life...

[ill_burn_you]

In me i have 1 ambien and 3 klonopins... and a beer... that i snuck... since ive been cut off and all. im wide awake. i cant sleep. im all sorts of fucked up... wondering if i will really have to walk everywhere since i have no car... wondering how i will pay for school if mom really is cutting me off. i like to tell myself she isnt... but at the same time... shes never pulled shit like this with me before. im so miserable in this place. kris asked me tonight if i wanted to get a place together after we graduate. fuck. yes. see... he knows the hell that my home is... seeing as that, well, its his home too. i feel like every time mom tells me that im fucking crazy and i need serious intensive therapy that i should just hold up a mirror to her face. shes soooo bipolar it kills me. one min its happy kjersten who wants to be friends with sarah and have a good time... then... the blow ups come... the weird kjersten... the manic kjersten... the one who makes me almost shit my pants because i know that she has complete control over my life in that i am dependant on her 100% financially. some day soon this will change.

if i could turn back time i would have moved in with glen. i really really think that we would be good together. i even pussied out and told him how i really feel about our whole situation. great sarah. spill your heart out to a man who is dating a 19 year old and is probably having way more fun with her than he ever had with you... not to mention new tight pussy. not to say that mine isnt... but she seems pure... not that i know much about her, i just make up things in my head because thats what i do. i talk to him, and i cant help but picture him saying the things he said to me to elizabeth, and doing the same things... charming her... cooking for her... taking her for walks and romantic nights at the beach.

what is love besides a word?

and. im out.