(no subject)
ooooooohhhhhhhhh my god
i was jsut typing away here on an entry and all of a sudden the internet browser just want away. ah that makes me angry becuz i was actualllly writing things omg.
ill have to start over gah
okay so well i was initially saying i was bored but there wasnt really a need to be becuz i have ppl to talk to and i have my good ol' music on but i just feel like
unfullfilled or restless or something.
and i hav no idea what i am going to write about so i apologize in advance if this jumps around from subject to subject becuz i am horrible at organizing my thoughts and i mite just start rambling and typing on and on so i apologize in advance.
now proceeding on.
ahh break is almost over and its back to schooool *sigh*
i have accomplished nothing over this break, i never really had anything specific set in mind to do but i feel like i could have done more. most days i woke up super super late and just sat around. what a waste of timeee and very unfullfilling. i spose we all feel like that, like we could have done more and like we are never fully satisfied. i know i feel like that sometimes....like with people getting me presents. somtimes i get something that i didnt particularly ask for and i feel not satisfied enough, which is horrible and selfish because these family and friends have taken time out of their day to spend it buying gifts for me. ahh i really hate when i feel like that, especially since they dont try to get something that i didnt really want. ahh im a bad selfish lil girl. eh
and so theres this boy we all know and hes quite stupid and he annoys the hell out of me cuz he thinks im dumb or somethin and that i dont realize what hes doing, even tho i do. and this boy is very undeserving of me becuz he is being so stupid and decided to jsut not talk to me anymore for no good reason. and even tho this boy is stupid and has no idk how to handle anything i find myself to not be able to get over him whatsoever and people ask me, "steph why do you put up with this?" and honeslty i do not have any idea. probly like most of it is like i know how he is really, or how he used to act and i hold onto the memories and things hes done and said that got to me in the first place and so i cannot find myself to let go. and oooh his new pictures on his myspace im practically in love with. and i saw them yesterday and i wanted to cry and i dont know why at all, things he does makes me want to cry sometimes. like he has "swing life away" as a song a couple weeks ago and for some reason that made me want to cry. and then he changed it to "you and me" by lifehouse and iwas like oogling over that. AND now he has "fix you" by coldplay which is one of my most fav. songs ever. and like he keeps choosing these songs that i love and like whenever ive listened to them ive thought of him and related it to him and such. crazee crazeee
oh hand ive had this question in my head for a lil while and ive asked some people, do you think its possible to just stop caring about someone for pretty much no reason? just to stop. like come to a hault. seriously, because this boy, i know used to care about me a hell of a whole lot, and how, tell me, how can you just lose that? Especially when there was nothing that i did at all except practically fall in love with this poor boy and be there and care about him too, and tell me please why that is such a bad thing..its hard to love someone while hating them at the same time. well i dont hate him but i hate what hes doing because theres no point. like why would you jsut stop talking to someone. I DIDNT EVEN DO ANYTHING. gah. thats why its so ridiculous because theres no reason just to stop talking to someone. seriously wtf is that. oh my god. i honestly does not make sense to me. and these are one the things that is just so stupid that it makes me laugh instead of cry (diana) gahhhh. pure ridiculousness and ludicrousness. is that even a word. ludicrousness? haha ithink its just pure ludicrous. or ludicracy. whatever. nonetheless thats what it is. psh.
and like part of me is like whatever this is so stupid to deal with, but then still like i was saying before i cannot at all find it in me to let go because i know who he is really. but im not gonna just like repeat everything i just wrote so yesh.
and ive been hoping everything would get better but its just not, and thats ridiculous because nothing should be wrong. but he made it that way, i know i cannot blame myself because i didnt do anything. omg. whatever.
ah tho its like i can just say "whatever" to it as much as i want, like i dont care, but its not whatever, because i do care so idk know why i even say it because it most definitely is not whatever. bleh
oh i just miss this boy way more than i think i could ever explain.
and i think im done now.
that was long, gah and all about this boy and it shouldnt be, but it is nonetheless
i apologize.
and i hope you like my new layout, if you go and check it out :-D
♥
i love you all dearies
i was jsut typing away here on an entry and all of a sudden the internet browser just want away. ah that makes me angry becuz i was actualllly writing things omg.
ill have to start over gah
okay so well i was initially saying i was bored but there wasnt really a need to be becuz i have ppl to talk to and i have my good ol' music on but i just feel like
unfullfilled or restless or something.
and i hav no idea what i am going to write about so i apologize in advance if this jumps around from subject to subject becuz i am horrible at organizing my thoughts and i mite just start rambling and typing on and on so i apologize in advance.
now proceeding on.
ahh break is almost over and its back to schooool *sigh*
i have accomplished nothing over this break, i never really had anything specific set in mind to do but i feel like i could have done more. most days i woke up super super late and just sat around. what a waste of timeee and very unfullfilling. i spose we all feel like that, like we could have done more and like we are never fully satisfied. i know i feel like that sometimes....like with people getting me presents. somtimes i get something that i didnt particularly ask for and i feel not satisfied enough, which is horrible and selfish because these family and friends have taken time out of their day to spend it buying gifts for me. ahh i really hate when i feel like that, especially since they dont try to get something that i didnt really want. ahh im a bad selfish lil girl. eh
and so theres this boy we all know and hes quite stupid and he annoys the hell out of me cuz he thinks im dumb or somethin and that i dont realize what hes doing, even tho i do. and this boy is very undeserving of me becuz he is being so stupid and decided to jsut not talk to me anymore for no good reason. and even tho this boy is stupid and has no idk how to handle anything i find myself to not be able to get over him whatsoever and people ask me, "steph why do you put up with this?" and honeslty i do not have any idea. probly like most of it is like i know how he is really, or how he used to act and i hold onto the memories and things hes done and said that got to me in the first place and so i cannot find myself to let go. and oooh his new pictures on his myspace im practically in love with. and i saw them yesterday and i wanted to cry and i dont know why at all, things he does makes me want to cry sometimes. like he has "swing life away" as a song a couple weeks ago and for some reason that made me want to cry. and then he changed it to "you and me" by lifehouse and iwas like oogling over that. AND now he has "fix you" by coldplay which is one of my most fav. songs ever. and like he keeps choosing these songs that i love and like whenever ive listened to them ive thought of him and related it to him and such. crazee crazeee
oh hand ive had this question in my head for a lil while and ive asked some people, do you think its possible to just stop caring about someone for pretty much no reason? just to stop. like come to a hault. seriously, because this boy, i know used to care about me a hell of a whole lot, and how, tell me, how can you just lose that? Especially when there was nothing that i did at all except practically fall in love with this poor boy and be there and care about him too, and tell me please why that is such a bad thing..its hard to love someone while hating them at the same time. well i dont hate him but i hate what hes doing because theres no point. like why would you jsut stop talking to someone. I DIDNT EVEN DO ANYTHING. gah. thats why its so ridiculous because theres no reason just to stop talking to someone. seriously wtf is that. oh my god. i honestly does not make sense to me. and these are one the things that is just so stupid that it makes me laugh instead of cry (diana) gahhhh. pure ridiculousness and ludicrousness. is that even a word. ludicrousness? haha ithink its just pure ludicrous. or ludicracy. whatever. nonetheless thats what it is. psh.
and like part of me is like whatever this is so stupid to deal with, but then still like i was saying before i cannot at all find it in me to let go because i know who he is really. but im not gonna just like repeat everything i just wrote so yesh.
and ive been hoping everything would get better but its just not, and thats ridiculous because nothing should be wrong. but he made it that way, i know i cannot blame myself because i didnt do anything. omg. whatever.
ah tho its like i can just say "whatever" to it as much as i want, like i dont care, but its not whatever, because i do care so idk know why i even say it because it most definitely is not whatever. bleh
oh i just miss this boy way more than i think i could ever explain.
and i think im done now.
that was long, gah and all about this boy and it shouldnt be, but it is nonetheless
i apologize.
and i hope you like my new layout, if you go and check it out :-D
♥
i love you all dearies