boys boys boys... There will be NO FIGHTING..

[ilive4punk]

Well, hmm where do I begin.. Of course its about Lee and how madly I have fallen for him. The way he has complete control, and how he doesn't back down (which pisses me off at times) which leads me into recent events.. SO much has happened that i dont even know anymore. ::sigh:: i get so happy when i see his car when I walk to Nicoles.. such a crazy head.. I can't help but be honest with him, i dont think i have lied, i just never tell him..the whole story... I might be getting more time than expected with him cause his recruiter went on vacation doesn't get back till monday and he cant evalutate lee's tatoo till then anyway..(he got one removed from his neck).. He said that he would have to leave before the 21st but since they guy is gone, he's looking at possibly another week or so.. God I hope so, i can't picture saying good-bye.. not now at least. For those of you who dont know Lee is goin into the army, boot camp for nine weeks, one week back home then seven more weeks of some training or another, and then well where ever he wants to be stationed and he hopes for Iraq.. 2 years or something.. I dunno, but when i think about not seeing him my whole body goes numb and all i want to do is throw my arms around him and hug and kiss him and let him know that i will always be there.. I told him the other night that no matter what happens between me and him that i am glad we are friends, of course i had to explain myself cause thats how he is, and so i proceeded to say that if something was to become of us when he got back that that was cool too. I think he likes to hear me talk about how i feel for him, some kind of manly "dude she totally wants me" thing lol... No but seriously, he was thankful for that and he was happy that I am happy when we hangout. I let him know he was doin somehting right.. Oh yeah, when i was talking about something happening between me and him he was like "like what..: of course I had to explain and i said well if we "got closer" and we both giggled and he asked me "well what would happen or what if we did get closer.." My heart was at this point on the floor with excitement.. But I wanted to make it clear that i wasnt all about getting with him, and that i did like us being friends too.. God I dunno.. Long story short we argued about something (not getting into it) and i ended up saying "go fuck yourself" and apperently it really hurt him, which i didnt know but i was only defending how strongly i felt and we both got threatened by one another we talked it out and he repeated himself with "I like you Jess i really do, I like you as a friend.... ::pause of death:: I like you more than a friend" I couldn't even look him in the eye that night, but i wasnt goin to let my guard down and just give up how i felt. But i appologized and it all worked out and you know what I get.. a kiss on the cheek and a broken heart.. I dont know where this is all goin with him, but there are only two roads.. lets hope for the best..

Peace out and g'night..

"Keep and eye on the time butterfly" -my mom is so CUTE!