I wish I could scream
I just want to break everything I see. I want to scream so hard i pass out. I feel like i'm bubbling up with energy that is so full of hurt.. so negative.. no matter what I do to be a good person and let this go with the GOODNESS in my heart, the anger just comes back. I have NO way to put this to rest.. there is no way to get closure and damn it I need closure! I'm so angry right now I swear my eyes are a very shiney obsidon.
How do you do this to a person? Refuse to talk? Refuse to just get closure.. on both sides?! WTF is wrong with people!!! I'm not asking for the moon here.. I just want some closure.. in my heart there was a death.. a big one so very close to me.. it's time for that memorial service now. I deserve this. God I'm fighting back the hate that keeps welling up.
I wrote him this long email.. forgiving him, saying that even though we failed as lovers we were incredible friends and I'd always be here if he needed me. Still I get NOTHING. Not one word. I even asked him yesterday if when he found time if we could please sit down and talk.. civally.. i don't want him back.. I want to talk this out. and then give it some closure.
The man has this uncanny way of just ignoring everything that needs to be said. Over the last couple of months I have said "Something isn't right here we need to talk" and I'd get a big fuckin brick wall.. so why the hell do I think it'is going to be different now? IT"S NOT! Someday i'll learn my lesson.. I'm not sure if today is it.. but maybe it just is.
I don't want to hate him.. Dear Lord please dont' make me hate him... that's not the person I am...
How do you do this to a person? Refuse to talk? Refuse to just get closure.. on both sides?! WTF is wrong with people!!! I'm not asking for the moon here.. I just want some closure.. in my heart there was a death.. a big one so very close to me.. it's time for that memorial service now. I deserve this. God I'm fighting back the hate that keeps welling up.
I wrote him this long email.. forgiving him, saying that even though we failed as lovers we were incredible friends and I'd always be here if he needed me. Still I get NOTHING. Not one word. I even asked him yesterday if when he found time if we could please sit down and talk.. civally.. i don't want him back.. I want to talk this out. and then give it some closure.
The man has this uncanny way of just ignoring everything that needs to be said. Over the last couple of months I have said "Something isn't right here we need to talk" and I'd get a big fuckin brick wall.. so why the hell do I think it'is going to be different now? IT"S NOT! Someday i'll learn my lesson.. I'm not sure if today is it.. but maybe it just is.
I don't want to hate him.. Dear Lord please dont' make me hate him... that's not the person I am...