The Christmas Blues - an answer
I had an epiphany today. I was sitting down for lunch, talking to my placement colleagues. Somehow we got onto Christmas. I was burning for an opportunity to declair my hatred for the festive season and I saw an opening and took it. I gave my reasons of it being nothing but a bitter reminder of what I had lost. My resentment at my parents for never transitioning me into 'adult' life, virtually leaving me hanging and made to figure my own way out.
Through our conversation it dawned on me that what also hurts is that my parents never adjusted to our new found life. We dragged our old traditions with us, and although the notion of 'tradition' isn't lost on me none of us ever adjusted and changed what we did to fit with our surroundings. It seems to me like we are clinging onto something long gone, with such vehement desperation.
Unable to let go of the dream and perhaps wish to return to something which can never be regained. And I never thought of it in that way. I always presumed that something was wrong with me and solely me. But no, surely I am but a mirror of the feelings which resonate through the whole family.
We have unresolved issues.
But this makes it easier to understand, and lets me prepare and look forward to creating my own traditions with my own family, whenever that day comes.
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