Nevermind. I don't wanna finish
I said I'd write more later, but I don't feel like it any more. Those were the main hi-lights of my trip home. I did have a mud rindin, pistol shootin' day with Megan and her b/f. That's what threw me for a loop and really got me in a weird mood. I miss those stupid things. Not that I was really that into it, but it was JASON. So for a long time after being with them, I was a little confused. And i still am. I'm going to take shooting lessons and I'm confirmed now that I want to still get a truck. So it's me now!
Went to dinner with them and Larry, saw Trish and Amy for a nice lunch and helped Ted and Diane paint their house! Jason was in the area and it hurt for me to know that, but oh well.
That was pretty much the remainder of the two weeks in Tuscaloosa.
Omar and ...ok I guess I am kinda finishing this.
Omar and Candie drove back home with me to NJ and stayed the week. They left on Thursday and Julie came down to visit me on Sat staying the night that night. Erik joined us later (they had actually come down to see friends of Erik's so that's where he was) on Sunday night and they stayed until Monday morning. We had a nice big breakfast and it was so sad and lonely after they left.
I tried to quickly get back into a routine of rowing and yoga and severely over-did it. I was exhausted, but I had to go to my cousin's wedding that following weekend which was another blast of emotional overload. Closest cousin, seeing all my relatives, wedding....stuff stuff stuff.
But now my life moves forward in a more normal manner.
I begin to coaching TCNJ this Sunday and will continue with just sundays until march when I start to take over water coaching. Deb will still be primary coach (on purpose so I can still row).
I have been making many more "friends" on e-harmony, but it still feels awkward. I keep meeting foreign guys, ha! Oh well. Maybe it was meant to be. Ryan was foreign. Idk. I hate when I start getting to know someone, and then I just really lose interest. I don't want to say no I don't want to meet, but then I really don't want to pursue it. And I know from the outside it's so much easier to say "just don't do it!" but I mean...I should give someone a chance. I might just be being a total coward for starting over. But man. I dont want to do that thing where we meet and I'm like...yeah....my assumptions were totally right.... what do I say?
dating suck.
really honestly, i'm happier and happier each day to being single. no lie
OH!!!!
I think I have finally figured out the "secret" to NOT thinking ahead.
My biggest problem really is living in the future and although I have been working extra hard at living in the moment, I'm really not sure at what point I'm thinking there. But today it hit me.
When I get up in the morning for practice, I'm just damn tired. The first thought in my head is...I'm tired, followed up, ok, when's the next time I can sleep again, followed by, and how much sleep will I get this week, followed by will I get to rest this weekend at all? followed by, how many days in a row do I have to feel tired? And before I know it, I have thought ahead 2-3 weeks...and its' been only 30 seconds. Well...the longer I keep doing that, the longer I keep living in the weeks ahead, and of course those turn into months now.
so...I only have to feel tired for 2 months because that's the duration of my coaching, and then I'll have USRowing duties that start in may and go through August, but I can't really rest then because I'll be coaching again and then of course I can't row until November, and ....before I know it....I'm freaking living in NEXT December!!! It's really quite scary how that happens.
And honestly? I'm getting plenty of sleep. I am just so worried that I WON'T, I spend all that time thinking about those possibilities. Wow.
And I just figured this out.
helllooo...
So, today, I could change it a little. Every time I thought about how I was going to FUNCTION the next day (because it's really all about how much energy and how I'm going to feel TOMORROW based on what I'm doing today), I stop myself and erase the thought. I dont' work 2nd shift at Kinkos and have to get up at 5 anymore. Any and everything that demands my time is OPTIONAL not MANDATORY.
Went to dinner with them and Larry, saw Trish and Amy for a nice lunch and helped Ted and Diane paint their house! Jason was in the area and it hurt for me to know that, but oh well.
That was pretty much the remainder of the two weeks in Tuscaloosa.
Omar and ...ok I guess I am kinda finishing this.
Omar and Candie drove back home with me to NJ and stayed the week. They left on Thursday and Julie came down to visit me on Sat staying the night that night. Erik joined us later (they had actually come down to see friends of Erik's so that's where he was) on Sunday night and they stayed until Monday morning. We had a nice big breakfast and it was so sad and lonely after they left.
I tried to quickly get back into a routine of rowing and yoga and severely over-did it. I was exhausted, but I had to go to my cousin's wedding that following weekend which was another blast of emotional overload. Closest cousin, seeing all my relatives, wedding....stuff stuff stuff.
But now my life moves forward in a more normal manner.
I begin to coaching TCNJ this Sunday and will continue with just sundays until march when I start to take over water coaching. Deb will still be primary coach (on purpose so I can still row).
I have been making many more "friends" on e-harmony, but it still feels awkward. I keep meeting foreign guys, ha! Oh well. Maybe it was meant to be. Ryan was foreign. Idk. I hate when I start getting to know someone, and then I just really lose interest. I don't want to say no I don't want to meet, but then I really don't want to pursue it. And I know from the outside it's so much easier to say "just don't do it!" but I mean...I should give someone a chance. I might just be being a total coward for starting over. But man. I dont want to do that thing where we meet and I'm like...yeah....my assumptions were totally right.... what do I say?
dating suck.
really honestly, i'm happier and happier each day to being single. no lie
OH!!!!
I think I have finally figured out the "secret" to NOT thinking ahead.
My biggest problem really is living in the future and although I have been working extra hard at living in the moment, I'm really not sure at what point I'm thinking there. But today it hit me.
When I get up in the morning for practice, I'm just damn tired. The first thought in my head is...I'm tired, followed up, ok, when's the next time I can sleep again, followed by, and how much sleep will I get this week, followed by will I get to rest this weekend at all? followed by, how many days in a row do I have to feel tired? And before I know it, I have thought ahead 2-3 weeks...and its' been only 30 seconds. Well...the longer I keep doing that, the longer I keep living in the weeks ahead, and of course those turn into months now.
so...I only have to feel tired for 2 months because that's the duration of my coaching, and then I'll have USRowing duties that start in may and go through August, but I can't really rest then because I'll be coaching again and then of course I can't row until November, and ....before I know it....I'm freaking living in NEXT December!!! It's really quite scary how that happens.
And honestly? I'm getting plenty of sleep. I am just so worried that I WON'T, I spend all that time thinking about those possibilities. Wow.
And I just figured this out.
helllooo...
So, today, I could change it a little. Every time I thought about how I was going to FUNCTION the next day (because it's really all about how much energy and how I'm going to feel TOMORROW based on what I'm doing today), I stop myself and erase the thought. I dont' work 2nd shift at Kinkos and have to get up at 5 anymore. Any and everything that demands my time is OPTIONAL not MANDATORY.