(no subject)
i'm writing here because i know no one reads this. and i don't have access to paper at the moment but i feel like i just need to get some words out.
the other night we talked about past relationships, i'm always curious about things, and i really shouldn't have asked. i mean, none of them really bothered me, they didn't work out for a reason. but theres this one that she told me about that just really bothered me and 2 days later.... i'm still thinking about it and how weird it makes me feel. i feel like a jealous girlfriend and i don't want to be like that.
back in 2001 when we were together but starting to break up, she left town without telling anyone, she just got in her car and left. she drove all the way to california and then came back a week later. i remember the night she returned. i met up with her in the meijer parking lot. she was wearing that dark blue hoodie and she had hickies on her neck. my heart broke instantly. i tried everything i could to piece us back together, but i knew her heart just wasn't in it anymore. we eventually broke up later in the year a few weeks before my 22nd birthday.
so a few nights ago she was telling me about this girl she dated after me, who lived in california. my gut knew instantly that it was more than likely the same girl from that trip. i asked. she said yes. that girl moved here to michigan to be with her, they dated for about two years.
i think what is so hard for me to hear this, is because this is the person who replaced me. this is the girl who came into my first loves life and moved across the country to be with her. last night, i asked why they broke up. i was looking for something, anything to ease my mind. she told me that they just were never meant to be together. that girl had a drinking problem, no motivation to improve herself or her life, not even a license. she drove nicki's car, she would forget to pick her up from work, pass out in the apartment and lock her out. wtf?
i guess they still talk though. i can't say i like it, but i can't be upset, i still talk to one of my exes on a pretty regular basis.
that girl wants to visit. i asked nicki if she told her that she was dating me, she said yes, but she didn't tell her that we used to date before. this bothers me. i really want that girl to know that i was in nicki's life before she was. i want her to know that i was that girl that nicki left so that she could be with her. why do i want this? why? this is the past and things are different now. things are SO different now.... i just don't understand why i can't let it roll off my shoulder and just be like "eh whatever"
anyway. i needed to get this out.
the other night we talked about past relationships, i'm always curious about things, and i really shouldn't have asked. i mean, none of them really bothered me, they didn't work out for a reason. but theres this one that she told me about that just really bothered me and 2 days later.... i'm still thinking about it and how weird it makes me feel. i feel like a jealous girlfriend and i don't want to be like that.
back in 2001 when we were together but starting to break up, she left town without telling anyone, she just got in her car and left. she drove all the way to california and then came back a week later. i remember the night she returned. i met up with her in the meijer parking lot. she was wearing that dark blue hoodie and she had hickies on her neck. my heart broke instantly. i tried everything i could to piece us back together, but i knew her heart just wasn't in it anymore. we eventually broke up later in the year a few weeks before my 22nd birthday.
so a few nights ago she was telling me about this girl she dated after me, who lived in california. my gut knew instantly that it was more than likely the same girl from that trip. i asked. she said yes. that girl moved here to michigan to be with her, they dated for about two years.
i think what is so hard for me to hear this, is because this is the person who replaced me. this is the girl who came into my first loves life and moved across the country to be with her. last night, i asked why they broke up. i was looking for something, anything to ease my mind. she told me that they just were never meant to be together. that girl had a drinking problem, no motivation to improve herself or her life, not even a license. she drove nicki's car, she would forget to pick her up from work, pass out in the apartment and lock her out. wtf?
i guess they still talk though. i can't say i like it, but i can't be upset, i still talk to one of my exes on a pretty regular basis.
that girl wants to visit. i asked nicki if she told her that she was dating me, she said yes, but she didn't tell her that we used to date before. this bothers me. i really want that girl to know that i was in nicki's life before she was. i want her to know that i was that girl that nicki left so that she could be with her. why do i want this? why? this is the past and things are different now. things are SO different now.... i just don't understand why i can't let it roll off my shoulder and just be like "eh whatever"
anyway. i needed to get this out.