despair
i just spent the day waiting, calling, running around the neighborhood hoping to get cats. i got into the backyard of the abandoned house and saw the big grey cat, jueves. of course he bolted as soon as he saw me. the most discouraging thing of all is that the lot i saw them in last night is only accessible during the day til 4:30pm. a part of me is starting to give up on them ever being my cats again. i feel like even if i had lots of help(which i don't) i'll never have enough access to get to them if they don't want me to. i cried on the bus back to the place where i'm staying. going 2 crawl under a rock now.