boring...but satisfactory....
I've watched the same sad movie at the same time in the morning for the last three days, and it always makes me cry uncontrollably, but I love it and I think I'll keep watching it until I stop crying from watching it. Thats when I'll know that its not having the same effect on me anymore.
I've been studying online everyday. And I've made a five year plan/pact with my sister. Lets see if I can really achieve anything, and if I'm really worth what I think I am.
I'm so jealous of her because she has a new car, and modelling pictures coming out in the new york times, and she's got personal tutors and a brand new car and a beautiful milato son and is 5'10 and weighs 118 pounds. However at the same time I'm not jealous because she's smoking crystal meth everyday, and thats why she's getting all these seemingly superb things accomplished. I don't want to see her crash and burn at all. I feel horrible for being jealous, and I want only the best things in life for her, but I want it to come naturally. Not to be the result of some drug that she's discovered, that I've recently done my best to discard out of my life.
in the last few days I've had access to cocaine and speed but had enough willpower to resist. Thats not to say that I won't slip up in the future, but mainly I think I'm just scared now, and also bored of doing the same thing expecting different results.
There's gotta be more to life, then just another temporary high, to satisfy me.
Me and my boyfriend are growing closer. Not dramatically, just the little things. I'm more comfortable showing affection to him. I think its because he REAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLY loves me....so I'm down for the 9-5, and the crime spree, as long as I remember that moderation is key and that I AM ALWAYS GOING TO BE MYSELF no matter whom I'm dating or what I'm pursuing.
little aisan retailer/dealer beauty, haha!
I miss my mother. And my sister. and all my friends.
Life is going to get better. Or I should say I'm going to get better at life.
fuccccccccccccccccccccck yessssssssssssssssssssssssss suckeeeeeeeeeeersss!