(no subject)
i dont write in this journal anymore... i think its going to be devoted to my poems.
that way ill know where to go when i want to share them.
right now i dont...
i want to talk a bit... today im happy. today is a good day. but i cry... from feelings of memories... and im tired of it... i cry all the fucking time. secretly... and im tired of it... i want to experience happiness again. in a way similure to... when i was younger.
theres something unmatched in real working relationships... in love.
iv not felt emotion from anything. not really... when the going gets rough dissasociation is a good companion.
last night and today. iv made predictions and had premonitions that came true. iv reintegrated into the flow. and this makes me feel complete. i remember feeling like this long long ago. a sort of sentient soul. a warrior of the heart.
but im still at tears... when i think of the world... and things that happen... and how i want to be there for many people... but they choose alternate paths and i wish... that they would take care of themselves... you know... i could help. and i enjoy helping. talking of herbs and remedies. and takeing care of people. i like to watch them grow and ascend.
but....
meh... when i think of what i dream and what i want. i allways get that feeling of whats the fucking point.
and is there one?
i cry... and then i forget it and say theres no point...
and then i cry again. what the fuck. why wont it just go away! ugh.
that way ill know where to go when i want to share them.
right now i dont...
i want to talk a bit... today im happy. today is a good day. but i cry... from feelings of memories... and im tired of it... i cry all the fucking time. secretly... and im tired of it... i want to experience happiness again. in a way similure to... when i was younger.
theres something unmatched in real working relationships... in love.
iv not felt emotion from anything. not really... when the going gets rough dissasociation is a good companion.
last night and today. iv made predictions and had premonitions that came true. iv reintegrated into the flow. and this makes me feel complete. i remember feeling like this long long ago. a sort of sentient soul. a warrior of the heart.
but im still at tears... when i think of the world... and things that happen... and how i want to be there for many people... but they choose alternate paths and i wish... that they would take care of themselves... you know... i could help. and i enjoy helping. talking of herbs and remedies. and takeing care of people. i like to watch them grow and ascend.
but....
meh... when i think of what i dream and what i want. i allways get that feeling of whats the fucking point.
and is there one?
i cry... and then i forget it and say theres no point...
and then i cry again. what the fuck. why wont it just go away! ugh.