oh no!
So Brittany was saying that she wanted to read my livejournal so I decided I was going to go back and read old entries.
It's always somewhat embarrassing when I go back and read things from a long time ago, but seriously.
I knew that I grew up a lot over the last few years, but I had no idea how much until right now.
I am so embarrassed and ashamed that I would go back and delete all the entries if I didn't need them to document things that have happened in the past.
My memory just isn't what it used to be.
Anyway, my freshman year of college was absolutely out of control.
I was fucking around with my anti-depressants
binge drinking every single night
meeting people off the internet ( no offense Peter, that's not aimed towards you)
treating Kyle like no human should ever be treated
and smoking a lot of weed. (well that hasn't changed but I think I do it a little more responsibly these days)
But what annoys me the most is just the way I expressed myself and the things that I said.
And what the hell is with the inflated ego?
I was constantly taking annoying pictures of myself.
From what I read, I was the most narcissistic individual I have ever encountered.
How did I have any friends? Honestly?
The way I talked about committing suicide all the time for attention.
I seriously want to puke just thinking about the person I used to be.
I wish I could go back in time and just punch myself in the face and snap myself out of it.
On the other hand, I'm pretty proud of myself for coming out of that.
Growing up is a miracle.
AND
at least I came out of it without any serious damage.
I don't have a baby, serious debt, a criminal record, or anything like that.
I just find it amazing how a person can change so much in just a few years.
I'm not even out of college and if I was someone else, I wouldn't even recognize me.
People tell me that I've changed a lot, but they really weren't kidding.
I wonder if personality and maturity ever levels off or if it just keeps on changing as you get older.
I hope that in four years when I read this I'm not embarrassed.
I hope that I'm as mature as I think I am.
It's always somewhat embarrassing when I go back and read things from a long time ago, but seriously.
I knew that I grew up a lot over the last few years, but I had no idea how much until right now.
I am so embarrassed and ashamed that I would go back and delete all the entries if I didn't need them to document things that have happened in the past.
My memory just isn't what it used to be.
Anyway, my freshman year of college was absolutely out of control.
I was fucking around with my anti-depressants
binge drinking every single night
meeting people off the internet ( no offense Peter, that's not aimed towards you)
treating Kyle like no human should ever be treated
and smoking a lot of weed. (well that hasn't changed but I think I do it a little more responsibly these days)
But what annoys me the most is just the way I expressed myself and the things that I said.
And what the hell is with the inflated ego?
I was constantly taking annoying pictures of myself.
From what I read, I was the most narcissistic individual I have ever encountered.
How did I have any friends? Honestly?
The way I talked about committing suicide all the time for attention.
I seriously want to puke just thinking about the person I used to be.
I wish I could go back in time and just punch myself in the face and snap myself out of it.
On the other hand, I'm pretty proud of myself for coming out of that.
Growing up is a miracle.
AND
at least I came out of it without any serious damage.
I don't have a baby, serious debt, a criminal record, or anything like that.
I just find it amazing how a person can change so much in just a few years.
I'm not even out of college and if I was someone else, I wouldn't even recognize me.
People tell me that I've changed a lot, but they really weren't kidding.
I wonder if personality and maturity ever levels off or if it just keeps on changing as you get older.
I hope that in four years when I read this I'm not embarrassed.
I hope that I'm as mature as I think I am.