Peace.
So this is my last post. Might as well make it semi-lenghty. I'm fucking up in every single thing that i do. My grades are all failing, i can't do my job, i can't write, i can't play guitar, i can't comprehend most of what is said to me, i can't remember half the shit people say to me, i can't defend anyone without fucking up, i can't defend myself without fucking up, basically nothing i do turns out positive, i usualy just sit back and fuck everything up, i never even knew it was possible for me to hit this damn low. I've been like this for ages, just it takes me a little time to realise becasue i'm too fucking stupid for things to hit me. I turned 17 saturday, no one wished me a happy birthday without me telling them it was my birthday but my parents and grandparents. I could honestly care i am one year older, doesn't feel it, but i will feel it when i charged as a adult for crimes i may commit, so fuck being 17. But never the less, i've been trying to work out for a few months now, but i've seen absolutely no results from it what so ever, i go once every other day for about a hour and a half and this is the hardest i've been trying at something for a while...and guess what, no effects what so ever, lovely. I payed off all my speeding tickets, thats good. Next one i get my license is suspended for a month. Still have to do 30 hours of community service. Things only get better for so little, just enough for me not wanna fucking off myself. Just so i can bare it for a little bit until i realise how that just helped me turn away from my fucking failures and fuck up's that i've been managing to pull in these past years. Tried to start a band again, no one pulls through, nothings going to pull though. I write er well i used to write, contimplating giving that up as well, it's getting me nothing and no where slow. It was the only thing i enjoyed and thought i wasn't horrid at, but apparently it's mediocre at best, so not use in trying. And i know a few will think "don't care what others say or think of you, you're actually a smart kid with potential blah blah blah" you say that, but you are probably just trying to lighten up the situation. If i had any potential it'd be showing by now, nothings showing, only showing how i'll probably end up a garbage man in 10 years when i'm done with community college. I'm not a smart kid, i can't finish one sentence from my fucking mouth without fucking up a word or a phrase or thought or argument. I fuck up with girls too, this is the least of my concerns as of now but whatever, some would say "well its cause you are always down on yourself" but even the times when i'm not or don't let any of it show, nothing works. There is and always will be at least 10 people above me who are better than whatever i do or whatever i am trying to accomplish and they will limit me from going anywhere in life and just leave me to stay behind fucking up and failing out. So on that note, i bid you adue. It's been a swell year and a half of bitching, talking about fucked up relationships and hangouts. xoxo