This is great...
This was a comment left by my friend Sue a while back which I'm sure went unnoticed, but I had to post it. She is a genius and so fucking funny, in my eyes at least. I miss her. So read this and enjoy.
Dear Jaclyn Salomone,
Since you are the daughter of the City Manager, I am in hopes that you will give him this imperative message. I am absolutely appalled that no one has ever given this idea even a chance of thought. Old people are dying everywhere in the town of Auburn. They are getting hit by city buses and Ups trucks. Young people are being emotionally and legally oppressed. They can't skateboard downtown and they are banned from living natural healthy lives. Black crows swarm over a dark gloomy aura which infest the city like a crued parasite.
Can there be a resolution to this indignant parasite that is slowing eating at the intestines of our Auburn, New York? The answer is YES! Yes, we CAN make a difference. We CAN save the old people, or at least end their fear of buses and Ups trucks. The youths can be happy at last. We can make a difference in each and every Auburnian's life. The answer, my dear friend, is a giant Cheese Fest. Everyone loves cheese! Mozeralla, monteray jack, cheddar, american, swiss(which isn't such a tasty choice), Asiago, brick, brie, camembert, colby, colby jack, Edam, provolone,feta, fontina, gorgonzola, gouda, gruyere, kasseri, limburger, ricotta, queso blanco, romano, scamorza, mascarpone, muenster, parmesan, pepato, pepper jack, cottage cheese, blue cheese, green cheese,purple cheese, black cheese, goat cheese,cat cheese, slut cheese, and Chucky Cheese. We can be the cheese city taht will beat out Wisconsin, the present cheese state! People and crows will flock to this cheese festival of oragasmic flavors, which will begin with a giant cheese parade. We can sell riffles to the youths who can shoot down all the crows and old people that are drawn to the massive cheese smorgasboargh. That way the crows won't haunt the city and the old people won't have to be consistantly hit by Ups trucks. The city will be a thriving beautiful place once again.
But where will all this dilicious cheese come from you ask? Instead of prisoners making lisence plates and chairs, we'll have them make lucious cheese! But where will the beloved cows come from? Well, that's an easy answer my friend. We will move the cows inside the prison walls, to also elimate the manuer problem in our gorgeous owasco lake. The prisoners will be delighted to milk cows, and create tasty cheese, to really do a favor for the surrounding city which surpresses them like cattle themselves. We'll simply be more careful to eat around the razors that may be occationally slipped into the spectacular cheese. Please, speak to your father about this important cheese notice. Together, we can save lives, and delete those that get in our way(like old people and crows). Make this world, a better place, like Michael Jackson would say, For you and for me, and the entire human race(excluding old people and crows of coarse).
Sincerely,
a big fat man who eats too much cheese
Dear Jaclyn Salomone,
Since you are the daughter of the City Manager, I am in hopes that you will give him this imperative message. I am absolutely appalled that no one has ever given this idea even a chance of thought. Old people are dying everywhere in the town of Auburn. They are getting hit by city buses and Ups trucks. Young people are being emotionally and legally oppressed. They can't skateboard downtown and they are banned from living natural healthy lives. Black crows swarm over a dark gloomy aura which infest the city like a crued parasite.
Can there be a resolution to this indignant parasite that is slowing eating at the intestines of our Auburn, New York? The answer is YES! Yes, we CAN make a difference. We CAN save the old people, or at least end their fear of buses and Ups trucks. The youths can be happy at last. We can make a difference in each and every Auburnian's life. The answer, my dear friend, is a giant Cheese Fest. Everyone loves cheese! Mozeralla, monteray jack, cheddar, american, swiss(which isn't such a tasty choice), Asiago, brick, brie, camembert, colby, colby jack, Edam, provolone,feta, fontina, gorgonzola, gouda, gruyere, kasseri, limburger, ricotta, queso blanco, romano, scamorza, mascarpone, muenster, parmesan, pepato, pepper jack, cottage cheese, blue cheese, green cheese,purple cheese, black cheese, goat cheese,cat cheese, slut cheese, and Chucky Cheese. We can be the cheese city taht will beat out Wisconsin, the present cheese state! People and crows will flock to this cheese festival of oragasmic flavors, which will begin with a giant cheese parade. We can sell riffles to the youths who can shoot down all the crows and old people that are drawn to the massive cheese smorgasboargh. That way the crows won't haunt the city and the old people won't have to be consistantly hit by Ups trucks. The city will be a thriving beautiful place once again.
But where will all this dilicious cheese come from you ask? Instead of prisoners making lisence plates and chairs, we'll have them make lucious cheese! But where will the beloved cows come from? Well, that's an easy answer my friend. We will move the cows inside the prison walls, to also elimate the manuer problem in our gorgeous owasco lake. The prisoners will be delighted to milk cows, and create tasty cheese, to really do a favor for the surrounding city which surpresses them like cattle themselves. We'll simply be more careful to eat around the razors that may be occationally slipped into the spectacular cheese. Please, speak to your father about this important cheese notice. Together, we can save lives, and delete those that get in our way(like old people and crows). Make this world, a better place, like Michael Jackson would say, For you and for me, and the entire human race(excluding old people and crows of coarse).
Sincerely,
a big fat man who eats too much cheese