Here we go again.
I've only used this journal once to air my grievances, and now here's another story for you all two of you who read this blog.
Long story short: I live in France and I'm currently an English teaching assistant in one high school and one middle school. I live with three other assistants, and Italian, a Spaniard, and a Brit.
The Brit, let's call her Ella, criticizes EVERYTHING I do, like I'm some sort of second-class citizen or American redneck scum. Tonight, a bunch of us assistants in the area got together and had dinner and drinks. I finished a wine bottle; Ella pointed out that it was the Irish assistant's wine and that I should have asked her before finishing. I finally snapped, albeit tipsy, telling her, "You think I can't do anything right, can you? You think I'm some sort of mentally challenged inbred, don't you?" The others around me said, "Derp, it's no big deal. Calm down." I dismissed myself to my bathroom, where I immediately bawled my eyes out. I couldn't come back to the party with mascara rolling down my face. I didn't want to embarrass myself any further (I hate being *that* girl at a party), so I wiped the tears off my face, took a few deep breaths, and marched back into the room where the others were. I told them I was feeling tired and decided to go to bed (complete fucking lie. This was about 20 minutes ago as of this writing). I'm pretty sure all of them knew I left because I was upset, but I honestly felt about as welcome as a black man at a KKK rally in that moment. Regardless, they all said their goodbyes, but interesting enough, Ella was the only one who didn't say, "Good night." or "Sleep well." Psh.
It's been extremely difficult for me, ever since I was really little, to make friends. I keep asking the girls I live with if there's something wrong with me that prevents them from wanting to hang out with me, and they all say, "No, no. It's all in your head." But, to be quite honest, I think there really is something wrong with me. Like, I know it's shitty to have that one person that isn't involved in your plans because all of you hate them and purposefully exclude them, but jeez, if you don't like someone just tell them.
Long story short: I live in France and I'm currently an English teaching assistant in one high school and one middle school. I live with three other assistants, and Italian, a Spaniard, and a Brit.
The Brit, let's call her Ella, criticizes EVERYTHING I do, like I'm some sort of second-class citizen or American redneck scum. Tonight, a bunch of us assistants in the area got together and had dinner and drinks. I finished a wine bottle; Ella pointed out that it was the Irish assistant's wine and that I should have asked her before finishing. I finally snapped, albeit tipsy, telling her, "You think I can't do anything right, can you? You think I'm some sort of mentally challenged inbred, don't you?" The others around me said, "Derp, it's no big deal. Calm down." I dismissed myself to my bathroom, where I immediately bawled my eyes out. I couldn't come back to the party with mascara rolling down my face. I didn't want to embarrass myself any further (I hate being *that* girl at a party), so I wiped the tears off my face, took a few deep breaths, and marched back into the room where the others were. I told them I was feeling tired and decided to go to bed (complete fucking lie. This was about 20 minutes ago as of this writing). I'm pretty sure all of them knew I left because I was upset, but I honestly felt about as welcome as a black man at a KKK rally in that moment. Regardless, they all said their goodbyes, but interesting enough, Ella was the only one who didn't say, "Good night." or "Sleep well." Psh.
It's been extremely difficult for me, ever since I was really little, to make friends. I keep asking the girls I live with if there's something wrong with me that prevents them from wanting to hang out with me, and they all say, "No, no. It's all in your head." But, to be quite honest, I think there really is something wrong with me. Like, I know it's shitty to have that one person that isn't involved in your plans because all of you hate them and purposefully exclude them, but jeez, if you don't like someone just tell them.