Arrrr...
Ok...so life currently sucks. YES I'M GOING TO HAVE A GODDAMN BITCHY ENTRY. School just blows. I wonder if I'll reach a point where I'll just scream fuck it and move on with my life. I hate accounting and fear that I will eventually achieve my accounting goals and still be unhappy.
Work is interesting. While I don't HATE my job, I do hate being clerical. Which makes being an accounts payable CLERK difficult. The people there are awesome. Couldn't ask for a better group. Work makes me think about my body too much. It's sort of strange considering most ppl there are overweight. I feel like I'm being judged all the time there by other ppl outside of accounting. That I have this unrealistic expectation that I must meet for someone. Why the fuck I feel that way, I have no clue. Gail did show me how much each equity partner (partners who own the firm) "draws" monthly. Wouldn't it be grand to draw $23k/mo? Sickening. I wish I could go back...I wouldn't have chosen what my parents wanted me to do. :-/
I'm worried about Friday @ 5p. (this event is private b/c of certian issues.)
I feel like I'm falling out in almost every aspect of my life. I've spread myself so thin that I have no depth. I can barely dedicate time to school which causes me to do not so well. I mean I'm not failing out of school, but I'm definitely not going to look good to any grad school. That is if I ever make it there. I'm SO tired of school. I can't begin to describe how fucking tired of this shit I am. I wish it would all just end.
I barely see my friends any more.
I had lost some weight, about 12lbs. I've gained about 5 back. I don't know why I bother.
I have no clue what to do with my life. None. I wanted so bad to rush and get settled and be happy that I at least had some CLUE of what I wanted to do... so I went right to it. Now my fears are a reality and I hate what I got myself into. Sure it pays well, yeah the group is cool... I'm not using any talent that I posess (which God knows I've probably lost by this point from wasting my fucking time on this shit).
You know when I was younger I met the "free spirit" type people and laughed at them for being so fucking stupid and ignorant towards the real world. I thought of how the world would slap them in the face and how unhappy they would be when they had no money and their "talent." Maybe I was the idiot...
I'm not saying money is bad. I've definitely enjoyed having it, although I'm not sure where it's going. I just really don't think about it when I pay bills any more. It affords me this comfortable little townhouse and new furniture. w00t. Glad to see money has done wonders for my life. Offered me "independence."
In strange ways I guess I miss having all the concerns in the past. At least it gave life meaning and depth and perhaps gave an excuse for feeling like shit and not doing well. I think there's something wrong with me these days. Not depression... I'm really not depressed... I get out of bed, I go through my day... I'm feeling like "Fine Again" by Seether as usual. heh.
I'm really fucking tired of customer service. Is it just me or has every fucking person in the service industry become a complete fucking idiot???? Don't call T-Mobile. Don't call Wyhndam Hotels. Don't call Quest Travel Discounts. Don't call Crowne Plaza Hotels. Don't talk to people at RLS Consulting. All FOR FUCKING IDIOTS.
So...to re-cap. I'm not happy. Life blows. School blows. Not suicidal. Not depressed. Not excited. Confused. Unhappy. I miss my friends. I miss my family. I miss a life that doesn't so closely resemble Hell. I want school to be over. I hate accounting and don't know why I persue it. I have no clue what to do, and have no guidence or advice I trust. UTD can suck my cock. Eat that, Rebecca Yang.
I'm jeleous of Jessica from QT. She's moving to New York. Leaving her over-paying job here in Dallas that she hates to go be with her sister and work @ her dog grooming place with her by day, and watch the world pass by night...and that's ok. Fuck the snotty bitches here in Dallas, she's going to leave this shit and be happy. I wish I had 1/2 the balls she does. She's leaving this shit after realizing how miserable she is here and going with what makes her truely happy... her family and life up north. I'm so fucking proud of her.
I think I secretly hope that I will like it elsewhere in the US and leave. I'm gettin tired of Dallas. I don't know how much longer I can stay here. I don't even know if it's Dallas... maybe it's me. Maybe I'll just never be happy any where.
Richland College needs to invest in some fucking lights. It's not that hard to put up street lights so I don't run over the creepy black dude trying to cross the road. YES I SAID CREEPY BLACK DUDE.
So excuse me now I'm going to go find a meaning for my life beyond my American Express Card. Perhaps I should focus on working out (why?). Perhaps I should study more for the major I hate (why?). Maybe I should go get a bottle of vodka and call it a night... maybe if I was an alcoholic... but I'm not heh. Maybe I should try to do better at work since God knows after (and in the event of) getting my bachelors no grad school will take me except maybe Rebbecca Yang's School Of Economic in "oodlands," NM.
Ok... I think I'm done. I read in QUICK today that writing a journal helps relieve stress, and I have to agree slightly. I do feel a little better. :) I heart you all and please try to ignore my rambling and typos and grammar and spelling errors, I'm definitely not proofing, so FUCK OFF. <3
-Kevo
Work is interesting. While I don't HATE my job, I do hate being clerical. Which makes being an accounts payable CLERK difficult. The people there are awesome. Couldn't ask for a better group. Work makes me think about my body too much. It's sort of strange considering most ppl there are overweight. I feel like I'm being judged all the time there by other ppl outside of accounting. That I have this unrealistic expectation that I must meet for someone. Why the fuck I feel that way, I have no clue. Gail did show me how much each equity partner (partners who own the firm) "draws" monthly. Wouldn't it be grand to draw $23k/mo? Sickening. I wish I could go back...I wouldn't have chosen what my parents wanted me to do. :-/
I'm worried about Friday @ 5p. (this event is private b/c of certian issues.)
I feel like I'm falling out in almost every aspect of my life. I've spread myself so thin that I have no depth. I can barely dedicate time to school which causes me to do not so well. I mean I'm not failing out of school, but I'm definitely not going to look good to any grad school. That is if I ever make it there. I'm SO tired of school. I can't begin to describe how fucking tired of this shit I am. I wish it would all just end.
I barely see my friends any more.
I had lost some weight, about 12lbs. I've gained about 5 back. I don't know why I bother.
I have no clue what to do with my life. None. I wanted so bad to rush and get settled and be happy that I at least had some CLUE of what I wanted to do... so I went right to it. Now my fears are a reality and I hate what I got myself into. Sure it pays well, yeah the group is cool... I'm not using any talent that I posess (which God knows I've probably lost by this point from wasting my fucking time on this shit).
You know when I was younger I met the "free spirit" type people and laughed at them for being so fucking stupid and ignorant towards the real world. I thought of how the world would slap them in the face and how unhappy they would be when they had no money and their "talent." Maybe I was the idiot...
I'm not saying money is bad. I've definitely enjoyed having it, although I'm not sure where it's going. I just really don't think about it when I pay bills any more. It affords me this comfortable little townhouse and new furniture. w00t. Glad to see money has done wonders for my life. Offered me "independence."
In strange ways I guess I miss having all the concerns in the past. At least it gave life meaning and depth and perhaps gave an excuse for feeling like shit and not doing well. I think there's something wrong with me these days. Not depression... I'm really not depressed... I get out of bed, I go through my day... I'm feeling like "Fine Again" by Seether as usual. heh.
I'm really fucking tired of customer service. Is it just me or has every fucking person in the service industry become a complete fucking idiot???? Don't call T-Mobile. Don't call Wyhndam Hotels. Don't call Quest Travel Discounts. Don't call Crowne Plaza Hotels. Don't talk to people at RLS Consulting. All FOR FUCKING IDIOTS.
So...to re-cap. I'm not happy. Life blows. School blows. Not suicidal. Not depressed. Not excited. Confused. Unhappy. I miss my friends. I miss my family. I miss a life that doesn't so closely resemble Hell. I want school to be over. I hate accounting and don't know why I persue it. I have no clue what to do, and have no guidence or advice I trust. UTD can suck my cock. Eat that, Rebecca Yang.
I'm jeleous of Jessica from QT. She's moving to New York. Leaving her over-paying job here in Dallas that she hates to go be with her sister and work @ her dog grooming place with her by day, and watch the world pass by night...and that's ok. Fuck the snotty bitches here in Dallas, she's going to leave this shit and be happy. I wish I had 1/2 the balls she does. She's leaving this shit after realizing how miserable she is here and going with what makes her truely happy... her family and life up north. I'm so fucking proud of her.
I think I secretly hope that I will like it elsewhere in the US and leave. I'm gettin tired of Dallas. I don't know how much longer I can stay here. I don't even know if it's Dallas... maybe it's me. Maybe I'll just never be happy any where.
Richland College needs to invest in some fucking lights. It's not that hard to put up street lights so I don't run over the creepy black dude trying to cross the road. YES I SAID CREEPY BLACK DUDE.
So excuse me now I'm going to go find a meaning for my life beyond my American Express Card. Perhaps I should focus on working out (why?). Perhaps I should study more for the major I hate (why?). Maybe I should go get a bottle of vodka and call it a night... maybe if I was an alcoholic... but I'm not heh. Maybe I should try to do better at work since God knows after (and in the event of) getting my bachelors no grad school will take me except maybe Rebbecca Yang's School Of Economic in "oodlands," NM.
Ok... I think I'm done. I read in QUICK today that writing a journal helps relieve stress, and I have to agree slightly. I do feel a little better. :) I heart you all and please try to ignore my rambling and typos and grammar and spelling errors, I'm definitely not proofing, so FUCK OFF. <3
-Kevo