thoughts from the week
It's not forgiveness I seek, it's reconnection.
I've finally found laughter in my life again. Laughter everyday, real, good laughs. I've myself, comfort in who I am, and confidence in my decisions.
It's been over a year now since I moved away from St. Cloud and started to put my life back together. It seems lifetimes away, and yesterday at the same time. I went out drinking on Wednesday night with some friends here on base and got good and drunk. Thursday morning as I was getting out of the shower and toweling off in my hungover state I was overcome by an extreme sense of dejavu. For a moment it was as if I was back in St. Cloud, waking up from a long night of drinking. Realizing I wasn't in MN, but out in California, I was suddenly very homesick for my friends in the great lands of Minnesota. I closed my eyes and wished for a teleporter, but opened my eyes to the bright lights of my barricks.
It's hard for me to grasp how far I've come in the last year. And it's hard for me to explain it to people. I think the hardest thing for me to explain is where I was a year ago. A lot of my friends from IL don't know the person I became after I moved away to school. I didn't even know myself. As a result of losing myself I lost touch with a lot of people who meant the world to me. I know everyone loses touch with most of their high school friends, but I feel like I just shut some people out of my life who still mean the world to me. I couldn't deal with the shame of them knowing who I'd become.
It took me a long time to get back to where I am today. I was talking with my friend Casandra on Thursday night about some of the things that got me through basic training and one of the thigns I talked about was how my experiences in St. Cloud developed my convictions and motivations that helped get me through basic. My life in St. Cloud helped to define in my mind the person I wanted to be, and pushed me into becoming that person. The friends I made it St. Cloud, those few who I truely can call my friends, friends to the end, are without a doubt some of the truest friends I have ever made.
These days I'm struggling to find the strength to reconnect with some friends from my past. Some friendships I feel are lost forever, while others I hope that someday will be rekindled. Life is so crazy. I'm so grateful for so many things. If there's one thing the last year has given me more than anything, it's perspective.
Happy Veterans Day
I've finally found laughter in my life again. Laughter everyday, real, good laughs. I've myself, comfort in who I am, and confidence in my decisions.
It's been over a year now since I moved away from St. Cloud and started to put my life back together. It seems lifetimes away, and yesterday at the same time. I went out drinking on Wednesday night with some friends here on base and got good and drunk. Thursday morning as I was getting out of the shower and toweling off in my hungover state I was overcome by an extreme sense of dejavu. For a moment it was as if I was back in St. Cloud, waking up from a long night of drinking. Realizing I wasn't in MN, but out in California, I was suddenly very homesick for my friends in the great lands of Minnesota. I closed my eyes and wished for a teleporter, but opened my eyes to the bright lights of my barricks.
It's hard for me to grasp how far I've come in the last year. And it's hard for me to explain it to people. I think the hardest thing for me to explain is where I was a year ago. A lot of my friends from IL don't know the person I became after I moved away to school. I didn't even know myself. As a result of losing myself I lost touch with a lot of people who meant the world to me. I know everyone loses touch with most of their high school friends, but I feel like I just shut some people out of my life who still mean the world to me. I couldn't deal with the shame of them knowing who I'd become.
It took me a long time to get back to where I am today. I was talking with my friend Casandra on Thursday night about some of the things that got me through basic training and one of the thigns I talked about was how my experiences in St. Cloud developed my convictions and motivations that helped get me through basic. My life in St. Cloud helped to define in my mind the person I wanted to be, and pushed me into becoming that person. The friends I made it St. Cloud, those few who I truely can call my friends, friends to the end, are without a doubt some of the truest friends I have ever made.
These days I'm struggling to find the strength to reconnect with some friends from my past. Some friendships I feel are lost forever, while others I hope that someday will be rekindled. Life is so crazy. I'm so grateful for so many things. If there's one thing the last year has given me more than anything, it's perspective.
Happy Veterans Day