Birth Story
This is going to be really rambling sorry, it's taken me all day to write because I've been tending to Sophie.
Pregnancy:
I got pregnant on the 8th of Jan 2011 on our first cycle trying to conceive, using AI at home. I felt implantation around five days later and just knew it was a little girl who was called Sophie. Before that I had assumed I would have a boy as a lot of queer women have boys. I got a positive test on the 18th of Jan after an ambiguous shadow of a line at 7 days past ovulation.
I started to get sick at around six or seven weeks and was diagnosed with Hyperemesis gravidarum (HG) and had to go to hospital for rehydration and medication four times, one of those times I was admitted overnight. When I finally got a script for zofran (generic tablets, cheaper than dissolvables) that helped a lot but every time I tried to come off it I ended up back at the ER for hydration. Those ten weeks were absolutely horrible, I've never been that sick in my whole life and I have a chronic illness!
We had a dating scan at 9 weeks which confirmed my dates for my doctor who didn't believe in my charting abilities. I agreed to the scan due to being so sick, I wanted to know all was okay in there. We saw a beautiful little jelly bean baby with wiggling arms and legs.
At around ten weeks I was accepted as being low risk and able to deliver at the Birth Centre and at twelve weeks we had our anatomy scan which showed a healthy baby, so we announced to a few more people. At fourteen weeks (hiding my little belly) I went to my dad's wedding and then announced to everyone else including my dad and brother the next day.
I kept being sick until 19-20 weeks and was finally able to come off the zofran around the 20 week mark. I started having acupuncture which helped me feel better. I did end up having food aversions and some level of morning sickness the whole pregnancy, but it was bearable. I felt relatively good until I hurt my sacrum stumbling and then that was sore for the rest of my pregnancy. But apart from sore and tired I was well. We had a lovely Baby Shower at around 30weeks. I had a lot of osteopathy and massage to help my body out and that was great!
I got really bad reflux towards the end, some anxiety and sleep problems but listening to hypnobabies helped a lot.
A lot of people kept saying my belly was really small and that I looked five months pregnant at nine months pregnant which I didn't really like as it does make you stress a little, I guess like people telling a pregnant woman that their belly looks huge might worry that their baby will be huge.
Prelabour:
At 34weeks I started to go to osteopathy and acupuncture weekly. My acupuncturist does a pre-labour program to help get your body ready for birth. I also started using EPO orally and vaginally to help ripen my cervix and started taking Red Raspberry Leaf tea to help tone my uterus and make the Braxton Hicks contractions stronger. At 36w, 6 days I had four hours of pre labour from hurrying around the city changing my name. I think that would have been our six year anniversary or within a few days of that.
The contractions stopped when I got home and got into the bath which meant it wasn't the Real Thing. S got the birth centre bag packed that night though and we got the last things we needed from the shops as I was contracting. That happened again the following week, but didn't go anywhere again.
I started to think I would go to 42w and just hoped the pre labour stuff would help in the long run.
Transferred out of the birth centre:
At my 38w midwife appointment, it was determined that my fundal height was measuring too far behind and it hadn't grown in a few weeks. It had been slightly behind at the 36w appointment but not far enough to worry. It was recommended that I have an ultrasound to check on the baby. I had the scan and all the measurements showed a very small baby and fluid on the low side of normal. The blood flow was normal, heart rate was normal and fetal movement was normal. The OB who reviewed the scan recommended delivering or a c-section straight away. I called the birth centre and they had me come in and talk to one of the OBs who oversees the birth centre.
Everything started to get really shit that day. The OB we talked to on Friday night said we should go for a c-section on the Monday morning and we were given a diagnosis of IUGR (Intrauterine Growth Restriction). They said she was measuring 5 pounds and in the 3rd percentile and that she might not handle a normal birth, that my placenta wasn't feeding her. I asked about other options and they finally agreed to an induction on the Monday rather than a c-section. I asked about the risks and the OB said 'increased risk of death in utero', the famous 'dead baby card'. We got pretty much no further information about IUGR. We agreed to daily monitoring (Non-Stress Tests/ NST). We did more research and it appeared that Sophie didn't have IUGR, that she was just genetically small. I was small when I was born as was our co-parent and both his and my siblings. Between us we didn't have a family member who was above 7 pounds at birth.
Natural Induction:
The midwife on duty attempted a stretch and sweep but was unable to complete it as it hurt too much and my body wasn't ready enough. My Bishop's Score was 3 which means an induction would be unlikely to be favourable or work and the likelihood of a c-section if I went for an induction would have been high.
We decided to decline the induction set for Monday morning. On Sat or Sunday, I declined the induction and went in for testing. At one point I was told I was not risked out/ transferred out of the birth centre if I didn't induce or have a c-section (Induction is an automatic transfer). We decided to go ahead with as many natural induction techniques as we could over the weekend. On Sat my acupuncturist treated me but wouldn't use induction needles as the earliest she does them is 41 weeks, 40w in special circumstances. She gave me more information on acupressure and we did some moxa plus she gave me moxa to take home to use.
I can't remember if it was Sat or Sun but one day we 'failed' two of the NST for Sophie being too active which showed us that she was perfectly healthy. She was kicking the monitors so much, she obviously had a lot of energy to spare. The third NST that day was perfect as were all the other ones. They need to see movement and get an awake period and a sleep period on the monitors.
Sat and Sun, I drank a lot of RRL tea and did two sessions of breast-pumping (nipple stimulation, particularly with a pump can kick start contractions) and we did acupressure on all the induction points. I listened to my hypnobabies tracks with the added extra 'Come Out Baby' and 'Fear Release'.
26th Sept: Monday morning I had lots of missed calls from the birth centre saying the OB wanted to talk to me and what time I was coming in for my daily monitoring. I headed in on my own (S had been at all my previous monitoring times), feeling determined.
During my NSTing, a different OB came in and talked to me while I was pretty much strapped to the bed (you can't move much with the monitors on) and the OB was standing at the foot of the bed over me and it felt kind of powerless to be in my position. I said I was happy to continue the daily monitoring and have more scans if need be but that I would continue to decline an induction or c-section if my baby was continuing to pass all the tests with flying colours and I was experiencing lots of active movement and my intuition was saying it was okay to wait.
She wasn't happy with me, there was more 'increased risk of fetal death' and 'how long are you prepared to go with this?' and that kind of thing. I said until I was term at 40weeks, figuring that would buy us more time. She didn't believe me that the baby was just genetically small, she said the baby should be at least 6.5 pounds. She said that the abdomen measurement was indicating that the baby wasn't being fed, something the OB on the Friday hadn't mentioned. She then sent me down for another ultrasound.
The ultrasound technician was an asshole and he overstepped boundaries so much with me. He said I should just do what the doctors said and all kinds of things that REALLY weren't his place or his job to make. He wouldn't take the measurements that needed to be double checked and then said that the baby was doing fine, that the water was much higher than the previous week's scan (I had been dehydrated on the Friday and drank 3l of water before the second scan). I went back upstairs and was told I was now considered high risk and would have to deliver in the regular maternal ward and be on continuous monitoring and no water birth. I was bawling with the midwives in the birth centre, it was so upsetting. And then I started to doubt myself.
When S got home, we talked more and did more acupressure and I listened to more hypnobabies. Neither of us slept well 27th Sept: In the morning I was saying things like 'why can't my body just do one thing right, like feed a baby?' We decided we would go and talk with the OBs more about having an induction in the next few days.
Mind-body Connection! Labour Begins!
After that conversation, I got up to have a shower and my waters broke on the floor. I called S to look and then got in the shower. More waters were leaking and they were slightly blood tinged which is a good healthy sign. Talk about the mind-body connection! :D
I called the birth centre and they said I needed to come in straight away to be put on the monitors and to go to the maternal section not the lovely birth centre. I had pictured labouring at home as long as possible and a very painful car-ride.
We got our last few things and drove to the hospital. I had some porridge for breakfast, I normally have coffee and toast. I had some minor contractions on the way and called our co-parent to meet us there. When we got there, we got so confused as to where to go. The maternal section sent us up to a monitoring room which was horrible, it was just arm-chairs and monitors with cubicles separated by curtains. There were other people in there. I didn't feel happy or safe and was so confused as to why we were there and not in the delivery suites. I was found to be having irregular contractions every 5-10 minutes or so (I can't remember), not in active labour. I sent S to the birth centre to try and find out what was going on as I knew I wouldn't be going home without a baby being considered high risk.
She couldn't find any of our birth centre midwives. I kept asking the woman running the weird chair-monitoring room to call Helen as she knew what was going on. She was a bit of a crabby person. We felt pretty abandoned. My waters broke more dramatically all over myself and the chair and I wasn't happy. My contractions were getting more intense and I was SO uncomfortable in that stupid chair. Sophie was sleepy on the monitors so I had some ice-water.
Finally we managed to get through to someone who said we could move to delivery suite. One of the nice midwives who works in the birth centre said 'put her in that room' and finally I felt better. I was given the room that was meant for Birth Centre transfers or overflow when their rooms are full. The room was very similar to the birth centre rooms minus the bath. It still had a double bed and private bathroom but was a bit more hospital-link with mint walls and a dumb floral painting I remember commenting on. The birth centre has empowering things about birth up on the walls which I would have preferred to a floral painting.
I was put on the monitors and was still able to move around a little but it was hard. My contractions were painful but I could get through them by sitting on the toilet or birthing ball. Somewhere around this point C, our co-parent arrived. I was still cheerful at that point.
Sophie was showing up with an abnormal heart-rate on the monitors, she wasn't having the variations of sleepy and awake, she was just sleepy. I said, well, I'll just have something to eat and drink and sent S to get me some chocolate. I wanted a flake I think, something crumbly. She came back and the OB came in and said 'no food and minimal drink' and my heart sank. I knew they were getting me set for an emergency c-section with that restriction (the birth centre encourages food and drink). They said they would give me an IV with glucose and the OB gave me the IV. I made sure he wasn't a student before letting him insert the IV.
I knew Sophie's heart would pick up if I ate and drank. I drank some of S's coffee when the doctor wasn't in the room. At this point I quickly posted to my due date forum on Fertility Friend. I spoke to my mum briefly and started receiving text messages from people asking how I was as a few people had known we were getting pushed towards an induction/c-section. I got annoyed by the messages and turned my phone onto airplane mode to stop any more messages.
By that point I was hungry, thirsty and a bit annoyed by all the interruptions. I kept putting my hypnobabies tracks on on my iPhone with my earphones in and trying to get in my birthing zone. Every time I put my headphones in, there was another person coming in the door and checking on the monitor. The door was really loud. I would pause and restart the track. I think this was around lunch time I guess.
My contractions started getting more intense and I wasn't prepared for just how bad my back labour would be.
Sophie's heart started to look better on the monitors and had more variance at some point. I kept asking if she was okay between contractions.
My back pain started to get really intense and I couldn't handle it. I tried kneeling on the bed with the bed raised and that helped for a while. I hated the monitors around my belly and I started to rip them off during contractions as they made it worse. I wanted pressure on my back but couldn't figure out where I needed the pressure and I also didn't want to be touched. So I was pushing on my own sacrum from this point til pretty much the end of the birth.
At some point, which was probably during the start of active labour, I started losing my ability to cope. My midwife offered sterile water injections which are meant to help with back labour pretty much instantly but feel like a bee-sting. I was nervous about them but we decided to try them. It was a big mistake for me as they were excruciating. Two midwives did them. I screamed so loud and was telling them to stop the whole time. They were meant to put four in, but I think they only got three in. It did help my back labour a bit but it wasn't worth it. It was more painful for those few seconds than the whole labour and I screamed the most during that time than the whole rest of the time.
The midwife said I needed to be checked and as cervical checks hurt me SO much I was trying to get out of being checked, but it's hospital policy to be checked after four hours, so that would make it around 2.30pm. They offered me the nitrous oxide gas to get through the check, so I took it. I chose to use the nitrous oxide gas as it doesn't affect the baby at all. I was deemed as being in active labour at this check; five cm dilated and 'paper-thin'. The check was horrible.
I got really high from the gas and was pretty happy for a while. I said that the gas was better than I got at the dentist. It helped me relax through the contractions and care less about them, but I could still feel the pain. S, C and I were joking around a bit at this point and things were actually kind of fun for a little while. I had them turn up her heart-beat sounds on the monitor which reassured me that she was fine.
The pain got worse and worse until it felt like my bones were breaking with every contraction and I was screaming. At around 4pm I started asking for drugs. S suggested I was in transition but as I'd just had a check the midwife thought I wouldn't be quite there yet. I asked a few times how much longer I had to go and that I needed to know she wasn't far away, that I couldn't cope if it was going to be hours and hours longer. The midwife said it could still be a few more hours. I said I needed an epidural. The midwife and S talked to me for quite a while saying I didn't want one and we discussed if we should try morphine or the 'big guns', the epidural. I asked which would be better for the baby and they steered me towards the morphine injection as it leaves your system quickly, plus you are more able to push and they knew I didn't want one.
The morphine injection didn't really help much at all with the pain, maybe not at all, but it did make me go to sleep between every contraction. So I was screaming during the contraction then snoring and trying to suck on the gas during the contractions.
The monitor started to pick up my heart-beat instead of Sophie's and the OB came in and had to put an internal monitor on Sophie's head.
I asked for an epidural again and said S was a 'meanie for not letting me get an epidural'. We then ordered the epidural and I was told I needed to have it then as the anaesthesiologist was about to go home for the day.
The monitor started to pick up my heart-beat instead of Sophie's and the OB came in and had to put an internal monitor on Sophie's head. I was told I was 7cm dilated. I was scared of the monitor but it wasn't horrible like I imagined.
The anaesthesiologist came to the door and I was told I'd have to move rooms as they can't give it to you in the double bed room. That sounded like a bad idea, moving anywhere!
S got them to hold off and I had a contraction or two where I screamed less. I had started to feel my body bare down on it's own and it felt so good, it was so much of a relief compared to before. This was the end of transition. I said no to the epidural and he/she went home.
6pm: I told the midwife my body was pushing on it's own and she said I needed to wait a bit longer and to not push. I was just baring down with my contractions, I couldn't help it. They realised Sophie was moving down and okayed my pushing/ baring down. I put on my hypnobabies track for 'Pushing Baby Out' but I played it on speaker as earphones were way too hard. S tells me that they could see the very start of her head during contractions as I was pushing. I was asking if she had hair.
Quite soon after that Sophie started having heart decelerations with the contractions so they had me move from off all fours. I really didn't want to move. The OB and the paediatrician came in at some point as they still thought she was IUGR and might need special care. They helped flip me over onto my side which I was unhappy about and it caused Sophie's decelerations to be worse, so they put me on my back. The midwife put a rolled up towel under my hips and a midwife and our co-parent held my legs right up.
I was told we really needed to get her out quickly due to the heart-rate decelerations. Her heart wasn't dropping too badly and it was recovering after every contraction so it wasn't too serious, but it was still important to get her out. My midwife recommended an episiotomy and I said no and asked if she had scissors as she was down between my legs. I really did not want to be cut. S reassured me that she was holding a warm compress instead and she determined I could stretch a little bit more and be able to get Sophie out without the cut.
Around that time the midwife said I could try feeling for her head so I did. It was so awesome and gave me that last bit of energy and resolve to push her out. I felt the head a few times and it was amazing! Pushing was tough but was the absolute best part of labour, I loved it. When the head came out it burned but I didn't care and I felt her head again. My midwife helped Sophie turn as she came the rest of the way out on the next contraction. I had been pushing for an hour and a half.
It was 7.17pm and Sophie was born. My midwife and S passed her up to me and she cried quietly. I think I just looked and looked at her for a while and maybe asked if she was healthy. I heard my midwife say 'she's not growth restricted'. I said at some point, 'is she still a girl?' and I looked and she was.
Sophie was so alert and started looking for the breast straight away. We had our beautiful breast-crawl that I think S has on video (hopefully). We tried breast-feeding a little, but I think the cord was too short, but I think she was able to have a little bit (this is all a bit blurry!). We waited for the cord to stop pulsing which took quite a while and then our co-parent cut the cord. I think we breast-fed a little then. My placenta still hadn't come out after an hour and a half so my midwife got me out of bed and onto the toilet where it came out very easily.
I was then stitched up, I had a second degree tear. I had a local anaesthetic and more gas for that. I couldn't feel pain during that but I did feel the tugging of the stitches.
I felt really fantastic after the birth and was up showering after a bit more of a cuddle. At some point S and C sent out announcements and made a few phone calls while I hugged Sophie more. I had a shower and we were transferred back to the birth centre. I was dying for a pizza so S went out and got us some. Sophie was weighed and measured when S was gone and we gave her a cup feed of my colostrum as she was a bit too sleepy to latch and they were a bit worried. I'm so glad they are a Baby Friendly Hospital and promote breast-feeding so strongly. I think I might have called my parents at some point, I can't remember.
When C went home, S and I went online for a little while, I think I updated LJ at some point. There was a lot of cuddling and staring at Sophie. We dozed a little bit but I kept waking up in a panic to check on Sophie. After a while I just brought her into bed with me.
The next day my dad and his wife visited in the morning and then S's and C's immediate family visited. I got overwhelmed and cried and they all left. We were given the option to stay another night as Sophie was so little and we had delivered at night (normal stay is 24hrs). We decided to stay and enjoy the birth centre. It may have been this night that I updated LJ, I'm really not sure! I burned my beautiful essential oils I had bought to use during the labour and we relaxed and enjoyed Sophie.
The next morning we went home, I napped while S picked up my mum from the airport and then we went shopping and out for dinner. And I think you all know the rest!
I think I have more processing to do around the birth, but I am really happy we chose midwife-led care and I know their hands were tied by hospital policy when we got that diagnosis, even though it was incorrect. I do wish the OBs had listened to me when I said she was just genetically small. I am very glad we declined the induction and c-section even though it was hard and I am glad I was able to not have interventions. I did chose the pain medication but I do wonder if I had been able to be in the water, have an active minimally monitored birth if I would have been able to not use the medication. I might still have needed the pain medication. I know I wouldn't have gone to the birth centre until much later in labour, I probably would have gotten to the centre in transition, or at least strong active labour.
I don't believe Sophie was ever at any risk with her heart rate decels and I am glad I listened to my body and intuition in all this. I obviously would have gone with the interventions had she been at risk. So while I am disappointed I didn't have a peaceful water-birth with less interruptions, I am happy with the birth as well. S was an amazing labour support and it was really nice to have our co-parent with us too. He helped me drink iced water between pretty much every contraction and held my leg during pushing. S emotionally and physically supported me the whole time and helped me not have that epidural. She told me Sophie was okay and talked me through. It was hard to decline the interventions but I feel empowered about doing so. And we have the most beautiful daughter, she is so wonderful!
We got our spontaneous vaginal birth with no drug augmentation, no episiotomy and no c-section, our delayed cord clamping, natural placental delivery, breast-crawl, immediate skin-on-skin contact for hours, no formula supplementation and Sophie was never taken from my arms or out of our room the whole stay. All this was really important to me.