df
i move very fast in my feelings. threw stages that some people wouldent even get to. the depth and complexity is forever changeing and growing inside myself...
one cycle... is when upon first reaction i am at the end. allready i accept... or so it seems...
next its the opposite, i have things to say and no where near enough time to say them.
next its the recap... where i weigh everything iv said, and re-evaluate or look more closely intowhere they came from, more messages and then appologies for my own ignorenece.
i then reevaluate where i derived my information from. i allologize and make amends as a whole. of the entire relationship.
i then lose contact, and slip into self pity. (or so thats what the outisder thinks) to me is the stage of reevaluation of self. what did i do... could i have done anythign else... my fault? whos fault, your fault, his fualt... whatever.
it usually comes with EXTREAM feelings of self punishment.
i am humbled...
i belive in living in the now, if anyone ever asked me if i thought thinking like this actually DID anything... of course it dosent... its an exercise for me. to see where and why things went the way they did... this is wisdom.
iv lost my voice for to to long... and this is beacuse iv felt that wisdom is lost.
i felt that there is no point in thinking like this and i sought a differant relm of, or ways to percive things.
living in the moment is zen.
remembering this has led me to the peace of mind in the ways i do things.
so once everything is accpeted and all things are at peace... why is it that i return to many thoughts of people whome i miss? is this my mind telling me that i should speak to them? its been my conditioning that within areas of missunderstanding no one wants to speak...
sometimes i wonder if its my own balence within myself that leads me to the peace that i MISSINTREPRET as being a sign that everyone is over the fight.
i dunno...questioning everything isent the way of great minds... its not.
it does provide a closer and closer look to something untill your looking into a mirror
recently iv felt the loss of a friend of mine... threw missunderstandings and innability to cope with a brief talk i dont think ill be spending anymore time with her.
which is really lame... i want her to be that friend that we go camping together... shes the kinda friend i want...
stupid fights... i want to bring into myself the wisdom to go beyond fights and just foccus on them...
how and when... who knows.
one cycle... is when upon first reaction i am at the end. allready i accept... or so it seems...
next its the opposite, i have things to say and no where near enough time to say them.
next its the recap... where i weigh everything iv said, and re-evaluate or look more closely intowhere they came from, more messages and then appologies for my own ignorenece.
i then reevaluate where i derived my information from. i allologize and make amends as a whole. of the entire relationship.
i then lose contact, and slip into self pity. (or so thats what the outisder thinks) to me is the stage of reevaluation of self. what did i do... could i have done anythign else... my fault? whos fault, your fault, his fualt... whatever.
it usually comes with EXTREAM feelings of self punishment.
i am humbled...
i belive in living in the now, if anyone ever asked me if i thought thinking like this actually DID anything... of course it dosent... its an exercise for me. to see where and why things went the way they did... this is wisdom.
iv lost my voice for to to long... and this is beacuse iv felt that wisdom is lost.
i felt that there is no point in thinking like this and i sought a differant relm of, or ways to percive things.
living in the moment is zen.
remembering this has led me to the peace of mind in the ways i do things.
so once everything is accpeted and all things are at peace... why is it that i return to many thoughts of people whome i miss? is this my mind telling me that i should speak to them? its been my conditioning that within areas of missunderstanding no one wants to speak...
sometimes i wonder if its my own balence within myself that leads me to the peace that i MISSINTREPRET as being a sign that everyone is over the fight.
i dunno...questioning everything isent the way of great minds... its not.
it does provide a closer and closer look to something untill your looking into a mirror
recently iv felt the loss of a friend of mine... threw missunderstandings and innability to cope with a brief talk i dont think ill be spending anymore time with her.
which is really lame... i want her to be that friend that we go camping together... shes the kinda friend i want...
stupid fights... i want to bring into myself the wisdom to go beyond fights and just foccus on them...
how and when... who knows.