just thinking
Walking to my car,befroe even being in my house I had to get the hell out of it. Same places, same people, same thing everyday is driving me crazy. I need to get the hell out of here. Sometimes I can't help but see abolutly nothing when I try and imagine whats out there but know I have to be their. It sadens me to know I don't even know what I'm missing out on. I've been stuck in California my whole life. I'm pretty sure alot of people feel this way but there gone to. And they'll come back and tell me all the things I'll never see because I'm stuck here like a kitten up a tree with my resonsabilities and fears too afraid to ever call off work or miss a week of school. And the only thing that keeps me going in that place is the fact that I'm allmost done with it. I defenantly need to get away this summer. And then when colledge starts I hope its better than this shit. I hope I get to learn the things I'm intressed in and its not too hard. If college is not what I ecspect I guess I'll just keep going crazy. This house and these walls and this roof just seem to cave in on me. I need to veiw the open sky and all has to give and forget about work and forget about school and forget about the emptieness I can't help but feel somtimes. I know nothing is perfect and i will have bad days and bad feelings like this and writing this helped alittle. I guess theirs allways something. Whether its painting or music or someone. And this morning I allready missed Bobby but its only ten days and i have all that time to think and live my life as normal and tell him all my thoughts if I can, because its allways been hard for me to talk to people. I love when the sun goes away, its a part of this California shit that make my insides hurt, fucking sun. I hate this place. but I love my freinds and most of these people are nice. I hope I'm as good as the people in Washington. Ok now I need to get my prioitys streight and do my senoir project or I'll never be free.