Excruciating Worship
He held on to his cell phone, waiting for a message from his truly. He stared at his cell phone’s screen and waited patiently for a memorandum. The tranquil moment was disturbed with a beep. The cell phone screen had the text: “You have 1 new message”. A smile appeared on his face.
Yunho: Jaejoong, I’ve arrived at the destination. Sorry I didn’t sent you any message. The manager wanted me to turn off my cell. I hope you didn’t worry too much.
Jaejoong: You’ve arrived? That’s a relief to hear. Its okay, you’re fine now. How are the accommodations? Is it good? Does it satisfy you? And how is the bathroom? Is it clean? Does it have toilet rolls?
Yunho: Jaejoong, you sound like a worried mother. X) Everything’s fine. You don’t have to worry about me. It’s just that...
Jaejoong: What? What is it? Are you sick? Are you hungry? What is it? WHAT??!!
Yunho: It’s just that I miss you already. I miss kissing your sexy pouting lips... This is driving me crazy. I long for you... ><
Jaejoong: Yunho-ah, you sound like a teenager madly in love. I miss you too. Come back quick.
Yunho: Hahahaha... I sound like in love? Of course I am with a gorgeous man and his sexy abs. And you’d be surprised of how fast I’ll be coming back.
Jaejoong: Okay, surprise me. And I’ll be counting every hour, minute, second and even mini second. So what are you doing?
Yunho: Oh, we’re about to start shooting. So I have to turn off my cell, I guess I’ll text you later?
Jaejoong: Sure, no problem. n__n... Okay, I think you should go now or you’ll be scolded by the manager. Catch you later.
Yunho: Okay, see you later.
Jaejoong felt happy that Yunho had texted him. His concerned feelings were cleared and he felt satisfied that Yunho arrived in one piece. Though so his heart sank with obscurity when Yunho left because he knew Yunho depended on him to continue living. His mind flew back to the pass, before they became part of DBSK, before the time they started falling madly and deeply in love with each other.
*Flashback*
Jaejoong was almost up and he felt like a nervous wreck. Making sure that everything was fine, that he had memorized the lyrics to the song and certifies that he definitely had his attire looking well. While practicing, he heard a voice in a broken tone and sniveling.
“Umma, why are you doing this to me? What have I done wrong, till you want to stop seeing me?! Is it because I don’t want to continue studying? What’s wrong with me wanting to pursue my dreams of becoming a singer? No wait, it’s about me and that guy isn’t it? Umma I broke up with him already. I sacrificed everything I have to make you happy!! Just let me pursue this dream, my dream of becoming a singer! Umma? Umma? Don’t hang up on me!!” the voice wailed loudly.
Moments after that he heard a loud thud on the store room floor, must have been the phone being thrown. Jaejoong wondered if he should check to see if the person needed any help. But decided to wait a little longer, intending on not intruding too soon.
“AHHHHHHH!!!!!” a voice erupted. Jaejoong was certain the voice sounded like someone who was in distress.
Jaejoong delayed no more and rushed to the direction of the voice. It was a guy in there his hands grasped tightly on a long saw. A long cerise gash of blood ran through his left shoulder. Jaejoong approached the guy slowly and he knew the only way he could convince the guy to stop attempting suicide was to greet him. “Hey, I’m Kim Jaejoong. And you are...?” Jaejoong asked anxiously.
The guy just ignored Jaejoong and started to sob, face buried in his hands. Jaejoong started shaking the guy gently on the shoulders and the helpless chap cried even more. “It’s okay. Everything will be fine,” Jaejoong said in a comforting tone. The guy slowly lifted his head and look intently into Jaejoong’s face. “My name is Jung Yunho.” He replied in a poignant tone. It seemed like Jaejoong had his trust already and Jaejoong took the opportunity to consult him.
Yunho started telling Jaejoong all about what he was experiencing and pinned his ears back to every word that came out from Yunho’s mouth. Jaejoong felt sorry for Yunho and he knew he needed to help Yunho. Because if it’s not him then who?
*End of flashback*
***
2 weeks had passed by, and Jaejoong missed his aficionado’s lips on his. And those manly hands’ touch on his back. Yoochun and Changmin tried their very best to make Jaejoong happy. They went out a lot, movies, clubs, and malls and yet at the end of the day Jaejoong’s face will still be plastered with his heartrending expression. Junsu had text Yoochun telling him how Yunho was very quiet and that he wasn’t very participative in the program. The threesome had no idea why the both of them had missed each other so much... probably because they didn’t know about their furtive love.
***
“Hmm, 6 more days,” Jaejoong sighed.
“Hey guess what??!!” Yoochun scream running through his bedroom door.
“Hyung, what is it?” Changmin appeared through the door frame, a hammer in his hand.
“I got a free flat screen TV!!” Yoochun said, bouncing on his feet “I’m going to go and sign all these documents and stuff…..and I will officially have a TV!”
He took his bag and left with a happy grin.
“Guess it’s just us left then...”Jaejoong said “What’s with the hammer Changmin-ah?”
“I was just putting up the picture frame of us up in the living room.”
“Aww, that’s very hard working of you,” Jaejoong said squeezing Changmin on the cheek.
Changmin blushed furiously, the truth is he had been harboring feelings for Jaejoong for quite a while now, but he isn’t going to admit just yet. How much of a fool he would look like if he did.
“Okay, you continue doing that and I will be in the kitchen preparing some lunch for us,” Jaejoong bustled to the kitchen.
***
“Lunch is ready!!” Jaejoong yelled.
Changmin was caught off guard by the voice and the ladder wobbled under his feet, “Hyung!!” he cried for help.
BAM!!
He fell with a loud thud. “Changmin!!” Jaejoong rush to his aid and caught the ladder just in time before it could cause Changmin any further injuries.
He got down on his knees, cradling Changmin’s head, “Changmin are you okay? I’m sorry for getting too excited. It didn’t cross my mind that you would be shocked,” his voice filled with concern.
“Oh God! Your forehead is bleeding. I’m so sorry! Sit here I will clean it up.” Jaejoong said while helping Changmin get up.
Changmin was a bit dazed when Jaejoong returned with the first aid kit.
Jaejoong’s soft hands were on his forehead…too close…his hot breath gently tickling Changmin’s skin. Without even thinking twice he bent foreword and kissed Jaejoong on the lips...
***
“Hahahaha! They will be so surprised and happy to see us! Six days earlier! We did our job real fast didn’t we Junsu?” Yunho said animatedly.
“Yup we did! I miss everyone at home! I can’t wait to show Changmin my new football!”
“Ahhh!!! Here we are!”
“Home sweet home,” Junsu said.
***
Jaejoong’s eyes widen with horror. He tried to pull away, but Changmin was too strong. Changmin kept on persisting. Suddenly Jaejoong felt the longing of Yunho’s lips on his, Yunho’s hands on his cheeks, slowly caressing it.
It was Yunho kissing him. Not Changmin. Lost in those thoughts he kissed back fiercely. Only breaking to breathe. A smile formed on Changmin’s lips and took it as a sign to continue.
***
The door creaked open; slowly Yunho’s happy face emerged from it. Instantaneously the happy face turned to a flabbergasted expression. Both Jaejoong and Changmin’s lips split and turned to the direction of the door.
Jaejoong was left speechless with his mouth wide open. He couldn’t believe his eyes when he saw Yunho at the front step of their house. He got up and took a step backwards away from Changmin... The scene was intense and everyone stood still surprised at each other.
“Yunho-ah, it’s not like what you think it is. I was...” before he could even continue, Yunho hit the glass window beside him. The glass was broken and blood droplets fell to the ground.
Jaejoong got horrified and shouted, “Yunho-ah!! What are you doing? Are you out of your mind?!” “Ne, I’m out of my mind! And it’s all because of you! Jaejoong-ah, how could you do this to me? Am I not a consequential thing in your life?” By this time, Jaejoong had fallen to the ground, crying and sobbing.
Junsu tried to calm Yunho, but Yunho pushed him aside and made him fall to the ground. Changmin was in the state of guilt seeing Jaejoong crying.
“Yunho-ah! Stop this! Jaejoong didn’t kiss me...” “Changmin-ah! I saw it with my own eyes! You don’t have to hide it. It’s no use anymore!” Yunho shouted angrily. He threw his luggage with force and headed for his room. Jaejoong immediately got up and ran after him. Yunho was too fast and it gave him the opportunity to lock his room door before Jaejoong could stop him.
“YUNHO OPEN THE DOOR!!” He yelled.
“Junsu, call…call…Yoochun. Tell him to come home now! I…. need the key to the… room,” he said in between sobs.
Junsu quickly took out his cell phone and hit the speed dial #1. Yoochun answered on the first ring. Changmin on the other hand couldn’t do anything, caught between the feeling of guilt and confusion.
The three of them kept on banging and begging Yunho to open his bedroom door. Yoochun came home, his face covered with sweat. It was obvious that he was in a hurry to get there too. “Give me the key now!” Jaejoong snatched it away from Yoochun, his voice deep and mean. His hands shaking uncontrollably as he tried to open the door.
***
“How could Jae do this to me? What with all those I love you? Stupid lies. In the end everyone will always leave me. No one, no one will ever be by my side forever. Damn stupid Jaejoong, with his lies, his bloody lies that made me fall for him. I loved him, no scratch that I still do and always will.”
***
When it was opened he rushed forward and stopped halfway. Jaejoong was scared looking at Yunho's situation. Yunho held a broken glass on his left hand and laid his right hand out. It was an attempt of suicide. Jaejoong’s mind was in turmoil, seeing his lover like this. History was repeating itself.
Jaejoong sobbed and pulled himself together, “Hey,Yunho you do not want to that. I’m here to help you like before, remember” Jaejoong said stuttering. Yunho cried listening to those words. He just stood in the same position and cried. Slowly Jaejoong approached him, taking steps that were inaudible for Yunho.
Suddenly, Yunho looked at Jaejoong straight in the eyes and left Jaejoong standing still. Jaejoong was just a few steps away from him almost close enough. “It’s Jung Yunho!” He said sobbing. With that he slashed his right hand. “Yunho-ah!!!” Jaejoong said running towards Yunho. He continued slashing his hand, and blood gushed out. The broken glass looked blunt and Jaejoong knew that Yunho was experiencing slow death. Well, death wasn’t really the word he wanted to think of at that moment.
Jaejoong approached Yunho and his face was pale and his eyes half open. He was gasping for air…gasping…gasping.
Jaejoong cried even more….his mouth unable to form any words. Yunho pointed to a bouquet of roses beside him. The bouquet was filled with white roses and had Yunho’s blood splattered all over it. Immediately Jaejoong’s mind remembered the story behind those roses.
*Flashback*
“Jaejoong-ah, I got something for you,” Yunho said shyly, moving from one foot to another.
“What is it Yunho?” Jaejoong asked smiling.
“This is for you!” Yunho said handling Jaejoong a bouquet of white roses.
“Yunho, this is wonderful!” Jaejoong hugged Yunho tightly letting all the emotions of happiness from himself pass to Jaejoong.
“Jaejoong-ah, if the last rose dies... it means my love for you has vanished. Okay?” Yunho said with a cute smile on his face.
Jaejoong’s eyes started welling with tears. He looked at the roses again and he was right to assume that they were all plastic roses.
*End of flashback*
There he was with he’s lover on his arm. And surrounding them was a crimson pool of blood with the scent of agony. He looked down at his devotee who couldn’t speak, move or breathe anymore. The others just watched the two in despair and tears fell from each of them. He couldn’t do anything for the man on his arms already, he was too late. Crying wouldn’t help... It’ll just make things worst. Beside him was a bouquet of white roses that had stains of blood on it. It was painful for him to look at the roses which were a gift from his truly.
With a single kiss on Yunho’s cheek, he whispered into his cold, pale and numb ear, “I’ll always love you too.”
~END
Yunho: Jaejoong, I’ve arrived at the destination. Sorry I didn’t sent you any message. The manager wanted me to turn off my cell. I hope you didn’t worry too much.
Jaejoong: You’ve arrived? That’s a relief to hear. Its okay, you’re fine now. How are the accommodations? Is it good? Does it satisfy you? And how is the bathroom? Is it clean? Does it have toilet rolls?
Yunho: Jaejoong, you sound like a worried mother. X) Everything’s fine. You don’t have to worry about me. It’s just that...
Jaejoong: What? What is it? Are you sick? Are you hungry? What is it? WHAT??!!
Yunho: It’s just that I miss you already. I miss kissing your sexy pouting lips... This is driving me crazy. I long for you... ><
Jaejoong: Yunho-ah, you sound like a teenager madly in love. I miss you too. Come back quick.
Yunho: Hahahaha... I sound like in love? Of course I am with a gorgeous man and his sexy abs. And you’d be surprised of how fast I’ll be coming back.
Jaejoong: Okay, surprise me. And I’ll be counting every hour, minute, second and even mini second. So what are you doing?
Yunho: Oh, we’re about to start shooting. So I have to turn off my cell, I guess I’ll text you later?
Jaejoong: Sure, no problem. n__n... Okay, I think you should go now or you’ll be scolded by the manager. Catch you later.
Yunho: Okay, see you later.
Jaejoong felt happy that Yunho had texted him. His concerned feelings were cleared and he felt satisfied that Yunho arrived in one piece. Though so his heart sank with obscurity when Yunho left because he knew Yunho depended on him to continue living. His mind flew back to the pass, before they became part of DBSK, before the time they started falling madly and deeply in love with each other.
*Flashback*
Jaejoong was almost up and he felt like a nervous wreck. Making sure that everything was fine, that he had memorized the lyrics to the song and certifies that he definitely had his attire looking well. While practicing, he heard a voice in a broken tone and sniveling.
“Umma, why are you doing this to me? What have I done wrong, till you want to stop seeing me?! Is it because I don’t want to continue studying? What’s wrong with me wanting to pursue my dreams of becoming a singer? No wait, it’s about me and that guy isn’t it? Umma I broke up with him already. I sacrificed everything I have to make you happy!! Just let me pursue this dream, my dream of becoming a singer! Umma? Umma? Don’t hang up on me!!” the voice wailed loudly.
Moments after that he heard a loud thud on the store room floor, must have been the phone being thrown. Jaejoong wondered if he should check to see if the person needed any help. But decided to wait a little longer, intending on not intruding too soon.
“AHHHHHHH!!!!!” a voice erupted. Jaejoong was certain the voice sounded like someone who was in distress.
Jaejoong delayed no more and rushed to the direction of the voice. It was a guy in there his hands grasped tightly on a long saw. A long cerise gash of blood ran through his left shoulder. Jaejoong approached the guy slowly and he knew the only way he could convince the guy to stop attempting suicide was to greet him. “Hey, I’m Kim Jaejoong. And you are...?” Jaejoong asked anxiously.
The guy just ignored Jaejoong and started to sob, face buried in his hands. Jaejoong started shaking the guy gently on the shoulders and the helpless chap cried even more. “It’s okay. Everything will be fine,” Jaejoong said in a comforting tone. The guy slowly lifted his head and look intently into Jaejoong’s face. “My name is Jung Yunho.” He replied in a poignant tone. It seemed like Jaejoong had his trust already and Jaejoong took the opportunity to consult him.
Yunho started telling Jaejoong all about what he was experiencing and pinned his ears back to every word that came out from Yunho’s mouth. Jaejoong felt sorry for Yunho and he knew he needed to help Yunho. Because if it’s not him then who?
*End of flashback*
***
2 weeks had passed by, and Jaejoong missed his aficionado’s lips on his. And those manly hands’ touch on his back. Yoochun and Changmin tried their very best to make Jaejoong happy. They went out a lot, movies, clubs, and malls and yet at the end of the day Jaejoong’s face will still be plastered with his heartrending expression. Junsu had text Yoochun telling him how Yunho was very quiet and that he wasn’t very participative in the program. The threesome had no idea why the both of them had missed each other so much... probably because they didn’t know about their furtive love.
***
“Hmm, 6 more days,” Jaejoong sighed.
“Hey guess what??!!” Yoochun scream running through his bedroom door.
“Hyung, what is it?” Changmin appeared through the door frame, a hammer in his hand.
“I got a free flat screen TV!!” Yoochun said, bouncing on his feet “I’m going to go and sign all these documents and stuff…..and I will officially have a TV!”
He took his bag and left with a happy grin.
“Guess it’s just us left then...”Jaejoong said “What’s with the hammer Changmin-ah?”
“I was just putting up the picture frame of us up in the living room.”
“Aww, that’s very hard working of you,” Jaejoong said squeezing Changmin on the cheek.
Changmin blushed furiously, the truth is he had been harboring feelings for Jaejoong for quite a while now, but he isn’t going to admit just yet. How much of a fool he would look like if he did.
“Okay, you continue doing that and I will be in the kitchen preparing some lunch for us,” Jaejoong bustled to the kitchen.
***
“Lunch is ready!!” Jaejoong yelled.
Changmin was caught off guard by the voice and the ladder wobbled under his feet, “Hyung!!” he cried for help.
BAM!!
He fell with a loud thud. “Changmin!!” Jaejoong rush to his aid and caught the ladder just in time before it could cause Changmin any further injuries.
He got down on his knees, cradling Changmin’s head, “Changmin are you okay? I’m sorry for getting too excited. It didn’t cross my mind that you would be shocked,” his voice filled with concern.
“Oh God! Your forehead is bleeding. I’m so sorry! Sit here I will clean it up.” Jaejoong said while helping Changmin get up.
Changmin was a bit dazed when Jaejoong returned with the first aid kit.
Jaejoong’s soft hands were on his forehead…too close…his hot breath gently tickling Changmin’s skin. Without even thinking twice he bent foreword and kissed Jaejoong on the lips...
***
“Hahahaha! They will be so surprised and happy to see us! Six days earlier! We did our job real fast didn’t we Junsu?” Yunho said animatedly.
“Yup we did! I miss everyone at home! I can’t wait to show Changmin my new football!”
“Ahhh!!! Here we are!”
“Home sweet home,” Junsu said.
***
Jaejoong’s eyes widen with horror. He tried to pull away, but Changmin was too strong. Changmin kept on persisting. Suddenly Jaejoong felt the longing of Yunho’s lips on his, Yunho’s hands on his cheeks, slowly caressing it.
It was Yunho kissing him. Not Changmin. Lost in those thoughts he kissed back fiercely. Only breaking to breathe. A smile formed on Changmin’s lips and took it as a sign to continue.
***
The door creaked open; slowly Yunho’s happy face emerged from it. Instantaneously the happy face turned to a flabbergasted expression. Both Jaejoong and Changmin’s lips split and turned to the direction of the door.
Jaejoong was left speechless with his mouth wide open. He couldn’t believe his eyes when he saw Yunho at the front step of their house. He got up and took a step backwards away from Changmin... The scene was intense and everyone stood still surprised at each other.
“Yunho-ah, it’s not like what you think it is. I was...” before he could even continue, Yunho hit the glass window beside him. The glass was broken and blood droplets fell to the ground.
Jaejoong got horrified and shouted, “Yunho-ah!! What are you doing? Are you out of your mind?!” “Ne, I’m out of my mind! And it’s all because of you! Jaejoong-ah, how could you do this to me? Am I not a consequential thing in your life?” By this time, Jaejoong had fallen to the ground, crying and sobbing.
Junsu tried to calm Yunho, but Yunho pushed him aside and made him fall to the ground. Changmin was in the state of guilt seeing Jaejoong crying.
“Yunho-ah! Stop this! Jaejoong didn’t kiss me...” “Changmin-ah! I saw it with my own eyes! You don’t have to hide it. It’s no use anymore!” Yunho shouted angrily. He threw his luggage with force and headed for his room. Jaejoong immediately got up and ran after him. Yunho was too fast and it gave him the opportunity to lock his room door before Jaejoong could stop him.
“YUNHO OPEN THE DOOR!!” He yelled.
“Junsu, call…call…Yoochun. Tell him to come home now! I…. need the key to the… room,” he said in between sobs.
Junsu quickly took out his cell phone and hit the speed dial #1. Yoochun answered on the first ring. Changmin on the other hand couldn’t do anything, caught between the feeling of guilt and confusion.
The three of them kept on banging and begging Yunho to open his bedroom door. Yoochun came home, his face covered with sweat. It was obvious that he was in a hurry to get there too. “Give me the key now!” Jaejoong snatched it away from Yoochun, his voice deep and mean. His hands shaking uncontrollably as he tried to open the door.
***
“How could Jae do this to me? What with all those I love you? Stupid lies. In the end everyone will always leave me. No one, no one will ever be by my side forever. Damn stupid Jaejoong, with his lies, his bloody lies that made me fall for him. I loved him, no scratch that I still do and always will.”
***
When it was opened he rushed forward and stopped halfway. Jaejoong was scared looking at Yunho's situation. Yunho held a broken glass on his left hand and laid his right hand out. It was an attempt of suicide. Jaejoong’s mind was in turmoil, seeing his lover like this. History was repeating itself.
Jaejoong sobbed and pulled himself together, “Hey,Yunho you do not want to that. I’m here to help you like before, remember” Jaejoong said stuttering. Yunho cried listening to those words. He just stood in the same position and cried. Slowly Jaejoong approached him, taking steps that were inaudible for Yunho.
Suddenly, Yunho looked at Jaejoong straight in the eyes and left Jaejoong standing still. Jaejoong was just a few steps away from him almost close enough. “It’s Jung Yunho!” He said sobbing. With that he slashed his right hand. “Yunho-ah!!!” Jaejoong said running towards Yunho. He continued slashing his hand, and blood gushed out. The broken glass looked blunt and Jaejoong knew that Yunho was experiencing slow death. Well, death wasn’t really the word he wanted to think of at that moment.
Jaejoong approached Yunho and his face was pale and his eyes half open. He was gasping for air…gasping…gasping.
Jaejoong cried even more….his mouth unable to form any words. Yunho pointed to a bouquet of roses beside him. The bouquet was filled with white roses and had Yunho’s blood splattered all over it. Immediately Jaejoong’s mind remembered the story behind those roses.
*Flashback*
“Jaejoong-ah, I got something for you,” Yunho said shyly, moving from one foot to another.
“What is it Yunho?” Jaejoong asked smiling.
“This is for you!” Yunho said handling Jaejoong a bouquet of white roses.
“Yunho, this is wonderful!” Jaejoong hugged Yunho tightly letting all the emotions of happiness from himself pass to Jaejoong.
“Jaejoong-ah, if the last rose dies... it means my love for you has vanished. Okay?” Yunho said with a cute smile on his face.
Jaejoong’s eyes started welling with tears. He looked at the roses again and he was right to assume that they were all plastic roses.
*End of flashback*
There he was with he’s lover on his arm. And surrounding them was a crimson pool of blood with the scent of agony. He looked down at his devotee who couldn’t speak, move or breathe anymore. The others just watched the two in despair and tears fell from each of them. He couldn’t do anything for the man on his arms already, he was too late. Crying wouldn’t help... It’ll just make things worst. Beside him was a bouquet of white roses that had stains of blood on it. It was painful for him to look at the roses which were a gift from his truly.
With a single kiss on Yunho’s cheek, he whispered into his cold, pale and numb ear, “I’ll always love you too.”
~END