only 18 for God's sake! Makes me feel so damned old being called "sir" granted I might look like I'm 30. . .but. . .grrrr! oh well. . .water on the back of a duck!

Ciao
~ Le Chat Noir