Picky, picky...
...so, it's time to round out the season. The NFL season, that is. My goal? 165 wins. That means I gotta win 12 games this week. I've done that twice this season, but I've had four 11-win weeks this season, so it's not entirely impossible. But I gotta pick carefully. I might make one caveat for the team I want to lose to lose, but other than that, each pick has to be good, or at least, within a few points of good. So, here we go, the final week of the STONE-COLD, LEAD-PIPE, TAKE-EM-TO-THE-BANK, PAY-OFF-YOUR-BOOKIE, SLAM-DUNK, ALL-IN, HAMMER, TOTALLY WRONG NFL PICKS OF THE WEEK!
Patriots at Giants--This is it. The game that defines whether the Patriots become the third team in NFL history to go unbeaten in the regular season, with an option for second to go unbeaten in an entire season, or if it's merely an '85 Bears type of season...great, but with that one little slip up. The team they play? The New York Football Giants. Who are expected to keep the rhythm of their starters in most of the game. This is so good, they're puttin' it on three networks! But, the inevitable will happen, and the Patriots will be crowned unbeaten this season. Bank on that. Pick: Pats
Bengals at Dolphins--Damn you, Bengals, for ruining the Browns' season! Even if they get into the playoffs, they had to work much harder to get there, and that falls on the Bungles' head, of course. This last week, they travel to Miami to attempt to finish off the Fins. Yeah, that ain't gonna happen. The Fins at least get 2 wins this year, off the dregs of the north. You're welcome, Miami. Pick: Dolphins
Bills at Eagles--In what could be Donovan McNabb's final game as an Eagle, he will put up a valiant effort. However, the young'ns on the other side should be able to blast through the old farts on the Iggles, and secure the Bills a surprising .500 season. Pick: Bills
Seahawks at Falcons--Sure, they're playing their backups, but the Seahawks' backups could probably take this mess of a Falcons team with two hands tied behind their backs. No contest. Pick: Seahawks
Saints at Bears--Heh, I skipped over this one while I was writing it out, it's so forgettable! The Saints need help to get to the playoffs. But first, they gotta win. And win they shall in this one. Pick: Saints
Panthers at Buccaneers--Both getting ready for their post or offseasons. Not a lot to say on this one, except that the Bucs will probably rest most of their starters, and the Panthers will make a game of it just for that, but the Bucs will find a way to send the fans home happy. Pick: Bucs
49ers at Browns--Stupid NFL broadcast rules. If you could get the Pats and Giants on 3 networks, surely you could find a way to get this game to Toledo. Oh, well, I got radio, and it will be a pleasure to listen to hear Brady Quinn get his first touchdown pass sometime tomorrow. Pick: Browns
Lions at Packers--Well, the Fire Millen signs are back in full effect. Even in Green Bay. The team that put the Lions fully into their tailspin will now put them out of their misery. Pick: Packers
Jaguars at Texans--Again, there will be a lot of resters on the Jags, which will make this competitive. But yeah, the Jags have enough in them to best the mediocre Texans. Pick: Jags
Chargers at Raiders--No LT? No prob? Michael Turner should burn the Raiders' D for a sawbuck, and the Chargers get the V and await their first round opponent with bated breath. Pick: Chargers
Chiefs at Jets--Originally, I liked the Chiefs in a low scoring game. Now, for some reason I can't place, the Jets seem better to me. Could be the field will be torn up from all the celebrating the previous day...I don't know. But the Jets look better to me now. Pick: Jets
Rams at Cardinals--The Rams played the Cards to the hilt at home, now they go on the road. And I think that they'll play some actual inspired football just to keep Scott Linehan's job. And they'll keep the Cards below .500 yet again in a year they hoped would be the playoff year. Pick: Rams
Cowboys at Redskins--The Cowboys are in. The Skins wanna be. The Cowboys will be resting their starters. The Skins will not. That makes this a pretty good game. One that the "spirit of 21" will push in the Redskins' favor. Pick: Redskins
Vikings at Broncos--The Vikings will go a mile high and do their part to try and get that last playoff spot. But just as they get in the locker room, they'll hear the news that the 'Skins beat the 'Boys, and they'll have nothing to do but go cry on their chartered boat. Pick: Vikings
Steelers at Ravens--Even with the backups, the Steelers have no reason to be worried of a Ravens team that lost to the Dolphins this year. None whatsoever. Pick: Steelers
Titans at Colts--The Colts are in. The Titans wanna be. The Colts will be resting their starters. The Titans will not. That makes this a pretty good game. One that the "spirit of Bill Willis" will push in the Colts' favor. Pick: Colts
So, them's my picks. Read 'em and weep. Tomorrow, Beakman...again?
Patriots at Giants--This is it. The game that defines whether the Patriots become the third team in NFL history to go unbeaten in the regular season, with an option for second to go unbeaten in an entire season, or if it's merely an '85 Bears type of season...great, but with that one little slip up. The team they play? The New York Football Giants. Who are expected to keep the rhythm of their starters in most of the game. This is so good, they're puttin' it on three networks! But, the inevitable will happen, and the Patriots will be crowned unbeaten this season. Bank on that. Pick: Pats
Bengals at Dolphins--Damn you, Bengals, for ruining the Browns' season! Even if they get into the playoffs, they had to work much harder to get there, and that falls on the Bungles' head, of course. This last week, they travel to Miami to attempt to finish off the Fins. Yeah, that ain't gonna happen. The Fins at least get 2 wins this year, off the dregs of the north. You're welcome, Miami. Pick: Dolphins
Bills at Eagles--In what could be Donovan McNabb's final game as an Eagle, he will put up a valiant effort. However, the young'ns on the other side should be able to blast through the old farts on the Iggles, and secure the Bills a surprising .500 season. Pick: Bills
Seahawks at Falcons--Sure, they're playing their backups, but the Seahawks' backups could probably take this mess of a Falcons team with two hands tied behind their backs. No contest. Pick: Seahawks
Saints at Bears--Heh, I skipped over this one while I was writing it out, it's so forgettable! The Saints need help to get to the playoffs. But first, they gotta win. And win they shall in this one. Pick: Saints
Panthers at Buccaneers--Both getting ready for their post or offseasons. Not a lot to say on this one, except that the Bucs will probably rest most of their starters, and the Panthers will make a game of it just for that, but the Bucs will find a way to send the fans home happy. Pick: Bucs
49ers at Browns--Stupid NFL broadcast rules. If you could get the Pats and Giants on 3 networks, surely you could find a way to get this game to Toledo. Oh, well, I got radio, and it will be a pleasure to listen to hear Brady Quinn get his first touchdown pass sometime tomorrow. Pick: Browns
Lions at Packers--Well, the Fire Millen signs are back in full effect. Even in Green Bay. The team that put the Lions fully into their tailspin will now put them out of their misery. Pick: Packers
Jaguars at Texans--Again, there will be a lot of resters on the Jags, which will make this competitive. But yeah, the Jags have enough in them to best the mediocre Texans. Pick: Jags
Chargers at Raiders--No LT? No prob? Michael Turner should burn the Raiders' D for a sawbuck, and the Chargers get the V and await their first round opponent with bated breath. Pick: Chargers
Chiefs at Jets--Originally, I liked the Chiefs in a low scoring game. Now, for some reason I can't place, the Jets seem better to me. Could be the field will be torn up from all the celebrating the previous day...I don't know. But the Jets look better to me now. Pick: Jets
Rams at Cardinals--The Rams played the Cards to the hilt at home, now they go on the road. And I think that they'll play some actual inspired football just to keep Scott Linehan's job. And they'll keep the Cards below .500 yet again in a year they hoped would be the playoff year. Pick: Rams
Cowboys at Redskins--The Cowboys are in. The Skins wanna be. The Cowboys will be resting their starters. The Skins will not. That makes this a pretty good game. One that the "spirit of 21" will push in the Redskins' favor. Pick: Redskins
Vikings at Broncos--The Vikings will go a mile high and do their part to try and get that last playoff spot. But just as they get in the locker room, they'll hear the news that the 'Skins beat the 'Boys, and they'll have nothing to do but go cry on their chartered boat. Pick: Vikings
Steelers at Ravens--Even with the backups, the Steelers have no reason to be worried of a Ravens team that lost to the Dolphins this year. None whatsoever. Pick: Steelers
Titans at Colts--The Colts are in. The Titans wanna be. The Colts will be resting their starters. The Titans will not. That makes this a pretty good game. One that the "spirit of Bill Willis" will push in the Colts' favor. Pick: Colts
So, them's my picks. Read 'em and weep. Tomorrow, Beakman...again?