(no subject)
current feeling: ridiculous
my eyes are burning. i've been up for three hours and i already want tomorrow to come. why is it so hard for me to just be nice? why is it so hard for me to not be selfish? how come i see everything that my friends have and hear what my parents have to say but i'm still so jealous? why does my mom scream at me instead of talking with me? why did i end up with the family that i got? why are my parents stuck in the 50's? why am i so insecure? why do i have no self-control? why can't i decide if i believe there is a god or not? after like five months of not crying, why are my eyes practically rolling out of my head right now? why do i not want to go to church? why am i not trying very hard when it's all killing me? why don't i appreciate anything? why do i want to get into a car accident by mistake and just not be here anymore? why do i never think? why do i hate myself? why do i hate everybody else? why do i always see the bad in everybody? why do i make such a big deal out of the smallest things? why do i want to move out so badly? why do i want everything other than what i've got?
but most of all, why am i crying my eyes out dying for somebody to talk to and nobody's there.
my eyes are burning. i've been up for three hours and i already want tomorrow to come. why is it so hard for me to just be nice? why is it so hard for me to not be selfish? how come i see everything that my friends have and hear what my parents have to say but i'm still so jealous? why does my mom scream at me instead of talking with me? why did i end up with the family that i got? why are my parents stuck in the 50's? why am i so insecure? why do i have no self-control? why can't i decide if i believe there is a god or not? after like five months of not crying, why are my eyes practically rolling out of my head right now? why do i not want to go to church? why am i not trying very hard when it's all killing me? why don't i appreciate anything? why do i want to get into a car accident by mistake and just not be here anymore? why do i never think? why do i hate myself? why do i hate everybody else? why do i always see the bad in everybody? why do i make such a big deal out of the smallest things? why do i want to move out so badly? why do i want everything other than what i've got?
but most of all, why am i crying my eyes out dying for somebody to talk to and nobody's there.