Not Brave Enough (1/1)
Title: Not Brave Enough
Author: illgirl
Rating: PG
Characters: broken!Junseung, Doojoon, GiKwang, Se7en
A/N: A sort of depressing one shot. Had to get it out of my system.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of them. If I did, Hyunseung would forever be happy together with Junhyung.
Junhyung watched as Hyunseung quickly got into the back of the van, planting himself next to the maknae. Before Junhyung could get in the van, though, Hyunseung quickly called out to Yoseob to come and sit in the back with him and Dongwoon. Yoseob obliged, sending Junhyung an apologetic look before getting into the back seat. Doojoon patted Junhyung's shoulder, before getting into the van. As Junhyung got into the van, he caught a quick glance to the three in the back seat, finding Hyunseung laying his head on Dongwoon's shoulder, eyes in a blank stare. Junhyung sighed; he had no one to blame but himself.
Hyunseung was glad that neither the visual maknae nor the maknae said a word throughout the car ride. Hyunseung felt Dongwoon shift a bit lower in his seat, letting his hyung's head rest comfortably on his shoulder. Hyunseung was grateful that even though Dongwoon was the youngest, the maknae always knew how to make him feel better. Hyunseung stared at nothing in particular, although he did glance occasionally at the back of Junhyung's head, wondering what was going through the rapper's mind at that very moment. Hyunseung could probably already guess what was going through the rapper's mind though; thoughts of when they had a day off so he could take his girlfriend, Hara out to dinner, because all she wanted was to "have a meal with him". Hyunseung frowned, remembering the article he read. He felt his eyes begin to water, but Hyunseung was reluctant to cry, not now, not in front of his members, or in front of Junhyung for that matter.
Hyunseung closed his eyes, thinking back to how his days were happy and cheerful and peaceful until yesterday. He had not been feeling well since after the Asia Song Festival, so he hadn't been doing much, except go to the fashion show with Dongwoon, since he did promise to go with the maknae. Hyunseung woke up two mornings to a terrible headache, feeling as his head was going to explode. All the members were out, either at the company or at an event. Hyunseung was left on his own, with a cute note from Yoseob to remember to eat actual food and not to finish all the junk food they had at the dorm.
Hyunseung was surfing the internet, reading the day's articles. As he came across the article about Goo Hara talking about her relationship with Junhyung, Hyunseung felt his heart drop and his head pound even more. He slowly read the article, not missing a single word. He felt like he could not breathe. He thought that after 5 months since their relationship became public he would already be use to it, but it still hurt. It hurt to know that Junhyung wasn't his, never was his.
Hyunseung needed someone, someone to keep him company and prevent him from breaking down. He reached for his phone, hitting dial, not caring about who he was actually calling.
"Yeoboseyo? Hyunseung-ah?"
"..hyung..", Hyunseung managed to croak out, feeling his voice shake.
"..Seungie, you don't sound so good, what's wrong?"
"..I...Junhyung..Hara...where are you?" Hyunseung felt his eyes water, tears threatening to fall any moment.
"Seungie...I'm so sorry...listen where are you now? Do you need me to come over?"
Hyunseung nodded, but realized Dongwook couldn't see his response.
"..I'm at the dorms...", Hyunseung said, thankful that Dongwook understood what he needed at the moment.
"Stay there, I'll be there soon, arraso?" Hyunseung ended the phone call, moving back to the couch.
It didn't take long for Dongwook to get there, and when he did, his felt a pull on his heart. Hyunseung had left the front door unlocked, so Dongwook let himself in quietly. He called out to Hyunseung was he walked into BEAST's dorm, finding Hyunseung sitting by himself on the couch. There Hyunseung was, gripping on a pillow, knuckle white from the force he was using to grip the inanimate object, tears silently streaming down his pale face. Dongwook rushed over quickly, sitting next to Hyunseung, pulling the younger boy to him.
Hyunseung felt his restraint break as Dongwook pulled his body into his. Hyunseung cried, he cried for the lover he never had, and probably never will have. Hyunseung cried, angry that Junhyung could be so stupid to not know how the dancer felt for him. Dongwook whispered soft words of nothing, trying to soothe Hyunseung's crying. Hyunseung was exhausted, he didn't want to cry anymore. He snuggled closer into his hyung's embrace, feeling safe and loved. Dongwook let Hyunseung fall asleep, knowing that sleep was all the boy could do now.
Hours later, Dongwook woke up , having fell asleep while acting as Hyunseung's pillow, noticing that someone else was home. He heard two voices in the front doorway. He looked up, noticing that BEAST's leader and other dancer were home, dressed in soccer uniforms.
Doojoon and GiKwang were both exhausted, but were too happy to complain. Arriving home, Doojoon noticed a pair of unfamiliar shoes in the doorway, but didn't say anything. As he walked into the dorm's living room, he noticed two figures on the couch, but what shocked him more was that other than Hyunseung, Se7en was here in their dorm. GiKwang stopped also, both members a bit confused.
Dongwook gently moved Hyunseung off his own body, and placed the younger on the couch, but not without noticing how light Hyunseung was. Dongwook shook his head, making note to lecture Hyunseung about eating more. Dongwook nodded to both Doojoon and GiKwang, gesturing them into the kitchen to talk, so as to not disturb Hyunseung's sleep.
"Uh, sunbae, it's great to see you, but why are you here? Is there something wrong with Hyunseung?"
"Doojoon-sshi, there's no need to be so formal, Dongwook hyung is fine. And yes, Hyunseung called me earlier today, on the verge of crying, mumbling about Junhyung and Hara."
Doojoon was a bit confused. Did something new happen? Doojoon was completely lost until GiKwang showed him what he had found on the internet, the article about Hara opening up her relationship with Junhyung on a recent radio show. Doojoon shook his head, he didn't know what to do about this whole Junhyung and Hara incident.
"Ah, I see. How is Hyunseung doing now? And thank you for coming over, it means a lot to know that at least Hyunseung wasn't alone all day."
"I'm not sure. He spent most of the time just crying, and when he wasn't crying, he was just staring at nothing. I haven't gotten much out of him. But he hasn't eaten all day, I think we should perhaps, order some food, and make him eat."
Doojoon, nodded, understanding that food would make Hyunseung feel a little better. Doojoon walked to the table, looking through the menus they kept. GiKwang was sitting on the floor next to Hyunseung's sleeping form, stroking his hyung's hair. GiKwang didn't like how Hyunseung looked, his normally 4D hyung looked so frail...so tired. GiKwang felt Hyunseung's eyes on him. He offered the older boy a soft smile. Hyunseung didn't return his smile, but patted the space next to his head on the couch. GiKwang nodded, taking a seat on the sofa. Hyunseung scooted his body up, head on GiKwang's lap and soon fell back asleep.
Doojoon was still looking through menus, not even sure what he should order. He decided to ask Dongwook, thinking the older male would have a better idea as to what to have.
"I'm not sure, we should order something Seungie would like to eat, just to make him feel better...", Dongwook said, contemplating what to order.
Both males suddenly looked up and smiled, "Chicken". They chuckled, both understanding Hyunseung's love and obsession for chicken.
Dinner came and went. Hyunseung needed little persuasion to wake up and eat, he knew his hyungs had ordered chicken, he smelt it when the take out orders came. Dinner was a light affair, some stories about when he was at YG and stories of him with BEAST, and of course jokes. Dongwook left a little after dinner, promising to call Hyunseung soon.
Doojoon made Hyunseung take a warm bath and even made the dancer hot chocolate as he, GiKwang and Hyunseung settled in the living room.
"Seungie, you know we're all here for you right?"
"I know Doojoonie. And I'm thankful for it, but I'm not ready to talk just yet. Maybe some other time?"
Hyunseung spoke, his doe-eyes watery, conveying mixed emotions. Doojoon never liked to see Hyunseung unhappy. The boy was too sweet and lovable to feel such terrible feelings. GiKwang didn't say much just moved closer to Hyunseung, not needing words to express how much he cared for the older male. Hyunseung felt his eyes start to close, still exhausted from his roller coaster of emotions. Doojoon stood up, offering his hand to Hyunseung. Hyunseung took the leader's hand, allowing himself to be pulled up and into the bedroom. GiKwang took teh three empty mugs into the kitchen, sent a text to both Yoseob and Dongwoon about the situation and followed his two hyungs into the bedroom. Doojoon settled Hyunseung into his bed on the lower bunk.
"Night Seungie. Get some sleep okay?"
"Night Hyung. I love you."
Doojoon and GiKwang bid Hyunseung good night and were going to head for their respective beds when Hyunseung stopped them.
"Wait...stay with me please?" Hyunseung looked at his two members. Doojoon and GiKwang both nodded, ignoring the fact that Hyunseung looked incredibly vulnerable and young in his current state. Doojoon settled on one side while GiKwang took the other side of Hyunseung. Doojoon, coincidently, was sleeping on the side of Junhyung's bed, but the leader knew that Hyunseung didn't need to see Junhyung tonight or when he woke up in the morning. Hyunseung felt much safer, snuggled between his two members.
Junhyung came home late that night. All the other members were already home. He had spent the entire day at the studios, creating new compositions that he hoped the company would use for the next album. Junhyung had delayed himself from come back to the dorms on purpose though. Sure he was the studio all day, but by 10PM he was already done with his work. Junhyung would be lying to himself if he said that it had nothing to do with the article about what Hara had said in a radio interview and what Junhyung could only imagine was Hyunseung's reaction.
Junhyung walked into the dark bedroom, hearing the calm breathing of his sleeping members. As he approached his bed though, he noticed that something was off. In his bed was Doojoon, and near the wall was GiKwang. But what surprised him the most was that Hyunseung was situated between the two. Junhyung felt a slight drop in his stomach. Junhyung was sure he had a pretty good idea as too why the sleeping arrangements were different tonight. Junhyung didn't say anything, only changing into his sleep clothes silently and crawling up the ladder and taking Doojoon's top bunk for the night.
The morning was awkward. From getting ready at the dorms to getting ready at the shop, Hyunseung avoided Junhyung like the plague. And the other members seemed to ignore this fact. Usually, Hyunseung would be singing or dancing, doing silly things, making the group laugh. But unlike those other mornings, Hyunseung was just quiet, keeping to himself and following Doojoon around. The car ride to their performance venue was no better, Hyunseung purposely keeping away from Junhyung. Junhyung became frustrated. He wanted sort things out, to somehow talk to Hyunseung, but every chance he tried, the elder would just ignore him and walk as far away as possible. Junhyung was angry. But he wasn't angry at Hyunseung or the members or even Hara for talking about their relationship on the radio show. Junhyung was mad at himself for being a coward, for not being brave enough to admit to himself that the feelings between him and Hyunseung weren't simply the ones you had for friends. No, Junhyung's feelings for Hyunseung were much, much more than that. Moreover, even if Junhyung knew that, he couldn't say anything. He didn't know what to make of the situation. He like Hara of course, but there was something that was missing when he was out with Hara. It didn't have the same spark as it did when Junhyung and Hyunseung hung out together. Junhyung loves Hyunseung, and he knows that Hyunseung might just love him back, but Junhyung was afraid to admit to it. And until he was brave enough, Junhyung would like to keep that piece of knowledge to himself.
Author: illgirl
Rating: PG
Characters: broken!Junseung, Doojoon, GiKwang, Se7en
A/N: A sort of depressing one shot. Had to get it out of my system.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of them. If I did, Hyunseung would forever be happy together with Junhyung.
Junhyung watched as Hyunseung quickly got into the back of the van, planting himself next to the maknae. Before Junhyung could get in the van, though, Hyunseung quickly called out to Yoseob to come and sit in the back with him and Dongwoon. Yoseob obliged, sending Junhyung an apologetic look before getting into the back seat. Doojoon patted Junhyung's shoulder, before getting into the van. As Junhyung got into the van, he caught a quick glance to the three in the back seat, finding Hyunseung laying his head on Dongwoon's shoulder, eyes in a blank stare. Junhyung sighed; he had no one to blame but himself.
Hyunseung was glad that neither the visual maknae nor the maknae said a word throughout the car ride. Hyunseung felt Dongwoon shift a bit lower in his seat, letting his hyung's head rest comfortably on his shoulder. Hyunseung was grateful that even though Dongwoon was the youngest, the maknae always knew how to make him feel better. Hyunseung stared at nothing in particular, although he did glance occasionally at the back of Junhyung's head, wondering what was going through the rapper's mind at that very moment. Hyunseung could probably already guess what was going through the rapper's mind though; thoughts of when they had a day off so he could take his girlfriend, Hara out to dinner, because all she wanted was to "have a meal with him". Hyunseung frowned, remembering the article he read. He felt his eyes begin to water, but Hyunseung was reluctant to cry, not now, not in front of his members, or in front of Junhyung for that matter.
Hyunseung closed his eyes, thinking back to how his days were happy and cheerful and peaceful until yesterday. He had not been feeling well since after the Asia Song Festival, so he hadn't been doing much, except go to the fashion show with Dongwoon, since he did promise to go with the maknae. Hyunseung woke up two mornings to a terrible headache, feeling as his head was going to explode. All the members were out, either at the company or at an event. Hyunseung was left on his own, with a cute note from Yoseob to remember to eat actual food and not to finish all the junk food they had at the dorm.
Hyunseung was surfing the internet, reading the day's articles. As he came across the article about Goo Hara talking about her relationship with Junhyung, Hyunseung felt his heart drop and his head pound even more. He slowly read the article, not missing a single word. He felt like he could not breathe. He thought that after 5 months since their relationship became public he would already be use to it, but it still hurt. It hurt to know that Junhyung wasn't his, never was his.
Hyunseung needed someone, someone to keep him company and prevent him from breaking down. He reached for his phone, hitting dial, not caring about who he was actually calling.
"Yeoboseyo? Hyunseung-ah?"
"..hyung..", Hyunseung managed to croak out, feeling his voice shake.
"..Seungie, you don't sound so good, what's wrong?"
"..I...Junhyung..Hara...where are you?" Hyunseung felt his eyes water, tears threatening to fall any moment.
"Seungie...I'm so sorry...listen where are you now? Do you need me to come over?"
Hyunseung nodded, but realized Dongwook couldn't see his response.
"..I'm at the dorms...", Hyunseung said, thankful that Dongwook understood what he needed at the moment.
"Stay there, I'll be there soon, arraso?" Hyunseung ended the phone call, moving back to the couch.
It didn't take long for Dongwook to get there, and when he did, his felt a pull on his heart. Hyunseung had left the front door unlocked, so Dongwook let himself in quietly. He called out to Hyunseung was he walked into BEAST's dorm, finding Hyunseung sitting by himself on the couch. There Hyunseung was, gripping on a pillow, knuckle white from the force he was using to grip the inanimate object, tears silently streaming down his pale face. Dongwook rushed over quickly, sitting next to Hyunseung, pulling the younger boy to him.
Hyunseung felt his restraint break as Dongwook pulled his body into his. Hyunseung cried, he cried for the lover he never had, and probably never will have. Hyunseung cried, angry that Junhyung could be so stupid to not know how the dancer felt for him. Dongwook whispered soft words of nothing, trying to soothe Hyunseung's crying. Hyunseung was exhausted, he didn't want to cry anymore. He snuggled closer into his hyung's embrace, feeling safe and loved. Dongwook let Hyunseung fall asleep, knowing that sleep was all the boy could do now.
Hours later, Dongwook woke up , having fell asleep while acting as Hyunseung's pillow, noticing that someone else was home. He heard two voices in the front doorway. He looked up, noticing that BEAST's leader and other dancer were home, dressed in soccer uniforms.
Doojoon and GiKwang were both exhausted, but were too happy to complain. Arriving home, Doojoon noticed a pair of unfamiliar shoes in the doorway, but didn't say anything. As he walked into the dorm's living room, he noticed two figures on the couch, but what shocked him more was that other than Hyunseung, Se7en was here in their dorm. GiKwang stopped also, both members a bit confused.
Dongwook gently moved Hyunseung off his own body, and placed the younger on the couch, but not without noticing how light Hyunseung was. Dongwook shook his head, making note to lecture Hyunseung about eating more. Dongwook nodded to both Doojoon and GiKwang, gesturing them into the kitchen to talk, so as to not disturb Hyunseung's sleep.
"Uh, sunbae, it's great to see you, but why are you here? Is there something wrong with Hyunseung?"
"Doojoon-sshi, there's no need to be so formal, Dongwook hyung is fine. And yes, Hyunseung called me earlier today, on the verge of crying, mumbling about Junhyung and Hara."
Doojoon was a bit confused. Did something new happen? Doojoon was completely lost until GiKwang showed him what he had found on the internet, the article about Hara opening up her relationship with Junhyung on a recent radio show. Doojoon shook his head, he didn't know what to do about this whole Junhyung and Hara incident.
"Ah, I see. How is Hyunseung doing now? And thank you for coming over, it means a lot to know that at least Hyunseung wasn't alone all day."
"I'm not sure. He spent most of the time just crying, and when he wasn't crying, he was just staring at nothing. I haven't gotten much out of him. But he hasn't eaten all day, I think we should perhaps, order some food, and make him eat."
Doojoon, nodded, understanding that food would make Hyunseung feel a little better. Doojoon walked to the table, looking through the menus they kept. GiKwang was sitting on the floor next to Hyunseung's sleeping form, stroking his hyung's hair. GiKwang didn't like how Hyunseung looked, his normally 4D hyung looked so frail...so tired. GiKwang felt Hyunseung's eyes on him. He offered the older boy a soft smile. Hyunseung didn't return his smile, but patted the space next to his head on the couch. GiKwang nodded, taking a seat on the sofa. Hyunseung scooted his body up, head on GiKwang's lap and soon fell back asleep.
Doojoon was still looking through menus, not even sure what he should order. He decided to ask Dongwook, thinking the older male would have a better idea as to what to have.
"I'm not sure, we should order something Seungie would like to eat, just to make him feel better...", Dongwook said, contemplating what to order.
Both males suddenly looked up and smiled, "Chicken". They chuckled, both understanding Hyunseung's love and obsession for chicken.
Dinner came and went. Hyunseung needed little persuasion to wake up and eat, he knew his hyungs had ordered chicken, he smelt it when the take out orders came. Dinner was a light affair, some stories about when he was at YG and stories of him with BEAST, and of course jokes. Dongwook left a little after dinner, promising to call Hyunseung soon.
Doojoon made Hyunseung take a warm bath and even made the dancer hot chocolate as he, GiKwang and Hyunseung settled in the living room.
"Seungie, you know we're all here for you right?"
"I know Doojoonie. And I'm thankful for it, but I'm not ready to talk just yet. Maybe some other time?"
Hyunseung spoke, his doe-eyes watery, conveying mixed emotions. Doojoon never liked to see Hyunseung unhappy. The boy was too sweet and lovable to feel such terrible feelings. GiKwang didn't say much just moved closer to Hyunseung, not needing words to express how much he cared for the older male. Hyunseung felt his eyes start to close, still exhausted from his roller coaster of emotions. Doojoon stood up, offering his hand to Hyunseung. Hyunseung took the leader's hand, allowing himself to be pulled up and into the bedroom. GiKwang took teh three empty mugs into the kitchen, sent a text to both Yoseob and Dongwoon about the situation and followed his two hyungs into the bedroom. Doojoon settled Hyunseung into his bed on the lower bunk.
"Night Seungie. Get some sleep okay?"
"Night Hyung. I love you."
Doojoon and GiKwang bid Hyunseung good night and were going to head for their respective beds when Hyunseung stopped them.
"Wait...stay with me please?" Hyunseung looked at his two members. Doojoon and GiKwang both nodded, ignoring the fact that Hyunseung looked incredibly vulnerable and young in his current state. Doojoon settled on one side while GiKwang took the other side of Hyunseung. Doojoon, coincidently, was sleeping on the side of Junhyung's bed, but the leader knew that Hyunseung didn't need to see Junhyung tonight or when he woke up in the morning. Hyunseung felt much safer, snuggled between his two members.
Junhyung came home late that night. All the other members were already home. He had spent the entire day at the studios, creating new compositions that he hoped the company would use for the next album. Junhyung had delayed himself from come back to the dorms on purpose though. Sure he was the studio all day, but by 10PM he was already done with his work. Junhyung would be lying to himself if he said that it had nothing to do with the article about what Hara had said in a radio interview and what Junhyung could only imagine was Hyunseung's reaction.
Junhyung walked into the dark bedroom, hearing the calm breathing of his sleeping members. As he approached his bed though, he noticed that something was off. In his bed was Doojoon, and near the wall was GiKwang. But what surprised him the most was that Hyunseung was situated between the two. Junhyung felt a slight drop in his stomach. Junhyung was sure he had a pretty good idea as too why the sleeping arrangements were different tonight. Junhyung didn't say anything, only changing into his sleep clothes silently and crawling up the ladder and taking Doojoon's top bunk for the night.
The morning was awkward. From getting ready at the dorms to getting ready at the shop, Hyunseung avoided Junhyung like the plague. And the other members seemed to ignore this fact. Usually, Hyunseung would be singing or dancing, doing silly things, making the group laugh. But unlike those other mornings, Hyunseung was just quiet, keeping to himself and following Doojoon around. The car ride to their performance venue was no better, Hyunseung purposely keeping away from Junhyung. Junhyung became frustrated. He wanted sort things out, to somehow talk to Hyunseung, but every chance he tried, the elder would just ignore him and walk as far away as possible. Junhyung was angry. But he wasn't angry at Hyunseung or the members or even Hara for talking about their relationship on the radio show. Junhyung was mad at himself for being a coward, for not being brave enough to admit to himself that the feelings between him and Hyunseung weren't simply the ones you had for friends. No, Junhyung's feelings for Hyunseung were much, much more than that. Moreover, even if Junhyung knew that, he couldn't say anything. He didn't know what to make of the situation. He like Hara of course, but there was something that was missing when he was out with Hara. It didn't have the same spark as it did when Junhyung and Hyunseung hung out together. Junhyung loves Hyunseung, and he knows that Hyunseung might just love him back, but Junhyung was afraid to admit to it. And until he was brave enough, Junhyung would like to keep that piece of knowledge to himself.