just dropping by
... dont really know what im doing here. venting i guess.
i got really lost last night coming out of Harvard Square and realized... im going to be lost for a very long time.
field hockey is #1 in the north east 10... were going to be nationally ranked. if we stay in the top three then we will go to florida for nationals.... this has been, and will continue to be an interesting year.
nothing is the same. then again, nothing is perminant anyway... the family seems to be... distant. court is gone. court was always here. kara is not far, but far enough so that she is never here... nikki too. i feel as though this might all get better when the season is over. i feel like sometimes im just never here... busy is busy... and being busy is hard.
i need to better apply myself in my studies. its hard. its hard to concentrate and its hard to motivate when im too depressed at times to move.
i have things. EEG, CAT scan, MRI. will that help figure out whats wrong with my head?
I need to refil my perscription for ambien. ambivilance is love. its... so nice to not feel... but... sometimes i forget... then again, thats nice too.
the past two times i drank i blacked out. i think its from lack of drinking and assuming i can go just as hard as i used to. interesting... i have not had a drink since i was at franklin pierce. hmmm saturday... this, is interesting to me. guess im not that big of an alcoholic anyway... we can drink tonight. we wont be back from the game for late though. i will drink anyway. i will be hungover tomorrow no doubt. sigh...
i have decided that this combo of words i hate the most "its getting serious with ____" i have heard it entirely too many times in the past few months.
i am alone. sometimes i wish i wasnt. all the time i remind myself that i dont trust, its not worth it. i cant love, it causes pain.
im fat. i need to not eat... cuz... clearly i have an issue... i rememver when i used to be smaller... and i thought i was fat. oh what i would give to be that small again... gahhh its not like i dont try either... i was at perfectos the other day and the coffee lady told me i looked like i was loosing weight.... i drink too much coffee lol.
alright, i have to go to rhode island... playing Bryant tonight...
thats all.
"sean was drunk all week and no one knew"
i got really lost last night coming out of Harvard Square and realized... im going to be lost for a very long time.
field hockey is #1 in the north east 10... were going to be nationally ranked. if we stay in the top three then we will go to florida for nationals.... this has been, and will continue to be an interesting year.
nothing is the same. then again, nothing is perminant anyway... the family seems to be... distant. court is gone. court was always here. kara is not far, but far enough so that she is never here... nikki too. i feel as though this might all get better when the season is over. i feel like sometimes im just never here... busy is busy... and being busy is hard.
i need to better apply myself in my studies. its hard. its hard to concentrate and its hard to motivate when im too depressed at times to move.
i have things. EEG, CAT scan, MRI. will that help figure out whats wrong with my head?
I need to refil my perscription for ambien. ambivilance is love. its... so nice to not feel... but... sometimes i forget... then again, thats nice too.
the past two times i drank i blacked out. i think its from lack of drinking and assuming i can go just as hard as i used to. interesting... i have not had a drink since i was at franklin pierce. hmmm saturday... this, is interesting to me. guess im not that big of an alcoholic anyway... we can drink tonight. we wont be back from the game for late though. i will drink anyway. i will be hungover tomorrow no doubt. sigh...
i have decided that this combo of words i hate the most "its getting serious with ____" i have heard it entirely too many times in the past few months.
i am alone. sometimes i wish i wasnt. all the time i remind myself that i dont trust, its not worth it. i cant love, it causes pain.
im fat. i need to not eat... cuz... clearly i have an issue... i rememver when i used to be smaller... and i thought i was fat. oh what i would give to be that small again... gahhh its not like i dont try either... i was at perfectos the other day and the coffee lady told me i looked like i was loosing weight.... i drink too much coffee lol.
alright, i have to go to rhode island... playing Bryant tonight...
thats all.
"sean was drunk all week and no one knew"