ughh...
i had a breakdown last night.
it sucked.
i called ross because chris was sleeping and had school early so i didnt want to wake him.
talked to ross for a lil thank god for him.
then couldnt sleep so i wrote for like 3 hours.
i read it back this morning, and it really makes me wonder about myself.all the jumbled thoughts and irrational statements.i dont know.
i miss my dad.the old one that took me for rides in the wheel barrel in the backyard.
i dont think hes existed for a while.
i really miss my mom. and the comfort of a house that*s yours.
i dont know.
dont get me wrong i appreciate what i have right now soo much.
i mean where would i be right now.
either a shelter again or god knows where.if there is a god.
i dont want to think about this.
w/e.i have to stop this bullshit.
on a different note.thursday and glassjaw in new jerseys, got my name written all over it.eat your heart out.
damn straight.
random person imed me today telling me if i ever want a certain person "taken care of" its done in a second.
i dont understand how a person can be soo hated by so many different people.
a week ago i wouldnt have hesitated.but i think i kinda understand.
and i feel bad.
even though i shouldnt.
oh well i guess thats just me.
its really not important to me at all anymore.nothing is directly being done or said to me.and until it is, or someone i care about, then i have no reason to...because i have no more insecurity.and i like that feeling.w/e i just think its funny that im getting offers.even if it isnt for me.
i hope aim isnt as crazy as i think she is....although i wonder...
i think i also feel bad because of the other night.
when i was with the crazy girls and they went to go and scare that girl lauren.
i mean i was in the shittiest mood.and like i said, i wouldnt touch her cause she did nothing to me and i didnt even know her.
but she was set up by someone she actually probably cares about, or is obssessed with...either way its still shitty.
i mean i hade fun and the adrenaline was great.but i feel bad.
dont get me wrong i would do it again in a second...just because of the mom alone.haha crazy bitch.
OH....AND, to hear megan scream at her again:"MOMMY! MOMMY! I LIKE TO FUCK OTHER PEOPLES BOYFRIENDS! MOMMY!"
haha thats was priceless.
i decided.
i def believe in karma.
<3
Lily
it sucked.
i called ross because chris was sleeping and had school early so i didnt want to wake him.
talked to ross for a lil thank god for him.
then couldnt sleep so i wrote for like 3 hours.
i read it back this morning, and it really makes me wonder about myself.all the jumbled thoughts and irrational statements.i dont know.
i miss my dad.the old one that took me for rides in the wheel barrel in the backyard.
i dont think hes existed for a while.
i really miss my mom. and the comfort of a house that*s yours.
i dont know.
dont get me wrong i appreciate what i have right now soo much.
i mean where would i be right now.
either a shelter again or god knows where.if there is a god.
i dont want to think about this.
w/e.i have to stop this bullshit.
on a different note.thursday and glassjaw in new jerseys, got my name written all over it.eat your heart out.
damn straight.
random person imed me today telling me if i ever want a certain person "taken care of" its done in a second.
i dont understand how a person can be soo hated by so many different people.
a week ago i wouldnt have hesitated.but i think i kinda understand.
and i feel bad.
even though i shouldnt.
oh well i guess thats just me.
its really not important to me at all anymore.nothing is directly being done or said to me.and until it is, or someone i care about, then i have no reason to...because i have no more insecurity.and i like that feeling.w/e i just think its funny that im getting offers.even if it isnt for me.
i hope aim isnt as crazy as i think she is....although i wonder...
i think i also feel bad because of the other night.
when i was with the crazy girls and they went to go and scare that girl lauren.
i mean i was in the shittiest mood.and like i said, i wouldnt touch her cause she did nothing to me and i didnt even know her.
but she was set up by someone she actually probably cares about, or is obssessed with...either way its still shitty.
i mean i hade fun and the adrenaline was great.but i feel bad.
dont get me wrong i would do it again in a second...just because of the mom alone.haha crazy bitch.
OH....AND, to hear megan scream at her again:"MOMMY! MOMMY! I LIKE TO FUCK OTHER PEOPLES BOYFRIENDS! MOMMY!"
haha thats was priceless.
i decided.
i def believe in karma.
<3
Lily