Some thoughts
I'm having a really hard time with dealing with things lately. '06 was really bad to be for many reasons like being crossed by my best friends to being ignored by the people that I love. I'm trying to keep a positive outlook '07 (it just started, I know) but I feel like I have already brought in my bad habits. I have a problem with holding on to things and not wanting to let them go. It's like the car that you dreamed about, turning out to be a lemon. You tried to get it fixed over and over but it still turns to shit. You have a hard time with buying another one because THAT one was your dream car and there came a lot of memories with that but deep down inside you know it's junk. I'm having a hard time being patient because I feel like it's my turn to be happy and I shouldn't have to wait anymore. I've spent the last two years doing everything that others wanted, made sure that everyone around me were happy even if it made me more and more fucked and depressed. The world can be so cruel and truthful at times it hurts. I got dealt a shitty hand this year and I know that a good part is stuff that I could of prevented but I still had hope that people where capable of acting somewhat human but maybe that's what human is: 90% is all about them, 10% they will listen to you but doesn't give a fuck. Maybe I'm the one who's an outsider looking into a world of greedy bitches who will play on others pain and emotions to get happy and move up in the world. I hate crying everyday over stupid shit because I can't take this anymore