Onew/Taemin - It Just Wasn't Meant To Be You... and Me.
It Just Wasn’t Meant To Be You... and Me; 4.300 words, one-shot.
Lee Jinki (Onew) - Lee Taemin.
hinted!pairing: Choi Minho - Jung Soojung (Krystal).
hinted!broken pairing: Choi Minho - Lee Taemin, Lee Jinki (Onew) - Kim Jonghyun.
Rating: PG-13 - Genre: Romance, Drama, slight!Angst.
Collaboration with hikaritsubasa for shinee_duets.
It Just Wasn’t Meant To Be You... and Me.
하나...
둘... (sniff)
셋...
An arm was lifted among the tall grass in the middle of the field as the owner counted the blinking stars that were decorating the dark, cold night sky. The moon stood proudly in the dark sky; cold wind blew by as grass rustled in the dark, the sound of crickets crying and frogs burping by the pond a few meters away could be heard clearly. Everything was so peace and beautiful yet it was interrupted.
Accompanied by those sounds, another sound was heard...
The boy that was lying on the grass was crying, crying his heart out to mother nature, hoping that she could smooth his painful heart out; hoping that the cracks in his heart could be healed and made whole again so that he could live on.
Why do you have to do this...
What have I done wrong...
I love you so much...
And now you are doing this to me...
I thought you loved me...
We have been together for so long...
LEAVE...
I don’t want to see you anymore...
Get out from my sight, I don’t want to see you anymore...
*****
The sun was peeking through the horizons, coloring the sky with a line of yellow and orange while chasing the night and the moon away so that the mighty Sun could dominate the day. People were starting to get woken up by the sun light that was shining through the clouds when an alarm clock rang in one of the household bedroom.
Ringgggggggggggggggggggggg!!
A grumble could be heard from under a pile of blankets, as an arm reached out from underneath the blanket and slammed on the ringing alarm, its owner trying to continue sleeping. Around half an hour later, a voice was heard shouting from downstairs.
“Taemin-ah, wake up! You are going to be late!” Mrs. Lee shouted from the kitchen, accompanied by the smell of lovely breakfast. Taemin sat up from his bed as he pouted his lips while looking at the alarm clock that was sited beside his bed, Taemin’s eyes widened after he stared at the numbers that was showing on his alarm. “Shit!”
The clock read 7.50 am, he had twenty minutes before his class starts. Taemin rushed to the bathroom and got a quick shower. He got dressed as fast as he could after stepping out from the bathroom with water still dripping down his face. After grabbing his messenger bag that was hanging beside his chair, he ran downstairs towards the kitchen, grabbing himself a piece of toast, and after pecking his mother’s cheek, he ran out of his house like the wind. His mother sighed with a smile on her face as she didn’t have the time to wish her son to have a good day before her son ran out of the house. Taemin ran as fast as his legs could take him. It was fortunate that his university was near his home, so running to school wasn’t as hard as it seemed, but accidents do happen.
*****
It happened really fast; someone accidentally crashed into Taemin’s body until both of them fell to the ground. The only good thing was he didn’t land head first into the ground-wonder what it would be like if it happened to him. Although of course he felt pain in his ass, Taemin rose up from his position without even looking at the guy who also fell with him. He was still in a hurry- it was several minutes more until class started. So the only thing he did after that was to grab his own bag and walk at a fast pace to his university.
“Taemin-ah.”
He had taken two steps, and then suddenly someone called him, so he stopped again-without even realizing that time kept moving and never stopped. In seconds, Taemin turned his head back to the person who called him-and then hoped that in that moment he could disappear from his eyes. Taemin could see his tall body, short and sort of curly brown hair, wide eyes, the charismatic face... Taemin couldn’t help himself but be a little shocked and in seconds later he pretended to be surprised-in positive way. “Ooh. Hyung!”
“Are you okay? Sorry, I bumped into you.” That guy, Choi Minho, walked closer to Taemin. He even tried to grab his hand, but the younger stepped back slowly, like he didn’t want his hand held by him.
“O-oh, it’s okay, I-I need to go. See you soon, hyung!” Taemin’s voice quivered as he slowly walked away from Minho. For Minho, it was something that was confusing. But for Taemin, it was something he wanted to avoid. Like, let’s say, Taemin didn’t want to meet him ever again. As he walked through the campus to find his class, Taemin kept telling himself to behave as usual-even though he really wanted to cry any moment.
(Minho learned from the way Taemin walked past him, the way his eyes stared at him, and the way his body shook a bit-and he realized that he isn’t the one he wants-forever. Minho may be happy with his life now, but not as happy as when he had Taemin by his side.)
Why did he need to meet that person? Why he must bumped by someone who made his important thing in his heart broken into little pieces whenever he saw his face even in photos?
But fortunately he entered his class before he could get lost, drowned in his emotions. Taemin spotted a seat that was still empty and luckily-again-it was beside his close hyung, Jinki. The narrow-eyed guy smiled at Taemin sheepishly, as Taemin took the seat, and then Jinki studied his face for a while. Jinki could tell that there was something odd about Taemin that day. And unfortunately, their professor stepped into the class just when he had wanted to ask Taemin about it. So he decided to kept the question to Taemin for later.
Will you ever realize the feelings that I have for you…
Do you know that I am here right beside you so that you can lean on me…
When you feel like crying…
I’m here…
Just for you…
*****
Jonghyun smiled when he spotted Jinki down the hall but his smile soon turned into a sad frown when he once again spotted Taemin beside Jinki walking side by side towards his direction.
“Taemin-ah! Lets get lunch together, what do you want to eat?” Jinki asked Taemin while he looked up and spotted Jonghyun not far away.
“Jonghyun!” Jinki gave Jonghyun a wave and smiled brightly at Jonghyun. Jonghyun blushed when he got out of his trance and saw Jinki smiling brightly at him. It never failed to make Jonghyun blush whenever Jinki smiled so brightly at him and his heart would always skip beats and sometimes his heart beat too fast for him to handle; but he love the feeling so much even though it also gave him pain in the end.
“Hyung… Taeminnie!” Jonghyun walked towards Jinki and Taemin.
“Where are you going?” Jinki looked at all the music books that Jonghyun was holding in his hands.
“I have my music class later in…15 minutes!” Jonghyun answeered after he checked his watch.
“Oh, I was going to invite you to have lunch with us!” Jinki gave Jonghyun a sad smile.
“It’s alright! You guys can go without me…I have to go now, the class is at the other side of the campus.” Jonghyun was sad and happy at the same time when he heard Jinki’s offer. Happy because Jinki wanted to have lunch with him, sad because he couldn’t go.
Jinki and Jonghyun were best friends since they were kids. They did everything together- they even have the same interest: singing. Jonghyun’s parent were kind and caring- they let Jonghyun do what he wanted to do but Jinki wasn’t that lucky because his parents were strict. Or, more accurately, his father was the strict one while his mother was the soft type. Jinki didn’t have the freedom that Jonghyun has, Jinki couldn’t choose or object to what was in store for him ever since he was born under the name Lee.
His destiny was fixed, he couldn’t run from it but Jinki felt lucky that he has a friend like Jonghyun who was by his side whenever he needed him. Whenever he felt lonely, insecure or pressured by his father, teachers, or even his own expectations of not disappointing anyone.
Jonghyun was always there for him to lean on...
Jonghyun always gave him the support that he needed…
He felt very grateful to have met Jonghyun, but the feeling that Taemin gave him was different fron the feeling that Jinki had for Jonghyun...
Then Taemin entered his life. Taemin didn’t come from a rich family but he was smart enough to obtain a scholarship and enter well-known school in Seoul, Seoul National University. Taemin was being bullied by some of the rich snobs when Jinki stopped them, “What do you guys think you were doing? Don’t you feel ashamed of yourselves when you bully someone weaker than you?”
That was the first time Taemin had encountered a protector-a guardian, somewhat.
It was also the first time Jinki felt an obligation to protect him. Though he knew he had something else that really put pressure on him, he didn’t mind that. With a bright smile on his face, one day, Jinki told Taemin that, “I’ll be by your side. Don’t worry.” And Taemin felt secure-just half of him. Because, still, he felt afraid of possibly slowly falling into the same hole-called love. Also, that was a big déjà vu for him. There was a guy who used to protect him-and even loved him. But he dumped Taemin for another person. Worst of all, back then, he pretended not to know him.
And now, there was Jinki beside him.
He was afraid that, if he fell into the same hole, it would end the same as before.
I’d die from the sadness...
If you leave me behind...
So, I’m sorry, I will just continue liking you like this...
(Jonghyun knew he was strong. But he did know that he would just give up like this. The world wouldn’t always bow to him-to his wants. To leave him in happiness was the last wish Jonghyun prayed for.
It wasn’t love. Yeah, it wasn’t.)
*****
Jinki was in bliss, having fried chicken as his lunch was always the best part of his life. Taemin knew that, really, and he couldn’t help himself but giggle at that, as always. They were at peace with each other (well, Taemin was not in the best mood to have a heavy lunch so he ended up with some snacks and a cup of coffee) at least until Jinki patted the younger one’s shoulders. “Taemin-ah.”
“Mmh?”
“...” Jinki didn’t say anything else, but he offered his plate to him. The insensitive Taemin was just turning his head and staring at it, then stared back at Jinki’s eyes. There was an aura of concern and genuine care for him in Jinki’s eyes, Taemin could feel it. It was the same as before, but it was different. The aura, the way Jinki called him, the smile, everything. Taemin blinked several times, silence hanging in the air for a long time. While on the other side, Jinki didn’t quite understand things. Why can’t he break his shell just for once? Is there any way to take his heart from its jail? The older one just raised his eyebrows, pulled the corner of his lips as wide as he could.
“I don’t want you to get sick, Taemin-ah.”
Okay. Jinki knew that Taemin wasn’t as skinny as the first time he had met him. But he still cared so much about Taemin-all about him. Jinki suddenly ruffled Taemin’s hair, then moved his hand to his cheek, gave it a bit force so he could see a pair of that brown eyes. Taemin gave him a blank stare, but his eyes widened when his lips met Jinki’s. The older one pushed his head, just a little bit, so he could feel and taste the surface of the younger’s lips.
‘I’m sorry. I really need to show you this...’
‘Hyung, I don’t think I will really like you.’
‘I don’t want you to cry again. I don’t want to see your blank stare...’
‘I don’t understand, hyung... and... I don’t know...’
*****
Aah, Taemin-ah, I forgot to say this. Tomorrow I’ll bring you out. I won’t accept a ‘no’ answer from you, okay? Meet me at the amusement park, 4 p.m.
- Jinki
*****
The weather was cold and freezing to the extend that Taemin was shaking even though he was wearing many layers of clothes- until the layer of clothes that he was wearing wasn’t as comfortable as he thought it would be. Hazy mist came out from Taemin’s mouth as he exhaled, followed by a sigh as he walked towards his destination. He looked down at the watch on his wrist and frowned his eye brows. He was late again but he was happy because it was his two-year anniversary with Minho as lovers.
He waited patiently at the new amusement park entrance where they were going to meet but two hours have passed, there were no signs of Minho coming. Taemin has been calling Minho for the past few hours but it always ended in the voice mail.
What if there is an accident...
Is Minho injured? Why isn’t Minho answering his phone?
Did he forget about our meeting? But we talked yesterday about meeting here...
There were so many things and what-ifs that ran across Taemin’s mind until he nearly missed the one person whom he was waiting for, walking a few meters in front of him. Taemin smiled but seconds later, his eyes turned moist as tears started to form at the corner of his eyes when he saw Minho with another girl clinging to his arm. He knew her as Krystal-Jung Krystal.
He has no idea what he was doing but he couldn’t stop himself from finding a place to hide himself from being seen, like as if he was the one in the wrong. He just couldn’t help it. Taemin’s heart clutched in pain when he watched Minho and the girl walking hand in hand towards the amusement park entrance. Taemin’s tears finally rolled down from his eyes when he saw the girl kiss Minho on the lips before they entered the amusement park.
*****
“Stop lying!” Taemin glared at Minho as more and more tears rolled down his already wet cheeks.
“Taemin, I can explain!” Minho stepped closer to Taemin but it only resulted in Taemin taking two steps back away from the older boy.
“She kissed you on the... lips... Why do you still have to deny it!” Taemin said out sadly as he choked on his tears.
“I...” Minho became speechless.
“You didn’t even remember our anniversary, which was yesterday!” Taemin looked at Minho sadly.
“...”
“I got so worried when you didn’t show up... but I think... it was just a waste of your time... to be with me. (sob) when you don’t even remember about... me or our two-year anniversary!”
“I’m sorry!” Minho apologised.
“Why do you have to do this? What have I done wrong to make you not love me any more?” Taemin shouted.
“It not your fault! It’s mine...” Minho said out loud.
“I thought you loved me!” Taemin shouted again.
“I do... I really do love you! I still do!” Minho swept Taemin in his embrace but Taemin struggled against it violently.
“LEAVE... LEAVE... I don’t want to see you anymore...” Taemin hit Minho’s chest hard, desperate for him to let him go.
“I know it was my fault... but I can’t leave her... I have my reasons... Please understand!” Minho tried to explain to Taemin.
“I don’t want hear your explanation... get out from my sight, I don’t want to see you anymore...” Taemin cried out sadly as he locked himself in his room and cried his heart out.
“I love you, Taemin... I really do...” Minho whispered to Taemin who was now crying on the other side of the door as tears flowed down from his eyes, as he walked out of Taemin’s life.
(And those memories, they crossed Taemin’s mind again, made his heart feel a little pain, as he waited for Jinki to come, to bring him far away from this place-a place with the worst memories ever.
Taemin didn’t know that Jinki would do exactly what Minho did before-but in this case, Jinki wasn’t the one who was cheating behind him. Instead, he was facing an unrequited love.)
*****
Jinki had to go, to bring Taemin out on an amusement park date, but Jonghyun had pulled him to their favorite place-a big tree somewhere behind Jonghyun’s house. They used to play there together when they were kids. Jinki has no idea why suddenly the other boy had wanted to bring him here. And Jonghyun-with his really pale face-only gave him a weak smile while he held the other’s hand. His heart was beating like crazy. Now or never, he thought, I really need the answer now.
“Hyung-”
“Jjong, you’re cold. Why did you suddenly bring me here?” Jinki asked with great curiosity.
“I’m okay, hyung, nothing’s wrong with me.” The more he lied, the more his smile grew weaker. Jinki sighed a little as he bowed his head and briefly raised it again. A moment later, when he was about to question Jonghyun more, he found himself embraced tightly by Jonghyun. In the cold, Jonghyun could feel the warmth of Jinki’s body-something that he had liked since the beginning. Jinki couldn’t do much again but patted Jonghyun’s head for a bit.
“Jonghyun...” Jinki said out worriedly as he returned the hug.
“Hyung, please! Just don’t talk for a moment... I just want us to stay like this, just for today...” Jonghyun begged as he hugged Jinki even tighter as he inhaled Jinki’s scent and felt Jinki’s warmth, so that he could keep it in his heart, mind and soul that Jinki was his for this moment-no one was going to steal Jinki away from him. Jinki had no idea how long Jonghyun had been holding him like that but he didn’t mind at all.
“Hyung?“
“Yes, Jjongie?”
“Promise me that you won’t be mad and we can still be best friends after this?” Jonghyun asked uncertainly.
“What are you talking about? You know that I won’t be mad at you or anything...”
“Just promise me, hyung.” Jonghyun begged.
“Ok, I promise.” Jonghyun exhaled, feeling relieved at the moment after he heard Jinki’s reply.
“I... I LOVE YOU!” Jonghyun stuttered out confession.
“...”
“I have been in love with you since five years ago, hyung. Will you accept my love?” Jonghyun asked uncertainly. He already knew the answer, sadly, but Jonghyun didn’t want to give up right now. He was being possessive. All he wanted was Jinki-nothing more nothing less. He wanted to prove himself that he was wrong-the fact that Jinki’s feelings towards Taemin were just as regular as a close relationship between a hyung and his dongsaeng. The fact that Jinki already had feelings towards Jonghyun since a long time ago was true. Selfish Jonghyun was selfish, but-again-the world won’t always bow to him.
“Jjong-I’m sorry.”
Jonghyun’s world collapsed instantly, even though he was already expecting that.
“Jjong. I... I’m sorry.” Jinki replied.
“I... I kind of knew it... that you won’t return my feelings...” Jonghyun lowered his head, burying his head lower as he tried to stop the tears that was going to flow out from his eyes.
“Jjong... I’m sorry!” Jinki hugged Jonghyun tighter as he felt Jonghyun shiver as he cried.
“Don’t be... Just let me love you even if you don’t... just let me love you!” Jonghyun whispered in the dark. That was his last wish-to God-nothing more nothing less.
‘Jinki-hyung, I wish for your happiness with Taeminnie. I really wish for that.
He’s the best for you. Not me. Your heart knows that...’
(On the same day, when Jinki finally met Taemin at the amusement park, Jonghyun indirectly gave his last breath-as he passed away. Forever. Jonghyun just couldn’t fight his cancer. It became too much for him.)
****
Ding Dong... Ding Dong...
Taemin’s mother was doing her cooking when she heard the bell ring from the door. Mrs. Lee quickly switched off the fire that she was using to cook the dinner and rushed towards the door, opening to reveal Jinki.
“Oh, it’s you Jinki!” Mrs. Lee smiled and let the young one in.
“Good Evening, Mrs Lee. Is Taemin home?” Jinki looked around the house.
“Taemin is in his room. He is not in a good mood, did you guys have a fight?” Mrs Lee asked curiously.
“No, we didn’t. Can I take Taemin out... I mean for dinner.”
“So you guys are dating now?”
“No, Mrs Lee, I just want to cheer Taemin up.” Jinki answered nervously as he scratched his neck.
“Oh, you are no fun!” Mrs Lee teased. “You can go and find Taemin now... you know the way!”
*****
The sky was already dark when Jinki finally succeeded in bringing Taemin out of the house. Both of them were walking side by side along the crowded street. Jinki kept buying food and telling cold jokes so that he could somehow cheer the gloomy Taemin up.
“Hyung?”
“Yes, Taeminnie?” Jinki smiled brightly as Taemin finally decided to talk to him.
“Stop saying those cold jokes...” Taemin gave Jinki a side glare.
“I just want to cheer you up! Do you want to talk? You will feel better!”
“-I... Ok.” Taemin sighed.
Both of them reached the park that was on the other side of the street. The street light that was shining in the park was very dim due to its old nature, but it still gave both of them a warm feeling as they were walking through the beautifully decorated park, though they couldn’t see the beauty that only shone fully when it was day.
When both of them reached one of the benches that was situated under a tree, they sat in silence until Taemin decided to break it. “Hyung?”
“Yeah?”
“Am I stupid?”
“Why do you say that?”
“I was just wondering... why do I have to love him so much...”
“...”
“...and I still do...” Taemin whispered.
“I got to know the reason why he chose to leave me... it hurts so much even though I know that he still loves me...”
“Both of us are not destined to be together... He already has a family and a child, his wife is beautiful...” Jinki’s hand reached for Taemin’s cold one and he held it tightly in his bigger one, saying nothing.
“All I can do is wishing him to be happy!”
Jinki hugged Taemin in his arms and said, “It’s alright Taemin. I’m here, I’m not going to leave you,” Jinki whispered.
“Hyung, the pain is so unbearable! How can I make it stop? Will the pain go away?”
“Yes, Taemin, yes the pain will go away. It just needs some time... I’ll make it go away.”
“Really?” Taemin asked uncertainly with tears in his eyes.
“Yes.” Jinki took this opportunity to kiss Taemin full on the lips. Taemin’s eyes widened at the kiss but he eventually kissed back, closing his eyes as tears flowed down from his eyes.
*****
Three Years Later…
Jinki was asleep on the office sofa when he felt someone touching his face softly. He smiled as he opened his eyes, seeing the love of his life. He opened up his arms as he pulled Taemin into his embrace. He sighed in contentment, “Why are you here, Taeminnie?”
“You didn’t answer your phone, I was worried!” Taemin snuggled deeper into Jinki’s embrace.
“Really, What time is it?”
“It’s already 8pm,” Taemin answered.
“Why didn’t you wake me up? How long have you been here?” Jinki sat up, pulling Taemin along.
“An hour. But you looked so tired. I just want you to have some sleep.”
“Oh Taemin! You silly.” Jinki leaned his face closer to Taemin’s and rubbed their noses together softly. Taemin giggled and gave Jinki a quick peck on the lips before he tried to pull Jinki up from the sofa.
“Do you know that we are going to be late for dinner? Appa will be really angry!” Taemin smiled playfully. Jinki gave Taemin an apologetic look.
“I forgot, I’m sorry...” Jinki hugged Taemin.
“Appa is scary, he’s still angry with you and me when you told him that I’m your lover...” Taemin sighed.
“Taemin, we talked about this many times, it has been three years. I know Appa is angry that I didn’t date a girl but I realized I can’t listen to my parents all the time, I need to make my own decision for my love life. And that’s you, Taemin. I can give up anything else, but not you.”
“Jinki... why is Appa still mad about me?” Taemin said sadly.
“He’s not mad, Taemin.”
“Why are you saying that he’s not mad? He clearly is...”
“Trust me, he isn’t... He won’t even let you step into his house if he is.” Jinki put on his coat with a little help from Taemin .
“Why are you so sure?”
“Because I’m his son, silly!” Jinki pinched Taemin’s nose, before grabbing Taemin’s hand and walking out of the office building, hand in hand. Jinki smiled ear to ear, thinking that they will definitely walk the rest of their lives together no matter what happens.
A/N: Really first time I wrote a slash fic. LOL. I deeply thank to hikaritsubasa as my partner for shinee_duets. I'm sorry for being overly lame .__. And, yes, people. It includes also a het pairing. MINSTAL! Thank you to my over biasness towards them. And for some Jonghyun part that I wrote, it's kinda inspirated by IU's newest song, The Story I Didn't Know (it was like imagining another JongYu pairing, Jonghyun/IU. HAHA!) and well, it was really sad for me, jsyk T___T /hugs Jjong tightly/ And after I finished to write this, I was thinking again about writing some short one-shot fics again. Or continuing Minho/Suzy or Taemin/f(x). Which one do you want to read the most, anyway? Hahaha! Every comments are very appreciated!
Lee Jinki (Onew) - Lee Taemin.
hinted!pairing: Choi Minho - Jung Soojung (Krystal).
hinted!broken pairing: Choi Minho - Lee Taemin, Lee Jinki (Onew) - Kim Jonghyun.
Rating: PG-13 - Genre: Romance, Drama, slight!Angst.
Collaboration with hikaritsubasa for shinee_duets.
It Just Wasn’t Meant To Be You... and Me.
하나...
둘... (sniff)
셋...
An arm was lifted among the tall grass in the middle of the field as the owner counted the blinking stars that were decorating the dark, cold night sky. The moon stood proudly in the dark sky; cold wind blew by as grass rustled in the dark, the sound of crickets crying and frogs burping by the pond a few meters away could be heard clearly. Everything was so peace and beautiful yet it was interrupted.
Accompanied by those sounds, another sound was heard...
The boy that was lying on the grass was crying, crying his heart out to mother nature, hoping that she could smooth his painful heart out; hoping that the cracks in his heart could be healed and made whole again so that he could live on.
Why do you have to do this...
What have I done wrong...
I love you so much...
And now you are doing this to me...
I thought you loved me...
We have been together for so long...
LEAVE...
I don’t want to see you anymore...
Get out from my sight, I don’t want to see you anymore...
*****
The sun was peeking through the horizons, coloring the sky with a line of yellow and orange while chasing the night and the moon away so that the mighty Sun could dominate the day. People were starting to get woken up by the sun light that was shining through the clouds when an alarm clock rang in one of the household bedroom.
Ringgggggggggggggggggggggg!!
A grumble could be heard from under a pile of blankets, as an arm reached out from underneath the blanket and slammed on the ringing alarm, its owner trying to continue sleeping. Around half an hour later, a voice was heard shouting from downstairs.
“Taemin-ah, wake up! You are going to be late!” Mrs. Lee shouted from the kitchen, accompanied by the smell of lovely breakfast. Taemin sat up from his bed as he pouted his lips while looking at the alarm clock that was sited beside his bed, Taemin’s eyes widened after he stared at the numbers that was showing on his alarm. “Shit!”
The clock read 7.50 am, he had twenty minutes before his class starts. Taemin rushed to the bathroom and got a quick shower. He got dressed as fast as he could after stepping out from the bathroom with water still dripping down his face. After grabbing his messenger bag that was hanging beside his chair, he ran downstairs towards the kitchen, grabbing himself a piece of toast, and after pecking his mother’s cheek, he ran out of his house like the wind. His mother sighed with a smile on her face as she didn’t have the time to wish her son to have a good day before her son ran out of the house. Taemin ran as fast as his legs could take him. It was fortunate that his university was near his home, so running to school wasn’t as hard as it seemed, but accidents do happen.
*****
It happened really fast; someone accidentally crashed into Taemin’s body until both of them fell to the ground. The only good thing was he didn’t land head first into the ground-wonder what it would be like if it happened to him. Although of course he felt pain in his ass, Taemin rose up from his position without even looking at the guy who also fell with him. He was still in a hurry- it was several minutes more until class started. So the only thing he did after that was to grab his own bag and walk at a fast pace to his university.
“Taemin-ah.”
He had taken two steps, and then suddenly someone called him, so he stopped again-without even realizing that time kept moving and never stopped. In seconds, Taemin turned his head back to the person who called him-and then hoped that in that moment he could disappear from his eyes. Taemin could see his tall body, short and sort of curly brown hair, wide eyes, the charismatic face... Taemin couldn’t help himself but be a little shocked and in seconds later he pretended to be surprised-in positive way. “Ooh. Hyung!”
“Are you okay? Sorry, I bumped into you.” That guy, Choi Minho, walked closer to Taemin. He even tried to grab his hand, but the younger stepped back slowly, like he didn’t want his hand held by him.
“O-oh, it’s okay, I-I need to go. See you soon, hyung!” Taemin’s voice quivered as he slowly walked away from Minho. For Minho, it was something that was confusing. But for Taemin, it was something he wanted to avoid. Like, let’s say, Taemin didn’t want to meet him ever again. As he walked through the campus to find his class, Taemin kept telling himself to behave as usual-even though he really wanted to cry any moment.
(Minho learned from the way Taemin walked past him, the way his eyes stared at him, and the way his body shook a bit-and he realized that he isn’t the one he wants-forever. Minho may be happy with his life now, but not as happy as when he had Taemin by his side.)
Why did he need to meet that person? Why he must bumped by someone who made his important thing in his heart broken into little pieces whenever he saw his face even in photos?
But fortunately he entered his class before he could get lost, drowned in his emotions. Taemin spotted a seat that was still empty and luckily-again-it was beside his close hyung, Jinki. The narrow-eyed guy smiled at Taemin sheepishly, as Taemin took the seat, and then Jinki studied his face for a while. Jinki could tell that there was something odd about Taemin that day. And unfortunately, their professor stepped into the class just when he had wanted to ask Taemin about it. So he decided to kept the question to Taemin for later.
Will you ever realize the feelings that I have for you…
Do you know that I am here right beside you so that you can lean on me…
When you feel like crying…
I’m here…
Just for you…
*****
Jonghyun smiled when he spotted Jinki down the hall but his smile soon turned into a sad frown when he once again spotted Taemin beside Jinki walking side by side towards his direction.
“Taemin-ah! Lets get lunch together, what do you want to eat?” Jinki asked Taemin while he looked up and spotted Jonghyun not far away.
“Jonghyun!” Jinki gave Jonghyun a wave and smiled brightly at Jonghyun. Jonghyun blushed when he got out of his trance and saw Jinki smiling brightly at him. It never failed to make Jonghyun blush whenever Jinki smiled so brightly at him and his heart would always skip beats and sometimes his heart beat too fast for him to handle; but he love the feeling so much even though it also gave him pain in the end.
“Hyung… Taeminnie!” Jonghyun walked towards Jinki and Taemin.
“Where are you going?” Jinki looked at all the music books that Jonghyun was holding in his hands.
“I have my music class later in…15 minutes!” Jonghyun answeered after he checked his watch.
“Oh, I was going to invite you to have lunch with us!” Jinki gave Jonghyun a sad smile.
“It’s alright! You guys can go without me…I have to go now, the class is at the other side of the campus.” Jonghyun was sad and happy at the same time when he heard Jinki’s offer. Happy because Jinki wanted to have lunch with him, sad because he couldn’t go.
Jinki and Jonghyun were best friends since they were kids. They did everything together- they even have the same interest: singing. Jonghyun’s parent were kind and caring- they let Jonghyun do what he wanted to do but Jinki wasn’t that lucky because his parents were strict. Or, more accurately, his father was the strict one while his mother was the soft type. Jinki didn’t have the freedom that Jonghyun has, Jinki couldn’t choose or object to what was in store for him ever since he was born under the name Lee.
His destiny was fixed, he couldn’t run from it but Jinki felt lucky that he has a friend like Jonghyun who was by his side whenever he needed him. Whenever he felt lonely, insecure or pressured by his father, teachers, or even his own expectations of not disappointing anyone.
Jonghyun was always there for him to lean on...
Jonghyun always gave him the support that he needed…
He felt very grateful to have met Jonghyun, but the feeling that Taemin gave him was different fron the feeling that Jinki had for Jonghyun...
Then Taemin entered his life. Taemin didn’t come from a rich family but he was smart enough to obtain a scholarship and enter well-known school in Seoul, Seoul National University. Taemin was being bullied by some of the rich snobs when Jinki stopped them, “What do you guys think you were doing? Don’t you feel ashamed of yourselves when you bully someone weaker than you?”
That was the first time Taemin had encountered a protector-a guardian, somewhat.
It was also the first time Jinki felt an obligation to protect him. Though he knew he had something else that really put pressure on him, he didn’t mind that. With a bright smile on his face, one day, Jinki told Taemin that, “I’ll be by your side. Don’t worry.” And Taemin felt secure-just half of him. Because, still, he felt afraid of possibly slowly falling into the same hole-called love. Also, that was a big déjà vu for him. There was a guy who used to protect him-and even loved him. But he dumped Taemin for another person. Worst of all, back then, he pretended not to know him.
And now, there was Jinki beside him.
He was afraid that, if he fell into the same hole, it would end the same as before.
I’d die from the sadness...
If you leave me behind...
So, I’m sorry, I will just continue liking you like this...
(Jonghyun knew he was strong. But he did know that he would just give up like this. The world wouldn’t always bow to him-to his wants. To leave him in happiness was the last wish Jonghyun prayed for.
It wasn’t love. Yeah, it wasn’t.)
*****
Jinki was in bliss, having fried chicken as his lunch was always the best part of his life. Taemin knew that, really, and he couldn’t help himself but giggle at that, as always. They were at peace with each other (well, Taemin was not in the best mood to have a heavy lunch so he ended up with some snacks and a cup of coffee) at least until Jinki patted the younger one’s shoulders. “Taemin-ah.”
“Mmh?”
“...” Jinki didn’t say anything else, but he offered his plate to him. The insensitive Taemin was just turning his head and staring at it, then stared back at Jinki’s eyes. There was an aura of concern and genuine care for him in Jinki’s eyes, Taemin could feel it. It was the same as before, but it was different. The aura, the way Jinki called him, the smile, everything. Taemin blinked several times, silence hanging in the air for a long time. While on the other side, Jinki didn’t quite understand things. Why can’t he break his shell just for once? Is there any way to take his heart from its jail? The older one just raised his eyebrows, pulled the corner of his lips as wide as he could.
“I don’t want you to get sick, Taemin-ah.”
Okay. Jinki knew that Taemin wasn’t as skinny as the first time he had met him. But he still cared so much about Taemin-all about him. Jinki suddenly ruffled Taemin’s hair, then moved his hand to his cheek, gave it a bit force so he could see a pair of that brown eyes. Taemin gave him a blank stare, but his eyes widened when his lips met Jinki’s. The older one pushed his head, just a little bit, so he could feel and taste the surface of the younger’s lips.
‘I’m sorry. I really need to show you this...’
‘Hyung, I don’t think I will really like you.’
‘I don’t want you to cry again. I don’t want to see your blank stare...’
‘I don’t understand, hyung... and... I don’t know...’
*****
Aah, Taemin-ah, I forgot to say this. Tomorrow I’ll bring you out. I won’t accept a ‘no’ answer from you, okay? Meet me at the amusement park, 4 p.m.
- Jinki
*****
The weather was cold and freezing to the extend that Taemin was shaking even though he was wearing many layers of clothes- until the layer of clothes that he was wearing wasn’t as comfortable as he thought it would be. Hazy mist came out from Taemin’s mouth as he exhaled, followed by a sigh as he walked towards his destination. He looked down at the watch on his wrist and frowned his eye brows. He was late again but he was happy because it was his two-year anniversary with Minho as lovers.
He waited patiently at the new amusement park entrance where they were going to meet but two hours have passed, there were no signs of Minho coming. Taemin has been calling Minho for the past few hours but it always ended in the voice mail.
What if there is an accident...
Is Minho injured? Why isn’t Minho answering his phone?
Did he forget about our meeting? But we talked yesterday about meeting here...
There were so many things and what-ifs that ran across Taemin’s mind until he nearly missed the one person whom he was waiting for, walking a few meters in front of him. Taemin smiled but seconds later, his eyes turned moist as tears started to form at the corner of his eyes when he saw Minho with another girl clinging to his arm. He knew her as Krystal-Jung Krystal.
He has no idea what he was doing but he couldn’t stop himself from finding a place to hide himself from being seen, like as if he was the one in the wrong. He just couldn’t help it. Taemin’s heart clutched in pain when he watched Minho and the girl walking hand in hand towards the amusement park entrance. Taemin’s tears finally rolled down from his eyes when he saw the girl kiss Minho on the lips before they entered the amusement park.
*****
“Stop lying!” Taemin glared at Minho as more and more tears rolled down his already wet cheeks.
“Taemin, I can explain!” Minho stepped closer to Taemin but it only resulted in Taemin taking two steps back away from the older boy.
“She kissed you on the... lips... Why do you still have to deny it!” Taemin said out sadly as he choked on his tears.
“I...” Minho became speechless.
“You didn’t even remember our anniversary, which was yesterday!” Taemin looked at Minho sadly.
“...”
“I got so worried when you didn’t show up... but I think... it was just a waste of your time... to be with me. (sob) when you don’t even remember about... me or our two-year anniversary!”
“I’m sorry!” Minho apologised.
“Why do you have to do this? What have I done wrong to make you not love me any more?” Taemin shouted.
“It not your fault! It’s mine...” Minho said out loud.
“I thought you loved me!” Taemin shouted again.
“I do... I really do love you! I still do!” Minho swept Taemin in his embrace but Taemin struggled against it violently.
“LEAVE... LEAVE... I don’t want to see you anymore...” Taemin hit Minho’s chest hard, desperate for him to let him go.
“I know it was my fault... but I can’t leave her... I have my reasons... Please understand!” Minho tried to explain to Taemin.
“I don’t want hear your explanation... get out from my sight, I don’t want to see you anymore...” Taemin cried out sadly as he locked himself in his room and cried his heart out.
“I love you, Taemin... I really do...” Minho whispered to Taemin who was now crying on the other side of the door as tears flowed down from his eyes, as he walked out of Taemin’s life.
(And those memories, they crossed Taemin’s mind again, made his heart feel a little pain, as he waited for Jinki to come, to bring him far away from this place-a place with the worst memories ever.
Taemin didn’t know that Jinki would do exactly what Minho did before-but in this case, Jinki wasn’t the one who was cheating behind him. Instead, he was facing an unrequited love.)
*****
Jinki had to go, to bring Taemin out on an amusement park date, but Jonghyun had pulled him to their favorite place-a big tree somewhere behind Jonghyun’s house. They used to play there together when they were kids. Jinki has no idea why suddenly the other boy had wanted to bring him here. And Jonghyun-with his really pale face-only gave him a weak smile while he held the other’s hand. His heart was beating like crazy. Now or never, he thought, I really need the answer now.
“Hyung-”
“Jjong, you’re cold. Why did you suddenly bring me here?” Jinki asked with great curiosity.
“I’m okay, hyung, nothing’s wrong with me.” The more he lied, the more his smile grew weaker. Jinki sighed a little as he bowed his head and briefly raised it again. A moment later, when he was about to question Jonghyun more, he found himself embraced tightly by Jonghyun. In the cold, Jonghyun could feel the warmth of Jinki’s body-something that he had liked since the beginning. Jinki couldn’t do much again but patted Jonghyun’s head for a bit.
“Jonghyun...” Jinki said out worriedly as he returned the hug.
“Hyung, please! Just don’t talk for a moment... I just want us to stay like this, just for today...” Jonghyun begged as he hugged Jinki even tighter as he inhaled Jinki’s scent and felt Jinki’s warmth, so that he could keep it in his heart, mind and soul that Jinki was his for this moment-no one was going to steal Jinki away from him. Jinki had no idea how long Jonghyun had been holding him like that but he didn’t mind at all.
“Hyung?“
“Yes, Jjongie?”
“Promise me that you won’t be mad and we can still be best friends after this?” Jonghyun asked uncertainly.
“What are you talking about? You know that I won’t be mad at you or anything...”
“Just promise me, hyung.” Jonghyun begged.
“Ok, I promise.” Jonghyun exhaled, feeling relieved at the moment after he heard Jinki’s reply.
“I... I LOVE YOU!” Jonghyun stuttered out confession.
“...”
“I have been in love with you since five years ago, hyung. Will you accept my love?” Jonghyun asked uncertainly. He already knew the answer, sadly, but Jonghyun didn’t want to give up right now. He was being possessive. All he wanted was Jinki-nothing more nothing less. He wanted to prove himself that he was wrong-the fact that Jinki’s feelings towards Taemin were just as regular as a close relationship between a hyung and his dongsaeng. The fact that Jinki already had feelings towards Jonghyun since a long time ago was true. Selfish Jonghyun was selfish, but-again-the world won’t always bow to him.
“Jjong-I’m sorry.”
Jonghyun’s world collapsed instantly, even though he was already expecting that.
“Jjong. I... I’m sorry.” Jinki replied.
“I... I kind of knew it... that you won’t return my feelings...” Jonghyun lowered his head, burying his head lower as he tried to stop the tears that was going to flow out from his eyes.
“Jjong... I’m sorry!” Jinki hugged Jonghyun tighter as he felt Jonghyun shiver as he cried.
“Don’t be... Just let me love you even if you don’t... just let me love you!” Jonghyun whispered in the dark. That was his last wish-to God-nothing more nothing less.
‘Jinki-hyung, I wish for your happiness with Taeminnie. I really wish for that.
He’s the best for you. Not me. Your heart knows that...’
(On the same day, when Jinki finally met Taemin at the amusement park, Jonghyun indirectly gave his last breath-as he passed away. Forever. Jonghyun just couldn’t fight his cancer. It became too much for him.)
****
Ding Dong... Ding Dong...
Taemin’s mother was doing her cooking when she heard the bell ring from the door. Mrs. Lee quickly switched off the fire that she was using to cook the dinner and rushed towards the door, opening to reveal Jinki.
“Oh, it’s you Jinki!” Mrs. Lee smiled and let the young one in.
“Good Evening, Mrs Lee. Is Taemin home?” Jinki looked around the house.
“Taemin is in his room. He is not in a good mood, did you guys have a fight?” Mrs Lee asked curiously.
“No, we didn’t. Can I take Taemin out... I mean for dinner.”
“So you guys are dating now?”
“No, Mrs Lee, I just want to cheer Taemin up.” Jinki answered nervously as he scratched his neck.
“Oh, you are no fun!” Mrs Lee teased. “You can go and find Taemin now... you know the way!”
*****
The sky was already dark when Jinki finally succeeded in bringing Taemin out of the house. Both of them were walking side by side along the crowded street. Jinki kept buying food and telling cold jokes so that he could somehow cheer the gloomy Taemin up.
“Hyung?”
“Yes, Taeminnie?” Jinki smiled brightly as Taemin finally decided to talk to him.
“Stop saying those cold jokes...” Taemin gave Jinki a side glare.
“I just want to cheer you up! Do you want to talk? You will feel better!”
“-I... Ok.” Taemin sighed.
Both of them reached the park that was on the other side of the street. The street light that was shining in the park was very dim due to its old nature, but it still gave both of them a warm feeling as they were walking through the beautifully decorated park, though they couldn’t see the beauty that only shone fully when it was day.
When both of them reached one of the benches that was situated under a tree, they sat in silence until Taemin decided to break it. “Hyung?”
“Yeah?”
“Am I stupid?”
“Why do you say that?”
“I was just wondering... why do I have to love him so much...”
“...”
“...and I still do...” Taemin whispered.
“I got to know the reason why he chose to leave me... it hurts so much even though I know that he still loves me...”
“Both of us are not destined to be together... He already has a family and a child, his wife is beautiful...” Jinki’s hand reached for Taemin’s cold one and he held it tightly in his bigger one, saying nothing.
“All I can do is wishing him to be happy!”
Jinki hugged Taemin in his arms and said, “It’s alright Taemin. I’m here, I’m not going to leave you,” Jinki whispered.
“Hyung, the pain is so unbearable! How can I make it stop? Will the pain go away?”
“Yes, Taemin, yes the pain will go away. It just needs some time... I’ll make it go away.”
“Really?” Taemin asked uncertainly with tears in his eyes.
“Yes.” Jinki took this opportunity to kiss Taemin full on the lips. Taemin’s eyes widened at the kiss but he eventually kissed back, closing his eyes as tears flowed down from his eyes.
*****
Three Years Later…
Jinki was asleep on the office sofa when he felt someone touching his face softly. He smiled as he opened his eyes, seeing the love of his life. He opened up his arms as he pulled Taemin into his embrace. He sighed in contentment, “Why are you here, Taeminnie?”
“You didn’t answer your phone, I was worried!” Taemin snuggled deeper into Jinki’s embrace.
“Really, What time is it?”
“It’s already 8pm,” Taemin answered.
“Why didn’t you wake me up? How long have you been here?” Jinki sat up, pulling Taemin along.
“An hour. But you looked so tired. I just want you to have some sleep.”
“Oh Taemin! You silly.” Jinki leaned his face closer to Taemin’s and rubbed their noses together softly. Taemin giggled and gave Jinki a quick peck on the lips before he tried to pull Jinki up from the sofa.
“Do you know that we are going to be late for dinner? Appa will be really angry!” Taemin smiled playfully. Jinki gave Taemin an apologetic look.
“I forgot, I’m sorry...” Jinki hugged Taemin.
“Appa is scary, he’s still angry with you and me when you told him that I’m your lover...” Taemin sighed.
“Taemin, we talked about this many times, it has been three years. I know Appa is angry that I didn’t date a girl but I realized I can’t listen to my parents all the time, I need to make my own decision for my love life. And that’s you, Taemin. I can give up anything else, but not you.”
“Jinki... why is Appa still mad about me?” Taemin said sadly.
“He’s not mad, Taemin.”
“Why are you saying that he’s not mad? He clearly is...”
“Trust me, he isn’t... He won’t even let you step into his house if he is.” Jinki put on his coat with a little help from Taemin .
“Why are you so sure?”
“Because I’m his son, silly!” Jinki pinched Taemin’s nose, before grabbing Taemin’s hand and walking out of the office building, hand in hand. Jinki smiled ear to ear, thinking that they will definitely walk the rest of their lives together no matter what happens.
A/N: Really first time I wrote a slash fic. LOL. I deeply thank to hikaritsubasa as my partner for shinee_duets. I'm sorry for being overly lame .__. And, yes, people. It includes also a het pairing. MINSTAL! Thank you to my over biasness towards them. And for some Jonghyun part that I wrote, it's kinda inspirated by IU's newest song, The Story I Didn't Know (it was like imagining another JongYu pairing, Jonghyun/IU. HAHA!) and well, it was really sad for me, jsyk T___T /hugs Jjong tightly/ And after I finished to write this, I was thinking again about writing some short one-shot fics again. Or continuing Minho/Suzy or Taemin/f(x). Which one do you want to read the most, anyway? Hahaha! Every comments are very appreciated!