Thoughts on my three month T-versary
It feels really good to be writing this now. I've had a rough few days. I've spent so much time on the phone sorting out things for my upcoming travel that I haven't gotten anything done for work. My passport was finally mailed out today and should arrive tomorrow, and it will have a male sex marker. And it will expire in two years, giving me that much time to get my name changed and update it without any additional fees, and I'll have at least some ID to use for everyday things in the meantime. When the State Department called me to give me the update, they referred to me as "Mr. LastName," something that's never happened to me before and hadn't come up in previous conversations with them or anyone else in this process. I was happy but unsure exactly what I was feeling at first. Even though I write about it a fair bit, it still took some thought to determine it was recognition.
I've been considering whether this will be my last T-versary. My plan was to stay on T through the summer and re-evaluate things before classes resume in the fall. I'm not entirely sure what I was looking for, but I wanted to check in with my mental and physical health, my partner, and to what degree it was needed, because I delayed starting when it was only wanted. It took a couple months before the novelty wore off enough that I could focus on other things again, my health has if anything improved aside from the acne, and my partner's had no trouble going with the flow. The last thing I wanted to check is a bit more complicated. I'm so pleased with the changes so far. The biggest thing is obviously that I hear my own voice when I speak (though I still hope it keeps deepening, ha!), but there's more to it than that. In my daily voice recordings, I've described it as stability and steadiness -- it just feels right. For the most part, I don't think about changing my dose anymore, and at this point, I can't imagine discontinuing T in a month -- that would definitely be more of a disturbance than quitting when I'd vaguely planned to (derp, wrote the reverse of what I meant) continuing even when my ambient stress level increases. I don't care whether that means it's needed or wanted because I've finally internalized that I am free from that condition.
I've been considering whether this will be my last T-versary. My plan was to stay on T through the summer and re-evaluate things before classes resume in the fall. I'm not entirely sure what I was looking for, but I wanted to check in with my mental and physical health, my partner, and to what degree it was needed, because I delayed starting when it was only wanted. It took a couple months before the novelty wore off enough that I could focus on other things again, my health has if anything improved aside from the acne, and my partner's had no trouble going with the flow. The last thing I wanted to check is a bit more complicated. I'm so pleased with the changes so far. The biggest thing is obviously that I hear my own voice when I speak (though I still hope it keeps deepening, ha!), but there's more to it than that. In my daily voice recordings, I've described it as stability and steadiness -- it just feels right. For the most part, I don't think about changing my dose anymore, and at this point, I can't imagine discontinuing T in a month -- that would definitely be more of a disturbance than quitting when I'd vaguely planned to (derp, wrote the reverse of what I meant) continuing even when my ambient stress level increases. I don't care whether that means it's needed or wanted because I've finally internalized that I am free from that condition.