(no subject)

[il_reve]

I want to write. I want to write about all that I have lost, all that I have gained, and all that I have benefited from. I want to write from the depths of me and I want to pour out everything that I feel every day that I don’t know how to deal with or express. I wish that I could. I wish that I could tell everyone all that they mean to me, all that they have done to change me and make me who I am: somebody that matters, somebody that can change the world, somebody that will make a difference. It should be easy to say 'I love you' to people that matter. But I do know this: every time I say it, I say it with all of me and I mean it from every fiber of my existence. I wish that I could be everything that I want to be to people, to be everything they are unafraid to be for me. It pains me every day that I have failed.

I am so excited about going to Africa, which, by the way, will be a for sure thing on Sunday. I’ve wanted so desperately to go, and the opportunity has fallen right in front of me. God has truly blessed me. I am so excited, I’m having a hard time containing it. I think in it, in opportunities like these, I express what I so desperately long to express to the people that have changed my life. In interacting like that with people I do not know in such magnitude, I give back tenfold what was given to me. I think that’s all I’ll ever be able to do-but maybe that’s how God intended it to be...

I love this month; I love the way it feels, the way it looks, the way it smells, the way people act.