Dor de ducă
Feelin strange at the moment. I feel both deadened and like a coiled spring just now and I really can't stand spending 45 hours a week sat at this stupid desk much longer. I'm not short of inspiration, for things I'd like to do, see, learn. But I just don't have time, and I hate the fact that I'm wasting my hours in a lameass job, trying to make the time go more quickly, living for lunch breaks and hometime, wishing my life away so that when I leave here I have to make use of every minute to realise not even half the things I want to in a week. And I'm exhausted with it all and still failing to have the life I want. I know I am exceedingly lucky to have a job, that's not too terrible and pays my way in this world but I'm just feeling so frustrated. I have wanderlust so great at the moment that it actually hurts. Writing lists of longed-for destinations and scouring the internets for images of museums, restaurants, galleries, town squares in far off lands. Booking journeys to Newcastle and Yorkshire (woo - big deal) just to make it feel like I'm going other places. A travel fund really needs to be put in place and/or winning the lottery (which, in my despondancy, I have decided to play for the first time since I was 16). And I want to learn skills - gain some accomplishments for once in my life. I have fanciful ideas of becoming a bookbinder and wonder if the 3 hours I spend in the gym each week could in fact be more productively used to train me in some cooler active pursuit.
Raah. What a rantypants.
Besides all this, had a very nice visit from Jo last weekend where we drank generous quanities of pink wine and mulled cider, chatted til the wee small hours, partook of wholesome and tasty repast and inflicted cheesy goth tunes on hipster teens in the Bowrey - hee hee. Also visited the gym together - it was so nice going with a friend. I don't do any of my after-school activities with any friends so it can sometimes feel a bit lonely.
And I watched Old Boy which is one of the most amazing, disturbing, penetrating and beautiful films I've ever seen. It will stay with me a long while. In fact, I've loved the whole Vengeance Trilogy. Watch if you haven't already.
Well, tonight I'm meeting the girls for blood letting, then drinks with Alex and Keith, tomorrow to Jackie's for enchanted ladies gathering, bike ride on Saturday and then a day of study and soup making on Sunday. Next week I have a luxury stay in Glasgow and gigs from my favourite jazz musician. All sounds pretty good to me. I should stop complaining, eh?
For educational purposes and general mind-expansion, herewith some words from the Grandiloquent Dictionary.
latrinalia - Using words that are fit for a restroom wall
rectalgia - Literally, a pain in the ass
fustilug - A fat, clumsy, lazy, filthy slob
resistentialism - The spiteful behaviour of inanimate objects
vernalagnia - A romantic mood brought on by Spring. Also known as Spring Fever
oculoplania - Letting one's eyes wander while assessing someone's charm
talaria - Winged shoes, such as worn by Hermes
tyromancy - Divination or magic using cheese
Ha ha and then rather aptly:
lexiphanicism - Showing off by using words
Raah. What a rantypants.
Besides all this, had a very nice visit from Jo last weekend where we drank generous quanities of pink wine and mulled cider, chatted til the wee small hours, partook of wholesome and tasty repast and inflicted cheesy goth tunes on hipster teens in the Bowrey - hee hee. Also visited the gym together - it was so nice going with a friend. I don't do any of my after-school activities with any friends so it can sometimes feel a bit lonely.
And I watched Old Boy which is one of the most amazing, disturbing, penetrating and beautiful films I've ever seen. It will stay with me a long while. In fact, I've loved the whole Vengeance Trilogy. Watch if you haven't already.
Well, tonight I'm meeting the girls for blood letting, then drinks with Alex and Keith, tomorrow to Jackie's for enchanted ladies gathering, bike ride on Saturday and then a day of study and soup making on Sunday. Next week I have a luxury stay in Glasgow and gigs from my favourite jazz musician. All sounds pretty good to me. I should stop complaining, eh?
For educational purposes and general mind-expansion, herewith some words from the Grandiloquent Dictionary.
latrinalia - Using words that are fit for a restroom wall
rectalgia - Literally, a pain in the ass
fustilug - A fat, clumsy, lazy, filthy slob
resistentialism - The spiteful behaviour of inanimate objects
vernalagnia - A romantic mood brought on by Spring. Also known as Spring Fever
oculoplania - Letting one's eyes wander while assessing someone's charm
talaria - Winged shoes, such as worn by Hermes
tyromancy - Divination or magic using cheese
Ha ha and then rather aptly:
lexiphanicism - Showing off by using words