I'm having a hard day
Today has been tough for me. I'm unbelievably unsettled and I think it's because of the tornado that ripped through Tuscaloosa. I feel so far away and I think my past is sort of creeping into my present. When I left Tuscaloosa....I left. For good. But I know me. I can't leave ANYTHING behind. I have such a hard time with letting go and moving on. But I did it because I had to. I had to leave the memories of Jason and everything associated with him in the trash. But I did my best to preserve the good memories and put them away in a "safe place." So I live my life remembering that I lived in Tuscaloosa and worked at kinkos while coaching rowing, but I don't FEEL those memories. So now that this has happened, I just feel odd. I want to cry and I'm not sure if it's because it's just a sad and terrible thing that happened? Or maybe I feel far away mentally like I should have been there all this time but my stupid life and the stupid things and this and that and whatever...I should have just been there..... or maybe just the pictures and the talking of 15th street, McFarland Blvd, Tuscaloosa, AL....things that MEAN something to me are being pounded into my present day as if I'm there and I can't help but associate those words with painful memories.