Baggage Check
I have a wonderful matching set of yellow/pink plaid with green paisley baggage. I've collected this luggage, one piece at a time.
It's come creeping out of the cupboard in this last week and a half or so. The oldest piece has been underfoot for years, though.
I am loved. I am loved by a wonderful man, and I thought he was one of a kind. All evidence has pointed to the fact that he is one of a kind. Every week, I look at him and marvel about how lucky I am to have him. How special and unique he is, because he loves me. He is special and wonderful for many reasons, but he is unique because he loves me.
This is the baggage talking. It's not so loud that I trip over it anymore, it's covered in so much dust. At the time, it never even occurred to me that these feelings were conditioned into me.
A new gentleman presented himself, and for the last week and a half, the whole collection has fallen right out of the cupboard and lain all over the floor. Some are easier to put back than others. The one that tells me that he doesn't want anyone to know that we're dating and the one that tells me that I can't show more affection than he thinks he's feeling.
But that oldest one, even now that the others are back in the cupboard, it is singing to me. It says that this new fella isn't being honest, he's pretending, so that he can get some fun out of me. That the day will come along that he says goodbye in the most hurtful and humiliating way possible.
I mean, my BRAIN doesn't think these things, it's my baggage. He went to Practicum this past weekend, and people have been telling me that he looked just as pleased as I did, which is nice to hear.
I was telling Tanneken about my bags, and she couldn't fathom it. I thought maybe it was just me, maybe I was misinterpreting what was going on around me. But these articles show me that that is not true. On the one hand, it's nice to know that I'm not alone, on the other - it's kind of a shitty thing.
I am loved. I am loved by a wonderful man who wants nothing for me but happiness. Maybe, i can dare to hope that his ability to be attracted to me isn't so unique afterall?
It's come creeping out of the cupboard in this last week and a half or so. The oldest piece has been underfoot for years, though.
I am loved. I am loved by a wonderful man, and I thought he was one of a kind. All evidence has pointed to the fact that he is one of a kind. Every week, I look at him and marvel about how lucky I am to have him. How special and unique he is, because he loves me. He is special and wonderful for many reasons, but he is unique because he loves me.
This is the baggage talking. It's not so loud that I trip over it anymore, it's covered in so much dust. At the time, it never even occurred to me that these feelings were conditioned into me.
A new gentleman presented himself, and for the last week and a half, the whole collection has fallen right out of the cupboard and lain all over the floor. Some are easier to put back than others. The one that tells me that he doesn't want anyone to know that we're dating and the one that tells me that I can't show more affection than he thinks he's feeling.
But that oldest one, even now that the others are back in the cupboard, it is singing to me. It says that this new fella isn't being honest, he's pretending, so that he can get some fun out of me. That the day will come along that he says goodbye in the most hurtful and humiliating way possible.
I mean, my BRAIN doesn't think these things, it's my baggage. He went to Practicum this past weekend, and people have been telling me that he looked just as pleased as I did, which is nice to hear.
I was telling Tanneken about my bags, and she couldn't fathom it. I thought maybe it was just me, maybe I was misinterpreting what was going on around me. But these articles show me that that is not true. On the one hand, it's nice to know that I'm not alone, on the other - it's kind of a shitty thing.
I am loved. I am loved by a wonderful man who wants nothing for me but happiness. Maybe, i can dare to hope that his ability to be attracted to me isn't so unique afterall?