weepy
I've been crying and overly emotional since last night. It's not a bad thing, especially when you hear what I've been weeping about.
Mostly unimportant things.
Last night I watched the series final of Sensitive Skin. It is a british drama/comedy thing. I have a very hard time describing this show. It has Joanna Lumley in it, always a plus :D. It is about this old married couple Davina and Al Jackson and how their lives basically aren't great. It is set in London which helps with the dreary mood. The dialogue is witty and this is where the humour, as dark as it may be at times, comes from. I honetly can't remember if I wrote anything about Sensitive Skin prior to this, hmm. Anyway... The way I sum up this show in my head is 'elegant'. There is a quiet beauty about it, and it is certainly infused with some massive bitter sweet-ness.
The series finale was in a word, powerful. Really emotional and real. Words cannot describe the sheer beauty of it. The acting was top notch and I could empathise greatly. It had me thinking about life from a different perspective. It had me terrified of getting old. I was left with an inexplicable sense of nostalgia
I adore Sensitive Skin.
The other reasons for me weeping like a baby can be accounted for by the fact that I played Xenosaga Episode III and afterwards watched Battlestar Galactica.
Xenosaga... where to even begin...
Oh I know. A spoiler LJ-cut :D
I was trudging through Abels Ark. For one, the music is exquisite. The various orbs were great fun to traverse through and the monsters were annoying. I got such tremendous satisfaction from defeating Dimitri Yuriev. Oh yeah... I felt so good because it was rather a difficult battle. There is always a fine line between healing yourself and attacking. Bosses who inflict status changes are my pet peeves. On one hand you have to heal yourself and on the other if you spend each turn healing you can never do damage. Juggling between the two is an art. An art that this Ilien is most prevalent in. After defeating Yuriev was the most awesome moment in the game thus far. Albedo rocked up and was talking to Jr. about stuff. And then Nigredo woke up and told Jr. to kill him and set an end to Yuriev's madness. The conversation that followed between Jr. and Albedo regarding Nigredo that had me laughing, until I realised that this was a very serious matter which I should be crying over.
Albedo: Get a hold of yourself. You're the leader, remember? He's
contaminated by U-DO. Did you forget? We have the power to
neutralize him.
Jr.: But if we do that, we'll--
Albedo: Don't underestimate my power. I'll send him into another
dimension. Sorry, Nigredo. I'm going to use your body. Once
we start the link, go inside Rubedo before you lose your
body. I'll take care of the rest.
Jr.: Albedo, are you planning to leave me again?!
Albedo: Oh, stop crying. Like I said before, I hate both of you.
There's no time. Begin!
*snortles*
Then it got really sad though. Nigredo surprised us all and jumped from Yuriev to Albedo, forcing Albedo's conscious out of his own body and into Jr's.
Nigredo: Rubedo. That is your true form. You see, I was created to
observe the two of you. The only reason why I existed was
to kill you. I tried to abandon that duty, but that would
have meant that I was denying my own existence. I... I was
afraid of being separated from the two of you. Albedo knew
from the beginning, that I was nothing more than a danger
to you. I know that I never should have existed in this
world to begin with.
Jr.: Nigredo! That's not true! We were friends, remember?
Nigredo: My duty to keep watch over you is over. No, I want it to be
over.
Nigredo: I'm not saying goodbye. Let's play together again sometime.
Until then, take care, Rubedo, Albedo...
Jr.: Nigredo!
Albedo: He put on a one-man show and ran off by himself. You pissed
me off to the very end, Nigredo.
Jr.: Albedo...
*cries a damn river* It may not sound very moving in script but the atmosphere, the music, the voice acting... Crispin Freeman did a bloody awesome job as Nigredo and Albedo. It all just went down brilliantly. And so Jr's arch comes to a close.
Another massive spoiler though is that Heinlein was Wilhelm all along. I really can't say that I was surprised that much. If I think about it, I was shocked, excited but somewhere in me a little 'I thought so' popped up. For some reason as soon as Heinlein was introduced I felt some connection to Wilhelm. Maybe it was name association? I don't know.
It's kinda like this moment that Shion had... which was also one of the finest Narrative pieces, if you ask me.
I found out the name of the individual who was in
a lead position at that time in the management office. When
I saw the name, Suou Uzuki-- I felt nothing. No surprise,
no sadness, and no anger. To be honest, I felt nothing at
all. Somewhere in my heart, I think that I must have
expected it. All I could feel was a sense of resignation,
knowing that the inevitable had finally come to pass. And,
I decided to quit my job at Vector. The friends I made
there, and KOS-MOS... were the only bonds I had linking me
to Kevin, but I couldn't stand being there any longer.
Maybe I did it to atone for all of the victims. Maybe it
was to strike back at my late father, who had abandoned my
mother. No, it wasn't for either of those reasons. It was
probably that I--
I am amazed that Wilhelm holds so much power. When he was talking about setting ther stage he sure as hell wasn't kidding. Looks like he planned it all. Every minute detail. And he said something truely shocking and upsetting.
Wilhelm: You probably don't know the origin of Ormus, so I shall
tell you. Ormus was born approximately 6,000 years ago. It
began from the death of the man you worship as your Lord.
Officially, it existed to convey the man's existence to
coming generations. But its true purpose... was to manage
the "words" he passed on. The program you call Lemegeton
is, in fact, those words. It's a failsafe installed by God
that can cause this universe to dissipate. Though it
appears the man you call your Lord didn't know that. Of
course that was to be expected, for those were the words of
Yeshua. To protect the universe from dissipation, I created
an organization to manage and watch over those words.
That's Ormus's true objective. Not just the words, but also
the artifacts of God, passed down from ancient times. All
of them are beyond human control.
O.M.F.G! If that says what I think does... does that make chaos a bad person? We know chaos is Yeshua. 'Chaos and Order' have been mentioned many times. If Yeshua is chaos than Wilhelm must be order. Wilhelm's duty is to protect the system. Order is a good thing, and if everything is going belly up right now it can be assumed that the system set up should continue to function to set things straight. But Yeshua... he exists to destroy the Universe? Surely it cannot be. chaos' words about one thought changing the world are floating about. Through chaos a new world can be found. Through Shion and KOS-MOS, through the destruction of this preset order, a new world can be forged. Please... I hope they mean that. I refuse to believe that chaos would be responsible to destroying the Universe if it didn't mean a better outcome, a revival and renewal.
Here's somethign to backup that little theory, from much earlier in the game.
Nephilim: I knew I wouldn't be able to tell her.
chaos: I know.
Nephilim: The truth is too hard for Shion right now. If she let it
pass without knowing, it would be so much easier.
chaos: Learning the truth doesn't always lead to happiness. They
might even be better off if they live without it. But
sometimes, the truth seeks you out. I think the fact that
Shion is here is telling us that. She must learn the truth.
Nephilim: Maybe so. But it's only a matter of time before Shion's
heart and body are--
chaos: What if that's inevitable? My existence and yours... may be
an inevitable part of this world where all things flow to a
certain point. If our reason for existing is that we are
meant to exist--
Nephilim: I don't think there's only a single future. A single human
thought can change the world. You're the one who taught
people that.
chaos: What I can do is limited. I still don't even know how I
should use this power. Why am I allowed to exist?
Nephilim: chaos...
chaos: I want to believe in the existence of order born from
discord. That's why I'm with them.
That little speech that Wilhelm gave was so informative, it was the biggest chunk of information relating to what is going on in the bigger scheme of things, that we've gotten probably since the beginning of the game. Finally answeres are coming to light, even if we don't like the truths of which they speak.
So that is what I was crying about. And then... then I decided to watch Battlestar.
Exodus part 2 was awesome! From what's his name having to kill his wife, all the way to finding out that Kara really didn't have a daughter. Do you know how very glad I am about the no daughter thing? VERY! But backtracking to the rescue plan... When the Galactica plumetted towards the planet and then Jumped out of there before hitting the ground... that. was. so. COOL! It was uber cool! I got really teary when everyone was back onboard the Galactica. It was such a moving scene, knowing that they all knew they were safe again and free from Cylon oppression. It was beautiful to see people being together after a long time apart. It was so moving because everyone was so happy and yet there were heavy losses. They gained their freedom, which is a great deal, but they lost so very much too. One loss I am VERY happy about is Admiral Adamas mustache. I was INCREDIBLY happy to see him shave that off. You should have seen me, laughing through a stream of tears. Oh yeah.
And so I am sitting here, listening to Xenosaga III music, dabbing at my eyes because I started crying again as I was writing all of this up, hehe!
I am royally fucked for my essay because I don't know what my line of argumant is about. Sigh. Cannot possibly wait for these holidays to rock up.
And now is the point where I need some real self control. I need to finish this essay relatively soon, but I know that Ziggy/Voyager backstory is just around the corner in Xenosaga. And I love Ziggy so, so very much because he is so admirable and... has such an angsty past. My heart bleeds for him. And... and I noticed that in games I tend to like the guys, or girls ;) who do the most physical damage. Auron, Ziggy, Paine, Lavitz/Albert. I like physical pain better than magic. It's fun to hit things!
I've decided to upload this track once again... I think I uploaded it once before at least. This theme is played throughout Xenosaga III. It is so very lovely and whenever I hear it in game I need to take a moment, pause, and absorbe.
Hepatica(Kos-Mos).mp3 11.9MB
Only a few more days... ok, maybe a week... before I get to see Crispin Freeman! SWISH! He's my voice actor hero, aside from Johnny Young Bosh XD
Mostly unimportant things.
Last night I watched the series final of Sensitive Skin. It is a british drama/comedy thing. I have a very hard time describing this show. It has Joanna Lumley in it, always a plus :D. It is about this old married couple Davina and Al Jackson and how their lives basically aren't great. It is set in London which helps with the dreary mood. The dialogue is witty and this is where the humour, as dark as it may be at times, comes from. I honetly can't remember if I wrote anything about Sensitive Skin prior to this, hmm. Anyway... The way I sum up this show in my head is 'elegant'. There is a quiet beauty about it, and it is certainly infused with some massive bitter sweet-ness.
The series finale was in a word, powerful. Really emotional and real. Words cannot describe the sheer beauty of it. The acting was top notch and I could empathise greatly. It had me thinking about life from a different perspective. It had me terrified of getting old. I was left with an inexplicable sense of nostalgia
I adore Sensitive Skin.
The other reasons for me weeping like a baby can be accounted for by the fact that I played Xenosaga Episode III and afterwards watched Battlestar Galactica.
Xenosaga... where to even begin...
Oh I know. A spoiler LJ-cut :D
I was trudging through Abels Ark. For one, the music is exquisite. The various orbs were great fun to traverse through and the monsters were annoying. I got such tremendous satisfaction from defeating Dimitri Yuriev. Oh yeah... I felt so good because it was rather a difficult battle. There is always a fine line between healing yourself and attacking. Bosses who inflict status changes are my pet peeves. On one hand you have to heal yourself and on the other if you spend each turn healing you can never do damage. Juggling between the two is an art. An art that this Ilien is most prevalent in. After defeating Yuriev was the most awesome moment in the game thus far. Albedo rocked up and was talking to Jr. about stuff. And then Nigredo woke up and told Jr. to kill him and set an end to Yuriev's madness. The conversation that followed between Jr. and Albedo regarding Nigredo that had me laughing, until I realised that this was a very serious matter which I should be crying over.
Albedo: Get a hold of yourself. You're the leader, remember? He's
contaminated by U-DO. Did you forget? We have the power to
neutralize him.
Jr.: But if we do that, we'll--
Albedo: Don't underestimate my power. I'll send him into another
dimension. Sorry, Nigredo. I'm going to use your body. Once
we start the link, go inside Rubedo before you lose your
body. I'll take care of the rest.
Jr.: Albedo, are you planning to leave me again?!
Albedo: Oh, stop crying. Like I said before, I hate both of you.
There's no time. Begin!
*snortles*
Then it got really sad though. Nigredo surprised us all and jumped from Yuriev to Albedo, forcing Albedo's conscious out of his own body and into Jr's.
Nigredo: Rubedo. That is your true form. You see, I was created to
observe the two of you. The only reason why I existed was
to kill you. I tried to abandon that duty, but that would
have meant that I was denying my own existence. I... I was
afraid of being separated from the two of you. Albedo knew
from the beginning, that I was nothing more than a danger
to you. I know that I never should have existed in this
world to begin with.
Jr.: Nigredo! That's not true! We were friends, remember?
Nigredo: My duty to keep watch over you is over. No, I want it to be
over.
Nigredo: I'm not saying goodbye. Let's play together again sometime.
Until then, take care, Rubedo, Albedo...
Jr.: Nigredo!
Albedo: He put on a one-man show and ran off by himself. You pissed
me off to the very end, Nigredo.
Jr.: Albedo...
*cries a damn river* It may not sound very moving in script but the atmosphere, the music, the voice acting... Crispin Freeman did a bloody awesome job as Nigredo and Albedo. It all just went down brilliantly. And so Jr's arch comes to a close.
Another massive spoiler though is that Heinlein was Wilhelm all along. I really can't say that I was surprised that much. If I think about it, I was shocked, excited but somewhere in me a little 'I thought so' popped up. For some reason as soon as Heinlein was introduced I felt some connection to Wilhelm. Maybe it was name association? I don't know.
It's kinda like this moment that Shion had... which was also one of the finest Narrative pieces, if you ask me.
I found out the name of the individual who was in
a lead position at that time in the management office. When
I saw the name, Suou Uzuki-- I felt nothing. No surprise,
no sadness, and no anger. To be honest, I felt nothing at
all. Somewhere in my heart, I think that I must have
expected it. All I could feel was a sense of resignation,
knowing that the inevitable had finally come to pass. And,
I decided to quit my job at Vector. The friends I made
there, and KOS-MOS... were the only bonds I had linking me
to Kevin, but I couldn't stand being there any longer.
Maybe I did it to atone for all of the victims. Maybe it
was to strike back at my late father, who had abandoned my
mother. No, it wasn't for either of those reasons. It was
probably that I--
I am amazed that Wilhelm holds so much power. When he was talking about setting ther stage he sure as hell wasn't kidding. Looks like he planned it all. Every minute detail. And he said something truely shocking and upsetting.
Wilhelm: You probably don't know the origin of Ormus, so I shall
tell you. Ormus was born approximately 6,000 years ago. It
began from the death of the man you worship as your Lord.
Officially, it existed to convey the man's existence to
coming generations. But its true purpose... was to manage
the "words" he passed on. The program you call Lemegeton
is, in fact, those words. It's a failsafe installed by God
that can cause this universe to dissipate. Though it
appears the man you call your Lord didn't know that. Of
course that was to be expected, for those were the words of
Yeshua. To protect the universe from dissipation, I created
an organization to manage and watch over those words.
That's Ormus's true objective. Not just the words, but also
the artifacts of God, passed down from ancient times. All
of them are beyond human control.
O.M.F.G! If that says what I think does... does that make chaos a bad person? We know chaos is Yeshua. 'Chaos and Order' have been mentioned many times. If Yeshua is chaos than Wilhelm must be order. Wilhelm's duty is to protect the system. Order is a good thing, and if everything is going belly up right now it can be assumed that the system set up should continue to function to set things straight. But Yeshua... he exists to destroy the Universe? Surely it cannot be. chaos' words about one thought changing the world are floating about. Through chaos a new world can be found. Through Shion and KOS-MOS, through the destruction of this preset order, a new world can be forged. Please... I hope they mean that. I refuse to believe that chaos would be responsible to destroying the Universe if it didn't mean a better outcome, a revival and renewal.
Here's somethign to backup that little theory, from much earlier in the game.
Nephilim: I knew I wouldn't be able to tell her.
chaos: I know.
Nephilim: The truth is too hard for Shion right now. If she let it
pass without knowing, it would be so much easier.
chaos: Learning the truth doesn't always lead to happiness. They
might even be better off if they live without it. But
sometimes, the truth seeks you out. I think the fact that
Shion is here is telling us that. She must learn the truth.
Nephilim: Maybe so. But it's only a matter of time before Shion's
heart and body are--
chaos: What if that's inevitable? My existence and yours... may be
an inevitable part of this world where all things flow to a
certain point. If our reason for existing is that we are
meant to exist--
Nephilim: I don't think there's only a single future. A single human
thought can change the world. You're the one who taught
people that.
chaos: What I can do is limited. I still don't even know how I
should use this power. Why am I allowed to exist?
Nephilim: chaos...
chaos: I want to believe in the existence of order born from
discord. That's why I'm with them.
That little speech that Wilhelm gave was so informative, it was the biggest chunk of information relating to what is going on in the bigger scheme of things, that we've gotten probably since the beginning of the game. Finally answeres are coming to light, even if we don't like the truths of which they speak.
So that is what I was crying about. And then... then I decided to watch Battlestar.
Exodus part 2 was awesome! From what's his name having to kill his wife, all the way to finding out that Kara really didn't have a daughter. Do you know how very glad I am about the no daughter thing? VERY! But backtracking to the rescue plan... When the Galactica plumetted towards the planet and then Jumped out of there before hitting the ground... that. was. so. COOL! It was uber cool! I got really teary when everyone was back onboard the Galactica. It was such a moving scene, knowing that they all knew they were safe again and free from Cylon oppression. It was beautiful to see people being together after a long time apart. It was so moving because everyone was so happy and yet there were heavy losses. They gained their freedom, which is a great deal, but they lost so very much too. One loss I am VERY happy about is Admiral Adamas mustache. I was INCREDIBLY happy to see him shave that off. You should have seen me, laughing through a stream of tears. Oh yeah.
And so I am sitting here, listening to Xenosaga III music, dabbing at my eyes because I started crying again as I was writing all of this up, hehe!
I am royally fucked for my essay because I don't know what my line of argumant is about. Sigh. Cannot possibly wait for these holidays to rock up.
And now is the point where I need some real self control. I need to finish this essay relatively soon, but I know that Ziggy/Voyager backstory is just around the corner in Xenosaga. And I love Ziggy so, so very much because he is so admirable and... has such an angsty past. My heart bleeds for him. And... and I noticed that in games I tend to like the guys, or girls ;) who do the most physical damage. Auron, Ziggy, Paine, Lavitz/Albert. I like physical pain better than magic. It's fun to hit things!
I've decided to upload this track once again... I think I uploaded it once before at least. This theme is played throughout Xenosaga III. It is so very lovely and whenever I hear it in game I need to take a moment, pause, and absorbe.
Hepatica(Kos-Mos).mp3 11.9MB
Only a few more days... ok, maybe a week... before I get to see Crispin Freeman! SWISH! He's my voice actor hero, aside from Johnny Young Bosh XD