The Plus and Minus
Late night LJ posts seem to have become the staple diet recently. Maybe that's what's keeping the incontinence away. Hmmm. Oh shush... I jest.
I've been watching House MD since 4pm and it is now a fair bit past midnight, so excuse me. I've been imprinted with .... well... I think anyone who knows the show can guess.
I didn't mention that Legato has a heap more space now, which is very good for me. Can you believe that the harddrive I got replaced was only 20Gig? It's laughable in computer terms now. I got a 160gig in now, which was the smallest you can get. So all up I have about 360gig of usable space. Compared to what I have been putting up with it is like moving from a lavatory to a pretty damn large two story house, which I don't have to share with anyone. I have all this spaaaaaaaaaaaace and not enough furniture to fill it with. It's grand. Legato seems to be loading faster which is a good sign. But I'm still skeptical about him.
I managed to make one of my friends cry because I was concerned about her and tried to force feed her chocolate. Does anyone else see a few problems with this scenario? She's alright though. But man it was weird. Please note... when in my presence don't refuse my generosity of chocolate, ever.
But getting to the self centered heart of this whole post. I was reading a book and found an interesting thing in one of its chapters many, many months ago. I strongly identified with it. Does anyone find the notion of not being able to accept compliments weird? The very best example I can come up with is when I was dating Alex. He flooded me with compliments, and not a single one of them meant a thing to me. Comments about how wonderful I was, what an amazing person I am, and in particular the word 'beautiful'. That word makes me cringe, in all honesty. It is one of the biggest 'bullshit' words to be ever directed at me. I thought he was full of shit and I still do. I don't agree with people throwing around positive reinforcements; sending out good vibes and words of encouragement to such an excessive scale. They either mean nothing to me or make me really uncomfortable. That being said I got three compliments on my hair this week so far, and one of them was from the lunch lady, lol! She's cool :p Positive encouragement doesn't amount to a hill of beans for me. Which means I go for the negative comments. It doesn't matter what you said, in what context and situation. If it was negative I will remember it. It's not something I consciously mull over like an obsessive compulsive. Yet on some occasions, out of the blue, I will remember what a total stranger said to me, or how they looked at me, or how they treated me, if it was in a negative way. Negativity sticks with me. I have little room for niceties. I will not remember a nice comment. I will not remember a compliment the next week. These things aren't valued by me. Again, this isn't a conscious choice, it is just an observation I have made. I guess this is why creative criticism is so important, particularly for me. I can't work with nicety and wishy washy crap. To me nice words are so utterly devoid of meaning. On the opposite side though when I give out nice words I do mean them. They just don't apply when directed towards me. I am also very much against how overused the word 'love' is. In the end it still means nothing. Its overuse depreciates its intrinsic meaning and value. It gets worn out and becomes just like any other word in the English language. So the point is.... mean words carry more weight. Perhaps that's because, when you do hang around the right people, negative things are kept down so you don't grow so weary of them. Also, when people are being mean to you they have to have a reason. And that reason, discovering if it was indeed some unbiased opinion or observation upon my personal self, is invaluable. It can lead to self improvement. It can lead to validating yourself. I deem anything that gets you to look at yourself in a different light, and make you more self-aware is a good, positive thing. So... I think this sort of validates itself then.
It's really late now. I might go read. I love not having Uni in the morning. I love sleeping in.
Take Me Out.mp3 - Anna Tsuchiya
It's been a long long day
Sunshine breaking through the clouds & watching me
I was sitting in the park
I was waiting for someone to take me out
Sacrifice comes in a different package
I'm tired of living with pain
Take me out
Hatred is blind as well as love
You have to turn hate to love
Get me out
From this world of anger and rage
You will find your way to heaven
I promise that I'll meet you when you're there
It's been a long long trip
Sunshine is setting in the west & crying
I was walking by the stream
I was conscious that strangers are staring at me
Don't look at me with hateful eyes
I'm tired of living with pain
Take me out
Too many tears stroked on my cheek
No more tears with regret
Get me out
From this world of anger and rage
You will find your way to heaven
I promise I'll meet you when you're there
I heard too many people were crying for help
God forgive sins
Otherwise heaven would be empty
So wash away your grimy hands
Take me out
Hatred is blind as well as love
You have to turn hate to love
Get me out
From this world of anger and rage
You will find your way to heaven
I promise that I'll meet you when you're there
I've been watching House MD since 4pm and it is now a fair bit past midnight, so excuse me. I've been imprinted with .... well... I think anyone who knows the show can guess.
I didn't mention that Legato has a heap more space now, which is very good for me. Can you believe that the harddrive I got replaced was only 20Gig? It's laughable in computer terms now. I got a 160gig in now, which was the smallest you can get. So all up I have about 360gig of usable space. Compared to what I have been putting up with it is like moving from a lavatory to a pretty damn large two story house, which I don't have to share with anyone. I have all this spaaaaaaaaaaaace and not enough furniture to fill it with. It's grand. Legato seems to be loading faster which is a good sign. But I'm still skeptical about him.
I managed to make one of my friends cry because I was concerned about her and tried to force feed her chocolate. Does anyone else see a few problems with this scenario? She's alright though. But man it was weird. Please note... when in my presence don't refuse my generosity of chocolate, ever.
But getting to the self centered heart of this whole post. I was reading a book and found an interesting thing in one of its chapters many, many months ago. I strongly identified with it. Does anyone find the notion of not being able to accept compliments weird? The very best example I can come up with is when I was dating Alex. He flooded me with compliments, and not a single one of them meant a thing to me. Comments about how wonderful I was, what an amazing person I am, and in particular the word 'beautiful'. That word makes me cringe, in all honesty. It is one of the biggest 'bullshit' words to be ever directed at me. I thought he was full of shit and I still do. I don't agree with people throwing around positive reinforcements; sending out good vibes and words of encouragement to such an excessive scale. They either mean nothing to me or make me really uncomfortable. That being said I got three compliments on my hair this week so far, and one of them was from the lunch lady, lol! She's cool :p Positive encouragement doesn't amount to a hill of beans for me. Which means I go for the negative comments. It doesn't matter what you said, in what context and situation. If it was negative I will remember it. It's not something I consciously mull over like an obsessive compulsive. Yet on some occasions, out of the blue, I will remember what a total stranger said to me, or how they looked at me, or how they treated me, if it was in a negative way. Negativity sticks with me. I have little room for niceties. I will not remember a nice comment. I will not remember a compliment the next week. These things aren't valued by me. Again, this isn't a conscious choice, it is just an observation I have made. I guess this is why creative criticism is so important, particularly for me. I can't work with nicety and wishy washy crap. To me nice words are so utterly devoid of meaning. On the opposite side though when I give out nice words I do mean them. They just don't apply when directed towards me. I am also very much against how overused the word 'love' is. In the end it still means nothing. Its overuse depreciates its intrinsic meaning and value. It gets worn out and becomes just like any other word in the English language. So the point is.... mean words carry more weight. Perhaps that's because, when you do hang around the right people, negative things are kept down so you don't grow so weary of them. Also, when people are being mean to you they have to have a reason. And that reason, discovering if it was indeed some unbiased opinion or observation upon my personal self, is invaluable. It can lead to self improvement. It can lead to validating yourself. I deem anything that gets you to look at yourself in a different light, and make you more self-aware is a good, positive thing. So... I think this sort of validates itself then.
It's really late now. I might go read. I love not having Uni in the morning. I love sleeping in.
Take Me Out.mp3 - Anna Tsuchiya
It's been a long long day
Sunshine breaking through the clouds & watching me
I was sitting in the park
I was waiting for someone to take me out
Sacrifice comes in a different package
I'm tired of living with pain
Take me out
Hatred is blind as well as love
You have to turn hate to love
Get me out
From this world of anger and rage
You will find your way to heaven
I promise that I'll meet you when you're there
It's been a long long trip
Sunshine is setting in the west & crying
I was walking by the stream
I was conscious that strangers are staring at me
Don't look at me with hateful eyes
I'm tired of living with pain
Take me out
Too many tears stroked on my cheek
No more tears with regret
Get me out
From this world of anger and rage
You will find your way to heaven
I promise I'll meet you when you're there
I heard too many people were crying for help
God forgive sins
Otherwise heaven would be empty
So wash away your grimy hands
Take me out
Hatred is blind as well as love
You have to turn hate to love
Get me out
From this world of anger and rage
You will find your way to heaven
I promise that I'll meet you when you're there