my spot

[ilikered]

i need to eat dinner. its 8:40 and i don't want to cook in this strange kitchen where nothing is mine. all i have are beans and rice and pasta stuff anyway. i miss beulahland. i could go sit in the dark there and eat something cheap and cozy and drink until i feel more cheery and then take a short walk home. but... i'm way up here and its too chilly for a long walk and it would take an hour anyway. i could take a bus. what i should do is find a new spot up here but i don't want to. not tonight. i just don't have it in me. i want familiarity and comfort and old habits. i want to be valuable enough to get a free sushi dinner on the company dime because i'm there to work late with everyone else that does the 'real' work. then i wouldn't be here feeling shitty and starving and tired and too sad to do anything productive.

yes. i am pathetic. and unreasonable. i know this.

but i scrubbed greasy footprints out of the rug today. booked some goddamn flights. ordered some fucking office supplies. did the motherfucking dishes

fuck this shit. i'm going to beulahland.