happy back from spring break.
Well. Im back.
I had a killer spring break. I worked the entire time. Although that seems like it would be contradicting... i like work. I felt like i might be really manicy, however i feel like i just missed peters and was on a wicked high while i was working. I pretty much did 7ams-8pms for most of the time. 6 of the 8 days anyway. It was stellar... its like... an art form... making those sandwhiches... i like thinking of different things to make, and then make them, and get told that theyre incred. I got to think of a different meal for paul every day :) Its funny cuz i cant cook for shit [never really tried...] but, when it comes to lunch.... i fucking rock that shit. Salads too. i can make a bomb salad.
So, when i wasnt working i was sleeping, drinking, and or chillin with elise, lara, paul, woo, beau, liz, and at the end of the week kris and beth. It was nice to see everyone and have time with them. Elise and i threw a stellar dinner party for st. pattys day, and it was redic amazing. Cant believe it turned out so well. It was my first cooking success. I can bake btw... its just... the cooking thing... i dont know... im timid.
So, back at school with 6 weeks left.
I have easter break in 2 weeks. mom wants me to go see gma. i dont know... i just dont know if im ready to handle that... it scares me a little. i know how i remember her... i know that she doesnt like the way our family lives now... i know that i am unsure if i want to remember her any other way than the gma that would play kick the cans and "hoot' with me and kris every day. i just... dont know...
I need a date for sr. formal. I dont know what to do... i want a date... kori has bri, and kristina has paul, myla "wont go unless she has a date" but... again... im so stuck in the distinterest that i cnt even imagine finding someone that would want to go with me. I was thinking of making fix come, btu often im not sure if i cant handle his immaturity...and... of course he is not talking to me now, and i think its because someone told him about me hooking wiht beau. And... i just don tknow... i didnt know until after the fact that beau was the only that ainz cheated n him with. Not okay.
Beau looks like he is 12. He is the biggest ebonics texter ive ever met. Unreal. Weird, random, unreal.
Fix just finally started to talk to me.... hmmm... interesting... maybe he doesnt know.
I was considering trying to drink just once a week.
I feel gross. I have for a while. people know this but dont know how bad it eats me every day knowing that i look so gross... i found pics from when i was 125. i knwo it was right after i didnt eat for 2 weeks... but... i look sick... andi like it. i go to scott "i want to look liek that" he says "you just have to try harder" try harder? hes the only one that would say something like that and not "you look sick there" ... i looked good... its what society expects... i wishi was sick. thats right. i said it.
sick. fuck.
6 weeks fuck.
what to do. ugh...
my blanket smells like coffee.
i love coffee. i take it with skim and sugar.
i like to tan. i like the feeling after i work out.
i hate working out cuz i see all the mini people there...
i like coffee. i went grocery shopping and got some bomb stuff.
all good for me... dont worry. still trying to eat well... i decided something: no pizza cept for book club. no more eating like ill never eat again. no more. no more. i talked about bagels a lot. it happens... i undersatnd more and more why no more... merp.
i wish i had adderal. i wish i had more than one ambien left. i wish i had more kpins. i wish... i had it all.
on that note. i wish for a rest where i dont wake up in a sweat.
its all gravy. hollerback.
I had a killer spring break. I worked the entire time. Although that seems like it would be contradicting... i like work. I felt like i might be really manicy, however i feel like i just missed peters and was on a wicked high while i was working. I pretty much did 7ams-8pms for most of the time. 6 of the 8 days anyway. It was stellar... its like... an art form... making those sandwhiches... i like thinking of different things to make, and then make them, and get told that theyre incred. I got to think of a different meal for paul every day :) Its funny cuz i cant cook for shit [never really tried...] but, when it comes to lunch.... i fucking rock that shit. Salads too. i can make a bomb salad.
So, when i wasnt working i was sleeping, drinking, and or chillin with elise, lara, paul, woo, beau, liz, and at the end of the week kris and beth. It was nice to see everyone and have time with them. Elise and i threw a stellar dinner party for st. pattys day, and it was redic amazing. Cant believe it turned out so well. It was my first cooking success. I can bake btw... its just... the cooking thing... i dont know... im timid.
So, back at school with 6 weeks left.
I have easter break in 2 weeks. mom wants me to go see gma. i dont know... i just dont know if im ready to handle that... it scares me a little. i know how i remember her... i know that she doesnt like the way our family lives now... i know that i am unsure if i want to remember her any other way than the gma that would play kick the cans and "hoot' with me and kris every day. i just... dont know...
I need a date for sr. formal. I dont know what to do... i want a date... kori has bri, and kristina has paul, myla "wont go unless she has a date" but... again... im so stuck in the distinterest that i cnt even imagine finding someone that would want to go with me. I was thinking of making fix come, btu often im not sure if i cant handle his immaturity...and... of course he is not talking to me now, and i think its because someone told him about me hooking wiht beau. And... i just don tknow... i didnt know until after the fact that beau was the only that ainz cheated n him with. Not okay.
Beau looks like he is 12. He is the biggest ebonics texter ive ever met. Unreal. Weird, random, unreal.
Fix just finally started to talk to me.... hmmm... interesting... maybe he doesnt know.
I was considering trying to drink just once a week.
I feel gross. I have for a while. people know this but dont know how bad it eats me every day knowing that i look so gross... i found pics from when i was 125. i knwo it was right after i didnt eat for 2 weeks... but... i look sick... andi like it. i go to scott "i want to look liek that" he says "you just have to try harder" try harder? hes the only one that would say something like that and not "you look sick there" ... i looked good... its what society expects... i wishi was sick. thats right. i said it.
sick. fuck.
6 weeks fuck.
what to do. ugh...
my blanket smells like coffee.
i love coffee. i take it with skim and sugar.
i like to tan. i like the feeling after i work out.
i hate working out cuz i see all the mini people there...
i like coffee. i went grocery shopping and got some bomb stuff.
all good for me... dont worry. still trying to eat well... i decided something: no pizza cept for book club. no more eating like ill never eat again. no more. no more. i talked about bagels a lot. it happens... i undersatnd more and more why no more... merp.
i wish i had adderal. i wish i had more than one ambien left. i wish i had more kpins. i wish... i had it all.
on that note. i wish for a rest where i dont wake up in a sweat.
its all gravy. hollerback.