I thought by now....
In a song the guy sings
the day that I'll dissapear I think I'll finally get it right
I swear I should have written that song because that's exactly how it is with me.
This fantasy life that I dream of having someday... I don't think will ever come
What makes me think it'll ever make sense, or be easy, or finally just work out?
What makes me think a man will look at me and want to spend the rest of his life with me? If I were him I'd be out of my mind to have to put up with me.
I guess... ever since I was about 11 I had dreamed of finally meeting someone and having a strong love, one of those, "I'd do anything for her" type of loves. And so far, I've got nothing. Not even close. I really thought that by now SOMETHING would have gotten easier. i mean in a way, yeah. but something negative always fills the hole. You would think since I graduated maybe everyone would be proud, they say they are. but I guess I was hoping for a more excited, "you did it!!!" Like a celebration - like a relief. Why do I feel like I don't belong in this family? At the dinner table I didn't have anything to say. No one did a toast, no one hugged me. I hate that I never had a good relationship with my dad who probably only has about 10 years to live, maybe less. I know I'll never be able to forgive myself for not trying harder to talk to him or laugh at his jokes. For that I'll always be my worst enemy. The tears are just flowing.... I can't even see the letters on the keyboard. When the devil has a grip on me... he holds on way too tight.
the day that I'll dissapear I think I'll finally get it right
I swear I should have written that song because that's exactly how it is with me.
This fantasy life that I dream of having someday... I don't think will ever come
What makes me think it'll ever make sense, or be easy, or finally just work out?
What makes me think a man will look at me and want to spend the rest of his life with me? If I were him I'd be out of my mind to have to put up with me.
I guess... ever since I was about 11 I had dreamed of finally meeting someone and having a strong love, one of those, "I'd do anything for her" type of loves. And so far, I've got nothing. Not even close. I really thought that by now SOMETHING would have gotten easier. i mean in a way, yeah. but something negative always fills the hole. You would think since I graduated maybe everyone would be proud, they say they are. but I guess I was hoping for a more excited, "you did it!!!" Like a celebration - like a relief. Why do I feel like I don't belong in this family? At the dinner table I didn't have anything to say. No one did a toast, no one hugged me. I hate that I never had a good relationship with my dad who probably only has about 10 years to live, maybe less. I know I'll never be able to forgive myself for not trying harder to talk to him or laugh at his jokes. For that I'll always be my worst enemy. The tears are just flowing.... I can't even see the letters on the keyboard. When the devil has a grip on me... he holds on way too tight.