(no subject)
im not writing this for anyone. expect for me. i just dont know what to do with it all or where to put it. i feel so completely lost and alone and nothing about my life is right. and i cant deal. austin. oh god austin. i dont know what im going to do without you here. i cant function. im gonna get fired from my job. i feel so sick and ill and i cant deal with anything or anyone. i just want it all to go away. to crawl under a rock and wait for austin to wake up and come get me. i need him here so bad.
he probably wont remember the weekend.. he wont remember us kissing or cuddling or lying there in a heap of people and feeling like it was just him and me and nobody else in the world. he wont remember that heart bursting feeling of being happy and complete. he wont remember both of us admitting that after 2 years of being best friends that maybe we were more than that. he wont remember what happened with kelly and our fight. and our making up. and him crying because of the thought of losing me. he wont remember US.
they all know he wont remember the accident. him falling asleep and running off the road. of him trying to save is and the car rolling 4 times. he wont remember the policeman and the emts and the ambulance or him being air evac'd to the hospital. he wont remember that his "code name" was romeo romeo. he wont remember shattering his arm of fracturing his skull or breaking his neck or rupturing his spleen. he wont know hes been in a coma for 5 days. he wont know how many people miss him and want him back. he wont know that it could be 2 weeks or longer before he wakes up. he wont know the months and months of physical therapy and speech therapy that lay ahead.
but even though he doesnt know it now, he will know and will always know without a doubt that i will be there every single minute of every single day. even if he doesnt remember me from the past, he will remember me in the future. he will always be a part of my life and i always a part of his. whether he likes it or not. I WILL NOT LOSE AUSTIN JAMES ALCORN.
he probably wont remember the weekend.. he wont remember us kissing or cuddling or lying there in a heap of people and feeling like it was just him and me and nobody else in the world. he wont remember that heart bursting feeling of being happy and complete. he wont remember both of us admitting that after 2 years of being best friends that maybe we were more than that. he wont remember what happened with kelly and our fight. and our making up. and him crying because of the thought of losing me. he wont remember US.
they all know he wont remember the accident. him falling asleep and running off the road. of him trying to save is and the car rolling 4 times. he wont remember the policeman and the emts and the ambulance or him being air evac'd to the hospital. he wont remember that his "code name" was romeo romeo. he wont remember shattering his arm of fracturing his skull or breaking his neck or rupturing his spleen. he wont know hes been in a coma for 5 days. he wont know how many people miss him and want him back. he wont know that it could be 2 weeks or longer before he wakes up. he wont know the months and months of physical therapy and speech therapy that lay ahead.
but even though he doesnt know it now, he will know and will always know without a doubt that i will be there every single minute of every single day. even if he doesnt remember me from the past, he will remember me in the future. he will always be a part of my life and i always a part of his. whether he likes it or not. I WILL NOT LOSE AUSTIN JAMES ALCORN.